I’m lonely

Postby John_smith » Fri Dec 07, 2018 12:31 am

Recently I released im extremely lonely, I feel as though everyone in the world could disappear and I’d feel exactly the same. People just feel so disconnected from me they don’t even feel real. Honestly I don’t know why it took so long to realise I’m lonely I’ve always been this way. I didn’t like making friends when I was younger to me even if I did spend all my time with someone they would still feel the same as if I hadn’t spent a moment with them, so I just didn’t make friends despite my parents many attempts to make me play with other kids.

I think somewhere around 4th grade I noticed this feeling of emptiness in myself, that I still feel today but now I know it is because of how lonely I feel, back then I could only understand that I must make friends. So I did, but the feeling was still there. I tried to convince myself for a long time that I wasn’t sad because I had friends and I was supposed to be happy but I still felt so lonely.

In maybe 9th grade of so, I understood more that this loneliness exsisted though I couldn’t directly conceptualise that. Instead I desired I was a god of sort and that this world was simply a hallucination which is why nothing felt real or connected. It also gave me a reason to dislike people where before I hated myself for that.

That god complex lasted about a year until I decided I was being stupid and understanding I didn’t connect to people didn’t help my sadness. So I turned to drugs and sex to try and feel a connection to anyone, but still nothing. At this point in my life I felt so lonely that I would cling onto any sign of love from someone, but the closer I got to people the more that feeling faded. Doctors, teachers, strangers any one that showed any affection to me i would feel this connection with for a moment and thank god in that state of mind no one ever took advantage of me.

Any way all of that takes me to today. I have a solid group of friends that I feel no connection to and I only recently realised that when people say “miss you” sometimes they actually mean it and aren’t just being polite. I’m lonely. I feel like I would be no different if every one died right now and left me alone. I really want help. Does anyone know what this is? How I can help it?
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Postby Candid » Fri Dec 07, 2018 8:14 am

There's a whole raft of personality disorders nowadays, any one of which could explain why you feel the way you do. On your behalf I googled "online test for personality disorder". This is one: https://www.proprofs.com/quiz-school/st ... order-test

There are others, and I hope you'll enjoy answering the questions. Don't feel bad about it. TBH I find the (relatively new) label of "personality disorder" insulting, and it seems there's one for everybody. That being said, it could be worth having a discussion with your doctor if any one of these tests seems to fit the way you view the world.
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