Low Self Worth and Self Boundaries

Postby TheRainbow » Fri Sep 07, 2018 5:04 pm

Most of my life I had suffered from low self-worth. I struggled through school because I was bullied for being the skinny kid, the kid who struggled with reading and math. The school thought I was slow because it took me a long time to comprehend things, and it was a constant struggle. At age ten I was diagnosed with auditory processing disorder. Which put a lot of my issues in perspective. But the bullying only got worse because now I was getting one on one attention. I was labelled the stupid kid, and I believed it.

When I was 15/16, I met and started dating a man who was in his twenties. At first, he would compliment me, buy me clothes, and makeup. He made me feel good about myself, or I thought. I began to skip class so that I could hang out with him. I lied to my parents, ran away from home. They tried to intervene, called the police on both me and him, but I always went back. I eventually dropped out of high school.

After dating this man for almost a year, he started to drink a lot more, and one time while he was drunk he pushed me into a wall and left bruises on my upper arms. I never told anyone. That was around the same time the name calling began. He soon began to call me stupid, and that I couldn't find any better. That the only thing good about me was my body, and one time he even said he owned me.

When I was eighteen, I moved out of my mother's house and moved in with him. It wasn't long before he convinced me to turn to stripping to earn some money. My self-worth was so low; I honestly believed I couldn't do better. I was too stupid to get a good job, and I needed men, and that I need validation to get by.

Then I met my husband. After a few weeks, I broke up with my ex and moved back home with my parents. I soon quit at the strip club and got a job waitressing. He treated me with respect and treated me like gold.

But I self-sabotaged. Over the last thirteen years, since meeting my husband, I have never sought counselling, or done anything to work on the effects the verbal, mental and physical abuse left on me leading to continue low self-worth and lack of personal boundaries I had for myself.

I have had multiple affairs, one lasting on and off for over half my marriage. I had finally ended it, separated from my husband and got myself into counselling, but not without hurting multiple people. For the first time in all my life I finally realize just how messed up I am. Even with my husband's support, I realize this is something I need to do for myself. I need to be a healthy example for my daughter's.

I just feel so lost.
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#1

Postby moondaddy1 » Sun Sep 09, 2018 11:49 am

"For the first time in all my life I finally realize just how messed up I am"

Two things - first is that wisdom begins when you realise how little you know. That applies to everyone and it would seem that with your rigorously honest self appraisal you're now beginning to get a handle on how to deal with and overcome it. As with the beginning of wisdom you'll find that self acceptance is the beginning of being able to build a psychological platform on which you'll be able to build self esteem and a more positive self image. You can't change for a better future unless you honestly accept who you are currently.

Secondly you have "issues" - but issues that you can work on and overcome - but you're not really seriously messed up. Some people are and they have deeper and more seemingly intractable problems than you.
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