Fearing PAWS makes it worse

Postby BullFrog » Fri Sep 14, 2018 2:39 am

The past two weeks have been pretty good for myself. My "dizzy/buzziness" that fills my head has been pretty minor and the pressure in my head has been only occasionally noticeable. I am 7 months in. Most of July was a fantastic month then, at the beginning of August, I had that typical adrenaline flush to my face I have experienced throughout my recovery and it resulted in some anxiety and then brought back my "dizzy/buzziness" with more severity. So a bit of a set back but my symptoms could be FAR worse. Anyway, as I was saying, these past two weeks have been pretty good. I see improvement from my setback in August. Then today my "dizzy/buzziness" was a bit heavier then it has been in a few days and, in that moment where it felt more intense, I had a scary thought,"what if this gets so worse and unbearable that it brings some of my old symptoms back or even symptoms I have not had that are even more terrible?!" I brushed that thought away, but immediately after that I had a 3-4 second sweep of anxiety. Oh that nasty, terrible thing we know as anxiety. It went away and I'm okay. I survived as we all do. It never permanently harms us but when we are in the throws of bad symptoms, especially anxiety, it all seems so terrifying.

But that brought up a question, was my fear of getting some bad symptoms that brought on the anxiety? Or was the anxiety inevitable and a direct cause of PAWS? I'm not for sure, but what I do know is that when we FEAR our symptoms or become scared or fill our heads with thoughts of "oh no...am I going to experience some bad PAWS feelings?" that our symptoms often do occur or become worse if we are already experiencing them. It just comes to show that fear fuels our anxiety. And anxiety most certainly can bring a LEGION of other terrible feelings and symptoms. So, as I type this with my head filled with feelings I don't want it to have (and it too shall pass), just remember that we are to try our best to not be afraid of PAWS. Hate it, okay. That's natural. But remember they don't kill us. They don't permanently harm us. They just really, really suck. And to make them not suck as much, do your best to "ride" the moment out and do what you can to squelch the fear as much as possible. We already have to deal with enough with what PAWS brings, so let's not add fuel to the fire if we can.

Fight on!
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Postby Cthompson21 » Fri Sep 14, 2018 2:47 am

Thanks for the update. Glad to see you're having longer stretches of good days. The anxiety for me is still bad but getting better every week. Definitely agree that fearing the symptoms makes them worse. I feel like I'm anxious about being anxious more than being anxious about the situation itself which for me is social situations. It just creates a vicious cycle. Stay strong too I know I'm doing my best to, coming up on two months in a few days. :)
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