almost 5 months free of weed

Postby dennisg787 » Wed Oct 17, 2018 1:03 pm

hi everyone,my name is dennis i come from greece and im 31 years old.
i want to thank everyone in here,your posts and personal stories were realy helpfull to me.
to begin i was smoking weed since i was 17 but it wasnt that much,i live in a small village and it was hard to find as i was 17 and i didnt want my parents to find out.
after the years was passing it was getting easier for me to find and i became if not a daily smoker every other day smoker.
at the age of 23 i had to do my national service so i had to quit.i remember that i didnt have any issues at all,maybe some vivid dreams but that it was cause i was streesed becase i was in the army.
after i finish the army i went back to my old job and i wasnt smoking very much cause i didnt have time to find any and i was in another city and i didnt know anyone.
after a year i quit my job cause the money was sh** and i came back to my place and my friends.
before i leave for my national service i was the only one of my friends who was smoking weed but after i came back all my friends were smoking too so i went realy excited about that so we start to smoke all day every day.
after a couple of years police arrest our dealer so we could not find any and were smoking here and then when we had some untill one day that we had a stupid idea to grow indoors,so we bought the equipment,we bought seeds from amsterdam and here we go...
at the beggining it was so nice,we were smoking high grates buds all day every day.
that was going on for 4 years.
30/5/2018 i decide i need to stop because i was getting bad highs i was paranoid and i was watching all the habits i use to love to be replaced from getting stoned and play video games,so i quit cold turkey.

the first and second day everything was ok but the 3rd day was like hell to me.i could not even walk.i got all the spysical symptom you can get from acute withdrawal and they last for almost 45 days.on those 45 days i had to work 12 hours shifts during night time so it was hell of a time.
i was sleeping maybe 2 hours a day and i was like zombie and i thought that the brain fog dp/dr, depression, anxiety was from luck of sleep.i was partly right but it was not just from luck of sleep.
after the 3 months mark i finished my job and i was a little bit better but me and my girlfriend had decide to move to uk to start a new life together and that it was the most stressful thing ever.i wasnt sure if i can leave my comfort zone and start something new the way i was.
so here we are now in uk.i got a job at my girlfriends brother whos got a family here amd i starting next week,im so stressed about that.
today is 4 months and 20 days clean and i can say i see some improvements but not huge ones but at least im not like i were before 2 months.i still have not good days,low energy ,dr,anxiety,depression,are always present but the most difficult past is that i feel bump,my brain doesnt work properly,my short term memory is low but better than 2 months ago.
i know i have to wait and be patience and i will see improvement in a while.
i just wanna feel better,i want to see my face glowing again i want to feel again cause my feelings are numb atm and that hurts.

again thanks everyone in here cause you are my best friends on my journey and you are giving me hope.
i will keep you updated.
sorry for my english.
i love you all.
keep it strong

dennis :D
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Postby cleanofgreen » Thu Oct 18, 2018 6:47 pm

Hey Dennis

Congrats on the almost 5 months.
I know what its like to have all that high grade bud at your disposal, great idea at first but in the end it kicks you it the butt. Maybe that's a good thing as It probably was the only way we would have ever given it up and seen the light.

That's some strong will power to move country and set up a new life and job right in the middle of it. Some like Bagobones say that its much better to keep as busy as possible in the early stages of recovery. Just keep going and don't let your mind get the better of you. A lot here on the forum report big improvements at the 6 month mark so you're not far off that mile stone.

Look forward to hearing your updates in the future.
Good luck and stay strong.
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Postby dennisg787 » Thu Oct 18, 2018 7:54 pm

hey cleanofgreen thank you very much for your reply!!
i know it takes about six months to start feeling better and im really looking forward to start feeling better.
my sleep still a mess like one night im sleeping ok the next night falling asleep but wake up after 2 hours and my sleep is always with vivid dreams,not nightmares but they are veryyy vivid..
i hope everyone in here will find some peace in their lives and first i thought i was the only person going through this nightmare and this forum gave me lots of power to keep going.thank you again everyone and im looking forward to update
love you all
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Postby Brudenski » Fri Oct 19, 2018 7:16 am

Well man i know it's hell i quitted 4 days before you.
Hope is all we have while trying to get the better of this experience.
It's definitely a long bumpy road but "remember,today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday"
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Postby dennisg787 » Fri Oct 19, 2018 10:18 am

thanks brudenski and i wish you all the best on your recovery.
how true is what you said,you know everyday im worriing about the tomorrow especially when i have to do anything and i always thinking what you said
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Postby reckoning » Sun Oct 21, 2018 8:54 pm

Welcome dennis,

I'm almost 10 months down this path of being cannabis-free after a long term struggle to live without it.

