I feeling everyday worse for my birth sex

Postby ronzinante » Sun Oct 21, 2018 8:42 pm

First of all: thank you for reading this text, sorry for my poor English, I am not a native speaker and I am bad in these kind of things even in my own language (Italian)

When I was a child I always liked girls games, I used to play with my sister's games. I used to like the typical girls cartoon and I did not understand why other boys did not watch them. I remember that I used to watch and italian cartoon of this sort of teenage girls with magical powers. I used to want to be like one of these girls characters. Growing up things did not change, at 13/14 years old I started secretly dressing up with my sister cloths. I think that it that period I started feeling unhappy. I remember that I was feeling really different from the other boys, I felt strange all time. At that time I find out that I was attracted to males, so I thought it was about being homosexual. At 17 years old I started focusing on school, in order to avoid thinking of mine inner problems. I was good (and I am still) in programming so I embraced it and after high school I started university. And then here we are, now I am at the third year of university and these feelings came back stronger than ever. I do not know how to handle them. I do not want to ruin my career, my life and my family. I have talked of this issue with my best friend (a girl), but she was not really able to help me. She just tried to convince me to accept my body as it is, but I am really not capable of it. I am not a boy and faking it is painful. It is not just dressing up or these kind of things, it is a more deeply feeling.

I at least need to talk with someone but I do not have other friends that would at least remain my friend after this kind of revelation. I remember that once with my colleagues we talked about transgender and they were all against them. One said that they should be pushed in dead camps, another one said that he had a friend that changed sex and he did not talk with him anymore for this reason.

I'm feeling hopeless and I am starting to consider suicide as an option. People do not understand and I don't know how I should handle this situation.

I hope this is the correct section for my problem, have a nice day.
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#1

Postby tokeless » Mon Oct 22, 2018 7:02 am

I think you should try and contact a helpline for people with gender identification worries for support and advice. If this is who you are then you have to be that person regardless of the price you may have to pay. The world is bigger than your circle and there's a place for you to be happy in it. Good luck and best wishes.
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#2

Postby Candid » Mon Oct 22, 2018 9:53 am

There are a lot of people like your colleagues in the world, but there is also a growing number of people who are happy to "live and let live" no matter what differences we encounter. Your circle isn't necessarily representative of what's out there, particularly if you have the medical procedure to make you physically the young woman you are on the inside. That would involve initial counselling and put you in touch with whatever support groups are out there.

I at least need to talk with someone...


Indeed you do, but not the 'friends' who would abandon you for choosing to become the woman you are. You are young enough to make new friends with a changed identity, but there are a lot of questions to be resolved first and probably no one on the forum who could do so.

All transgender people have made the big decision and had to manage their relationships with other people, so meeting one or more of them is a priority. I hope you can find the support you need, and wish you all the best.
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#3

Postby Livetowin » Thu Oct 25, 2018 12:39 pm

One thing to always remember in your journey through life is the rubber only meets the road when you understand it's WHO you are that matters, not WHAT you are. When Christopher Reeve became paralyzed from an accident, everyone knew him as Superman. Imagine carrying that image but not being able to even move! Did this stop him from being the person he is? Did he let the weight of the image break him? No it didn't. He actually became better at being who he was. And people respected him more for it, because they saw his merits came not from superficial appearances, but from a real place inside himself. Suddenly he became more substantial than the image he portrayed and people saw what that actual person looked liked from where it counted. Superman took a knee to Christopher Reeve.

If the actor had obsessed over the image, then the image would have defined who he was and he would have given up on life once he became paralyzed. He did not because WHO he was was stronger and more defined than a superficial image society had given him. Happiness and identity should NEVER be defined by superficial appearances. People who engage in that belief, struggle and suffer once those surface elements fade, whether it be beauty queens, rock stars, athletes, models, or movie stars. They tried to place something as important as identity into something that is transient. Obsessing over it and getting a momentary response of gratification for it, does not make it REAL.

So think long and hard about obsessing over appearances. Because whether you are young or old, man or woman, time takes most things from us in that department. And you are investing your entire life for moments that are only superficially gratifying. But none of it has anything to do with WHO you are. If you can not accept yourself , how can anyone else? Figure out WHO you are and maybe you'll find out the superficial stuff means less than the weight you give it today. I wish you all my best in your journey.
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