Mood and Activity Diary

Postby Mayfair » Wed Sep 26, 2018 8:54 am

I was at work and doing the best I can. Running around trying to please my boss and the clients that I am working for. I don't feel good. Life doesn't owe me anything. Yes I eat good. Yes I go exercise. I keep a diary of sorts for work and mood but here I felt the need to post online. I don't expect anyone to reply in fact I don't want you to I don't believe you have anything important to say and I won't respond to trolls. I feel like a robot most days doing the same thing over and over and over and getting nowhere. Today I feel tired and depressed and working hard at work. Can't think of much to say I don't really do much with my life because there is little I want. I eat. I sleep. I work. What else can I do? What else to do? I can't think just spitballing here. Throwing ideas out onto page and looking to see what happens.

I wish you good health and good luck.

Time to get back to work......


Postby Mayfair » Wed Sep 26, 2018 9:23 am

If you notice I'm not asking the reader (you) anything. However, you can witness the madness and stupidity of life and of life in general. I find life stupid and odd. Perhaps I am stupid and odd. Great. Doing my best at work here.Got to work hard in this life because that's when you get...ummm to work hard and feel good about always working. Work. Yes go human beings that work for whatever reason they have. Yes good reasons like....umm


Postby Mayfair » Wed Sep 26, 2018 10:13 am

I don't see what is great about my life or what I want from it. The more I think about what life has to offer the more I find it stupid and odd to me.


Postby Mayfair » Wed Sep 26, 2018 10:43 am

Working hard doesn't guarantee success or getting what you want. Sometimes it just doesn't happen and I'm left with no solutions. I've got no new ideas. Work hard dude!


Postby Mayfair » Wed Sep 26, 2018 10:59 am

I broke down in the shower the other night and sobbed and cried for no obvious reason. That's life I guess.


Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Sep 26, 2018 4:01 pm

There is a former member that use to have similar thoughts. He struggled, because he had very low self esteem from as he described, an exceedingly small penis. He too felt life was all about work and without purpose.

This all changed when he found a meaningful relationship with a wonderful woman...let’s just call her Cherry. Finally this dominated, relative to work and other things in life. This provided purpose, as he dedicated himself to Cherry. Life was no longer just work, but so much more.
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Postby Mayfair » Thu Sep 27, 2018 6:37 am

I didn't get much sleep last night.


Postby Mayfair » Thu Sep 27, 2018 6:42 am

I feel sick most days.


Postby Mayfair » Thu Sep 27, 2018 6:42 am

Getting up and going to work soon.


Postby Mayfair » Thu Sep 27, 2018 6:50 am

I don't have much to say anymore. I'm most often wrong about things. I'm not very smart. Doing the best I can for whatever reason I guess because I have to. Thats just the way it is. I've got noting much going on. Know what I mean? It's hard to explain how I feel most days. What can anyone do. My head hurts most days. I cry a lot. I sleep when I can. I do my best at work. I try you know but don't often have many successful days. Often I find me alone in my house talking to myself in an odd way.

I'm honestly trying to move forward. Keep going you know that sort of thing. To be a productive member of my community. Other people don't owe me anything so I do my best to avoid them in real life. I know I'm talking gibberish. Can't help it. Just writing my thoughts down. My mind races over and over. It's like 7am here.


Postby Mayfair » Thu Sep 27, 2018 6:56 am

Being a nice guy didn't get me to a a happy place in life. I wish I' wasn't a nice guy. I worry a lot about the current state of my life. I'm like a ghost drifting through or something.


Postby Mayfair » Thu Sep 27, 2018 7:00 am

I was told to write down my thoughts and feelings by my social worker. Her name is Nora Conway. She doesn't like me much. I don't blame people for not liking me. I let her lead the conversation and I keep my answers short to a yes or no or single word answers. I tell her I don't have much to say. I know I'm just repeating myself. It's like a Mexican standoff. We stare at each and she would ask me questions and I do my best to answer them.


Postby Mayfair » Thu Sep 27, 2018 7:02 am

I'm often frustrated, depressed and angry. After work I don't do much with my life. So it's probably all good.


Postby Mayfair » Thu Sep 27, 2018 7:04 am

I picture myself talking like this or to myself and imagine that nobody is listening. I'm a freak. I don't belong here. It's funny actually.


Postby Mayfair » Thu Sep 27, 2018 7:07 am

Everything is good. Everything is fine. I tell myself these things when I don't believe them. So I keep saying to myself everything is going to be okay. Then a few days later I would find myself crying in the shower or in the car driving. But I'm okay. I know I'm doing the best I can. Everything is going to be okay.


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