Losing my best friend

Postby assthetic_03 » Sat Oct 27, 2018 3:05 pm

This person has been my best friend for almost 11 years. We’ve had arguments, but always promised that we’ll be there for each other any time. In the past year we’ve been growing more and more dependent of each other and can’t do anything without each other, or at least I can’t do anything without them. Someone once told me that our friendship seems like only my best friend is gaining from it: they make new friends and socialise more, but they’re also depriving me from creating new friendships and going to social events because they get upset and think that i’m going to leave them. At first, I just couldn’t believe this about my friend: they always say that they love me and that they can’t live without me (I know it’s cheesy, but I do want to believe that it’s the truth). Recently, they haven’t been texting me as often as they used to, they haven’t been replying to my texts in a blink of an eye as they used to and all the things that that someone said are coming to life. It even feels like my best friend is much more happier when they spend time with other people than when they’re with me, like spending time with me is just a routine. And I don’t know why they are still staying with me, but I feel so bad because I need them: I am incapable of making new friends since I am not sociable at all. I don’t have anyone but them on my side and if I lose them, I won’t have anyone else left.
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#1

Postby tokeless » Sat Oct 27, 2018 4:03 pm

Your friend is doing what you should do, which is expanding their friends list. You say you need them but they don't really need you by the sounds of it. You can make other friends, just like you made this one.. If you come across as the friend who waits until I'm ready, then you'll just have to wait. Is that what you really want?
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#2

Postby Candid » Sun Oct 28, 2018 8:38 am

assthetic_03 wrote:Someone once told me that our friendship seems like only my best friend is gaining from it: they make new friends and socialise more, but they’re also depriving me from creating new friendships and going to social events because they get upset and think that i’m going to leave them.


You've gone to great ungrammatical lengths to avoid telling us your best friend's gender. Why is this?

Just curious.
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#3

Postby Livetowin » Sun Oct 28, 2018 4:30 pm

You're not losing your best friend. You're finding out that identity is not achieved by swapping forget-me-nots with another person to heal wounds of insecurities. What you've had as a bond with this other person is a commonality of feeling wounded. When two people meet and establish relationships like this, it becomes like swapping love songs with each other. You're just riding this high of, " You accept me, so I accept you" and both of you get off on that false commerce of espousing emotional poetry to one another to satisfy the fact both of you feel inadequate.

The death of that kind of relationship is when one of you starts to find some semblance of identity or finds someone who sings it better. It's not real my friend. That's your wounds talking, not vows from someone who actually believes in what they say. You state those comments because you want to hear them returned to you. As stated, there is a commerce in play here and now you're finding out it actually holds no value, because you're looking for a return on your exclamations of ultimate devotion and the other person is waking up to the thought that maybe it's not just about what others say that matters.

Have that love affair with yourself. Because until you learn to love yourself and understand what is of merit with you, it is impossible for you to love another person. I wish you all the best.
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#4

Postby tokeless » Sun Oct 28, 2018 6:59 pm

Candid wrote:
assthetic_03 wrote:Someone once told me that our friendship seems like only my best friend is gaining from it: they make new friends and socialise more, but they’re also depriving me from creating new friendships and going to social events because they get upset and think that i’m going to leave them.


You've gone to great ungrammatical lengths to avoid telling us your best friend's gender. Why is this?

Just curious.


I spotted that but didn't want to assume one. Hence my avoidance in the reply.
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#5

Postby Armstrong » Sun Oct 28, 2018 7:44 pm

tokeless wrote:You can make other friends, just like you made this one.. If you come across as the friend who waits until I'm ready, then you'll just have to wait. Is that what you really want?

Why?
I mean disbelievers wants men/soldiers/strong muscular people. Believers want females/mercy/chubby people for camouflage. Too little fat and its dangerous however much muscle you have. Actually metaphorically speaking you should have more fat than muscle and enjoy eating.
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#6

Postby Candid » Mon Oct 29, 2018 8:12 am

tokeless wrote:I spotted that but didn't want to assume one. Hence my avoidance in the reply.


It's the go-too for people who don't want to give away the fact that they're in a same-sex relationship. Seeing as we don't know assthetic_03's gender either, it's kind of a blip here.
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#7

Postby johnusacitizen » Thu Nov 08, 2018 9:11 am

Op.. what nonsense. You must be so bored.
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