This is what I've come to understand in this time:

It's hard to get unhooked from a cannabis life but it's even harder to stay hooked to something you know you really don't want to do anymore.
It's hard to give up cannabis routines which I relied on to make me cope with life but it's even harder to keep those routines going year after year after year.
It's hard to sleep without those things that would unnaturally knock me out but it's even harder to live a life habit of induced sleepiness- I may as well be in an induced coma!
It's hard to meet my emotional self and learn how to self sooth her but it's even harder to only offer suppression and delusion to my emotional self.

So this first period has been making choices between hard and harder. The hard stuff is transforming me, while the harder stuff was destroying me.

So dennis keep going, keep posting here and know that you are on a great path. I thank everyone for being here.
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Postby dennisg787 » Mon Oct 22, 2018 4:02 pm

hey reckoning and thanks for your wise words,i can fully understand what you are trying hard to change this habit,i moved to another country,have a new job,i left my old life back which is hard for me.
i was smoking for many years and as you said its really hard to live with out far my mind doesnt want it anymore.
let me ask you how are you feeling after 10 month.
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Postby reckoning » Mon Oct 22, 2018 7:08 pm

Hey Dennisg787,

I am feeling very very different about my life ten months down the track.

I feel different about myself too.

I feel closer to whom I want to be.

I feel more capable.

I feel healthier for sure.

I feel grateful and my life feels more purposeful.

I feel more in control of my life now- well as much as we can have control.

I feel more understanding about many things- in other words I am less reactionary. Reacting to stuff used to be very exhausting and I now realise how much cannabis had to do with that.

Like you I had to make some big changes in order to be able to achieve all this so I know the zone you are in. Leaving an old life behind is really really hard , but keep going. I'm still trying to rework my neural pathways so that anxiety does not rule my responses especially to big changes in my life.

This has taken time and like all feelings they are not there all the time. Feelings change everyday but now ten months down the track these are some of the positive feelings that I have. Some days it still feels hard but I can see the rewards now.
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Postby dennisg787 » Mon Oct 22, 2018 7:29 pm

nice to hear that you are doing good.
for me so far it feels like im disconected from the world and i feel anxius about the way iam physicly and mentaly.
physicly i feel like im tired all the time and weak and im so stressed about my new job.
mentaly i feel nump but is better that when i start this journey.
also i feel depressed and i feel my brain doesnt works properly but thankfully as the time pass i will getting better and better.
when i start this i didnt know any of the cannabis withdrawals and i was so scared about the way i was but i found you people and honestly you are the best thing could ever happened to me.
now i know that i need to have patience to fight it and hopefully im going to get out of this stronger.
again thank you very much for everything
sorry for my english
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Postby reckoning » Mon Oct 22, 2018 9:58 pm

hey dennis,

Your English is good. yes I felt very very tired in the early days too. I had to learn new ways of self care. I suffered similar to you too in the beginning. There was a lot of new habits I had to learn and it was extremely tiring and taxing. Keep going , the evidence is clear from the people on here that slowly it gets better and better.

Everything you say suggests that your body and mind is doing important work. Work it needs to do in order to learn what it feels like to be cannabis free. Something that you have ,which costs you nothing, is time. Throw time at this change and you will benefit. cheers Liz
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Postby dennisg787 » Tue Oct 23, 2018 4:23 pm

i have no choise other than staying clean and give my self some time,as much as it takes.
i have no desire to smoke again to feel better cause it doesnt make it any better,i tried that at the beginning of my journey.
thank you again liz and i wish you all the best
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