I can't tell the difference between lies and truth

[johnusacitizen]

“Sometimes I wonder why people who don't deserve love find it”
Me too, people like Chaney with a wife so behind him, but isn’t she also a monster?
“I lost roughly 7 years of my life dosed up to my eyeballs on antipsychotics.”
I looked around and saw people saying WE DON’T UNDERSTAND OUR FEELINGS! ..and they where unrelatable to me. Oh, I’m angry and frustrated, but I understand the cause. Even when I was young and LESS comprehending, I cared about the impossible resolution between the cultural attachments of dumb delusional stories and my feeble thoughts to BETTER UNDERSTAND.

Better isn’t perfect, so no pissing on any1 honest.
“I smoke cigarettes.”
Me too, though lately I TRY to vape more than burn leaves.
“Every time I look back at the past or try to perceive the future without God, I choke on the smoke. “
I differ from you. For me, it was my parents fantacy, and those around them. I said maybe,couldbe, might be, wouldn’t it be wonderful if their was a planned purpose, no matter the mistakes you make and decisions. Yeah that’s insane, when human being must learn from their decisions.
“I've never met a female who didn't try to control me.”
You live in a world where women have been treated as property, not FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS. You live in a culture which adores past IGNORANCE!
Happy Birthday, and quite looking to others to contextualize YOUR REALITY.

That’s your work. From the text… sounds like you’re working through this.
YOU SHOULD BUILD,CREATE, participate in creating a better world with others. If you don’t, if you long to imitate/emulate/accommodate—put on a show. You can do that, but there’s no YOU in that.

[johnusacitizen]

Ugg, responded spontaneously. I'm sorry.

1- The vast majority of people put-on-a-show. It's a tragic, sad admission.
The way your progenitors cry, it is a bit of theatre.
2 - When you meaningfully feel, surrounded by other who just PRETEND.
It's a horrifying recognition.
3 - Ancient ideas have gratuitous.
They don't, just imitative people who lived before long to make believe their shallow narratives are sane. When they haven't even started to understand, much less care about BUILDING A BETTER FUTURE.

[johnusacitizen]

Somehow someone is gonna tell me I'm doing ok--nope
I seperate myself, and think independently.
I have no relationship, as such works over time require other human beings(capable of expressing themselves)

I ad that, "without shitting on my brain the insanity of feeble minded people all around me"

One upon a time in 2011, I was told I was a MONSTER, when I merely thought independently"

[johnusacitizen]

It's ok... to work and think. It's no OK to lie and bend yourself to fulfill the greedy desires of mind-fucking/wealthy people, who want to TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE. What kind of would dictate WHO you perceive yourself as? YOU ARE USED FANTASY LOVING FOOLS. Surely the guidance will die soon.

[johnusacitizen]

Religion--it's not amazing, it's a game you play pretending to put on a show. The tradition had existed for thousands of years, ON people who long to PRETEND, MAKE-BELIEVE, PUT-ON-A SHOW, imaging the past was insightful.

These human being NEED NOT BE INSIGHTFUL, they can cling to the insanity of the the past, and MAKE BELIEVE they understand, when they actually prevent insight/thoughtfulness/compression/sanity.

It's make OK my some shallow collection of words, WE ARE HOLY.

Nope... ignorant, feebly minded, dumb, delusional--HOLY doesn't cover your madness.

[Translucent]

Oh, I will put on a show all right. The temperature is getting freezing. People need some of my fire, and I will shed some light. We're trying to help the world, not be holier than thou.

