Hate my looks, feel like people stare at me all the time

Postby BuffyFanX » Mon Sep 24, 2018 4:30 pm

Hey Im new to this , I don't know what else to do as I feel like I can't talk to anyone.. I'm 25 years old have 2 young kids & been with my boyfriend for 9 years now, overall I am happy with these aspects of my life I wouldn't change it for the world but for many years now I have been down about my looks mainly my nose, I feel like I'm feeling worse about my self as each day goes on, I cry myself to sleep most nights I try to hide it from my bf now as he has grown sick of me complaining of my looks he doesn't understand how it feels he just says he thinks I'm beautiful but he doesn't realise no matter how many people tell me that I will still think otherwise, I will never afford a nose job we are in debt & I don't think I will ever accept my nose either I hate people looking at me from the side I feel like people stare a lot when I'm out,I'm constantly looking at other people's noses & no'ones nose looks as big as mine I feel like everyone is better than me & I am very awkward in social situations , I feel like people talk about me as soon as I leave the room, I don't want to feel like this anymore I have beautiful kids a goodboyfriend but im constantly feeling down,I feel like I have the opposite of what people find attractive when I look at photos of myself I look mutant , sorry for the long post I guess I don't know where else to turn out what else to do now x
BuffyFanX
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Postby lifelonglearner » Tue Sep 25, 2018 4:09 am

Hello BuffyFanX, thank you for opening up.

Your body may not be what you want it to be, and it may be one thing or many things. Ultimately though, the most common way to respond to your post would be to simply tell you, "There's only one you, so you're beautiful in your own way." However, I'm sure that you've heard this quite a lot and are sick of it. I'll approach this another way.

I will start out by saying that everyone that says that 'you are beautiful no matter what', is wrong. It's not true that you're beautiful no matter what. You aren't.

But wait, before you raise your eyebrows at my rudeness, hear out my theory. My idea of how you will perceive beauty is different perhaps from what others might think about beauty. Let's pretend for a moment that perceiving beauty is exactly the same as perceiving taste. Where you see wonderful makeup, you admire the beauty. When you taste a delicious dish, you enjoy the taste. Okay? Suppose that you and I baked the same cake from the same ingredients and in the same kitchen environment. Of course, being from different culinary 'parents', both cakes will come out tasting differently, having a different texture, and perhaps even appearing to have different looks. That much is easy to agree on, wouldn't you say? Now suppose that you and I tasted one another's cakes, then presented them to a dinner party where each participant tasted both cakes. It probably wouldn't be against your previous experiences to hear the difference in reviews. Their responses all sound like, "'Oh, that frosting was so sweet!' 'The cake melts in my mouth; how did you do that?' 'You did a pretty good job.'" In contrast, all that you hear in your head is, "I over seasoned the cake breading. The frosting's sugar didn't mix well enough. The cake is crumbling apart and too moist. This cake is missing more vanilla extract. There isn't enough condensed milk in it." Finally, when you and I exchange constructive criticism over each others' cakes as the cooks, you hear a more honest opinion, but it still isn't as harsh as your own. Likewise, you will point out a few of my flaws, but I will know far more than you will. Or at least I will think that I know, because I perceive taste differently than others.
To bring this back to beauty, I want to say that your perception of yourself is what truly matters. Whether others like your cake or love it, the most important thing is knowing the pros and cons of your cake and giving fair recognition to everything, whether that means tolerating slightly salty breading, or enjoying perfect frosting. Your nose sounds like an insecurity of yours, so I will address that now. I will not tell you that your nose is perfect if you do not believe so. I also won't encourage you to think any differently if you don't like it. But I will encourage you to take a big picture look at your appearance. Like a cake baked with many ingredients, maybe all the other parts of your body create a nice, cohesive woman. Perhaps you are missing no fingers or toes, and you aren't cross-eyed. Perhaps you look complete and have a nice figure. Perhaps the nose that you think is imperfect does not impact the rest of your beauty as a whole. Finally, perhaps I am wrong about everything and you need not listen to me. This is a likely possiblity, but I will end with this note: no matter how bad you think your cake is, I guarantee that someone will like at least one thing about it, whether it be the frosting, or the texture, or the overall flavor. I encourage you to notice this also. Your nose may not be as imperfect as you think! It also may not be as important as you think (to creating a bad image, that is).
I hope that this wasn't offensive and helped you feel better about yourself altogether. Let me know if I need to apologize if it was offensive. Take care.
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