Angry at younger brother

Postby johnmason » Fri Sep 21, 2018 2:44 pm

So i feel irritated towards my younger brother ..the problem is he is always engaged in doing mobile..internet..is very very lazy..he doesn't go out from the house..has zero friends..just eat and has become so much fat in recent years.. the thing is i am worried about his future ...he isnt good at studies either..i wonder how will he get a job like this..and the most irritating part about him is that he is so stubborn / bullheaded..on one side he is so dependent on parents for everything..he is not even able to do simple things like buying clothes / basic socialisation etc.for himself..but on otherside he wont listen to us / parents..ie.(he wasted like 4 years of life after high school..just sitting in home because he coudnt get admission into his preferred college..)..i dont know..whether i really love my brother or not..may be i just want to become an ideal brother...what should i do regarding these..? Should i just let go and stop telling him what to do, coz i am tired...and i believe we are past that age too?..am i too critical of my brother..because i used to be like him..maybe sunconciously i dont want to see this traits in him?
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#1

Postby quietvoice » Fri Sep 21, 2018 4:21 pm

I understand where you're coming from. It can be difficult to watch someone you love go through suffering, especially when that suffering can be mitigated or eliminated by their own thinking and effort.

Note that I said "their own thinking and effort." You can not live another person's life for them. You can only live your own. The best that you can do is to support them in any positive direction that they may take.

Everything begins in the mind. Any thought or set of thoughts create an emotional state, and from that state we take action; from action we get results. Habitual thinking creates habitual actions, creating the the conditions of our life.

Since you cannot get into his mind and do his thinking for him, perhaps you can find some reading material along the lines of the change-your-mind-change-your-life type, and present it to him. There are plenty of such resources online and at bookstores.
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#2

Postby johnmason » Fri Sep 21, 2018 4:56 pm

I dont think he will even read it..i have given advice to him millions of times..but will try..
Could you recommend me any site / link/ videos about developing good relationship with your family members..ie.with parents , siblings..etc..
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#3

Postby quietvoice » Fri Sep 21, 2018 6:47 pm

No, I do not have recommendations.

It also occurred to me . . . simply love him as he is. Give him space to be, and at the same time, be a role model for how he can be a better him. Continually improve yourself, in whatever way you are led, and show him that, just by being who you are, that there are better ways to live. People tend to mimic those around them.

If he doesn't care, then he doesn't care.
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#4

Postby johnmason » Sat Sep 22, 2018 1:13 pm

Well i gotta try..i also feel many times i am overly critical...of others..maybe i am placing my standards on others....i will try to accept him for who he is with little improvements..gotta keep trying..
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#5

Postby quietvoice » Sat Sep 22, 2018 6:29 pm

johnmason wrote:gotta keep trying..

Nobody likes a nag. Let people come around in their own time; they have their own conscious or unconscious reasons for doing what they do, i.e., they are getting something out of it. When or if the pain gets to be too much for them, they will find a way out.

Else, what business is it of yours? What do you get out of telling him how to live his life? Would the energy you put into being angry serve you better applied elsewhere?
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#6

Postby laureat » Sun Sep 23, 2018 1:31 pm

if you think you know something about you should talk with the parents about it but thats it,

its cool if you guys can talk to each other but you have no authority upon your brother you should take care of yourself
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