[johnusacitizen]

Dude, if I'm saying ANYTHING, I'm drunk and at least a little bit lonely. I was so lonely I wanted to die in my twenties. I longed for a lover, then just a friend, a close friend... These are normal desires. I worked among very real human beings who didn't want to share/be understood, they wanted to play a game. In fairness, they where putting on a show, and simply expected me to take them for a ride. I can't do that. Intamacy is built over time brutally honestly, it not given, it's built. No one wanted that with me. I was WANTING too hard in a shallow duplicitous culture, and no one was there. Who responds to exaggerated expressions, people wanting to take a ride and have nothing to do with you. It would have hurt more if I wheren't able to perceive them, if I was blind to they're inner thoughts I would have tried with more shallow people to build a friendship(not magically knowing the hearts of others, simply over time interactive, caring humanely).
Sorry I sounded condescending. I never ment you, so IF I WAS ACTUALLY CONDESCENDING TO YOU, WHO I KNOW NEXT TO NOTHING ABOUT, I merely demonstrate my feeble mindedness. I I'm sorry if I have the impression I (was under the delusion) understood you, when drunkenly looked for an outlet to express...

Best wishes!

[johnusacitizen]

Well my last wierd post isn't here yet(audits?). There where some errors, but what I didn't say...

I've been brutally honest for decades now, and haven't wanted to die. Longing to fit in is a problem. It's a be basic human aspect of being for most.
Who are you? What manner of human being do you stive to be? Those questions don't arise when you're still overcome with longing to fit in, to be loved, but they are MORE important directions to contemplate than the impetuous urges assisting in youth.
If you're disappointed with humanity, what kind of people do you long to be surrounded by?
Be that kind of person; be the kind of person you wished you shared this world with. Everything is better when shared with a loved one. Everything is better when you're honest, authentic, transparent, expressive and caring.
Everything is insane when make believe!

[johnusacitizen]

This place is a mess, as I wrote to you and my words disappear.
People want to fit in. They sure adored putting on a show to please those around them, rather that thinking independently. Agreeing with hords around you is so much easier than thinking for yourself. It's comforting.

Actually thinking is a hard independent work without back-slappy happy institutionally ignorant frawds playing to shape who you are.

Who you are? Yourself? Or it doesn't matter. It does!

Family who live lies aren't family at all.
Let's all pretend, what I do is remotely disagreeing! You needn't pretend I do!

[johnusacitizen]

I'm sure I posted an apology here, but it's not here. This site, it seems, isn't deligent about sharing posts from unpopular people.

I said, on essence:
I'm sorry to give impression I understand you, who I've never met.
I also said, BE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO YOU DIDN'T FIND IN LIFE. WHO YOU LONG TO MEET, BE THAT PERSON. I HAVE NO MENTOR, NOTHING LIKE THAT.

I SAID A LOT OF WORDS THAT DON'T APPEAR HERE.

LIKELY THESE WORDS WON'T STAND. WHO OWNS THIS DOMAIN/WEBSITE? I HAVEN'T LOOKED.
ALL I KNOW IS POURED IT MY HEART HERE, AND NONE APPEARS. I'M EDITED

[johnusacitizen]

According to what I CAN SEE, the most recent post was from 11/14.. now after parting this the website changes. I didn't make a mistake. I saw a version on this thread which was a lie.

[johnusacitizen]

Nope it's not a cashing issue

[johnusacitizen]

Oh, I will put on a show all right. The temperature is getting freezing. People need some of my fire, and I will shed some light. We're trying to help the world, not be holier than thou.

Except, other people lack your understanding. Language/expression these are expressive longing to find relatable sanity in others. Shine your light, others will WANT to play a part, that's all they know. Shine, and reject, and then care about those you meaningfully realize WANT TO PRETEND WITH YOU.
I'm not saying you are pretending, but the people around you?
Dude, you haunt me as few people have, particularly in such a shallow form of conversation.
I wish you shared this world with amazing insightful people, you don't. Neither do I.

[johnusacitizen]

Please say something, or it's just weird.

I will look back, this isn't necessary but I care about you, someone I never met.

[Translucent]

Please say something, or it's just weird.

I will look back, this isn't necessary but I care about you, someone I never met.

Haven't been here in a bit, how u been?