2 years down the drain and starting again

[Angryoptimist]

Well here we go again.

After a period of smoking marijuana for about 10 years from 18-28 I decided enough was enough and that the time to quit had to happen immediately. Like a lot of people I thought that weed was absolutely harmless in large quantities but like anything that is abused, it got the best of me and I could feel myself changing into this mess of a person. Anxiety and paranoia through the roof, major weight gain from overeating, loss of social life, depression spells that would last month and absolutely no ambition or drive.
Those two years of marijuana cessation were very difficult and exhausting but with the confidence gained from reading this forum, I knew that I would eventually heal and the PAWS symptoms, would eventually disappear. Amazingly this was the case as I actually became a lot better. Anxiety and depression faded away slowly but surely, and I was able to hold down a job and I was able to repair my social life. The majority of my days were very good and I was pleasantly surprised with the outcome because I thought I was completely brain fried from the years of consistent pot use. This all changed again about 6 months ago.
Weed became legal in Canada not long ago and I became extremely tempted to use. Pot shops starting popping up everywhere and the social stigma is fading away. I was doing pretty well with life at that point and figured I would eventually try pot again, what could possibly be the harm? Big mistake. I was between jobs and bored and somewhat dissatisfied with life in June and this began a downward spiral of getting back on the pot. By August, I broke my two year clean stint. At first I thought I was all healed up and that I wouldn’t get addicted. My curiousity to try pot again after so much time was worth it and it wasn’t horrible to use the substance once in a while as long as I didn’t abuse it. This was the starting point for being addicted to pot again, as I tarted to use every other day then eventually everyday multiple times smoking. Before too long I was back in my same old ways, and the Same old symptoms of abuse came back. I started a new job and I suppose my energy was off and I acted strange and got thielabel of weird and could feel anxiety and paranoia setting in. On Sunday I quit again and this time I want to make sure it sticks. It’s day 5 of no weed and PAWS has come back in full force, with only 1 of the 5 days being normal for me. I’m kicking myself for falling into the trap again, and desperately want to be back to normal. Again I know this will take some time and getting used to but my message to everyone is do not get tempted and start using again. It’s absolutely not worth getting high again even for one day. The way I see now my marijuana card has been pulled and am absolutely not allowed to use it again. It’s scary going through this same bs again and I warn everyone not to fall into old habits. Be strong and take care of yourselves as I am going to learn to do again.

[potsleep]

Wow that sucks. I know the feeling. I'm in Toronto and when all the shops started popping up like 5 years ago is when I started hitting it hard. High grade pure THC indica. This is when I totally became dependant on weed and developed physical and emotional issues.

I'm 12 months clean and PAWS kicked my donkey! I'll admit I tried some 4:1 (CBD+THC) oil drops to help the insomnia but it never really did anything.

At least you know whats ahead. I was totally blind-sided by PAWS. Had I known... I would've quit years ago and tapered down.

I think doctors in Canada better get learned up on PAWS because my doctor looked at me funny when told him I'm totally in weed withdrawal.

[InkChalk]

That was a nicely written, thanks. and Tough situation.
It's not down the drain, you definitely learnt something from your re-visit.

As potsleep said, you know what's ahead. I definitely found the second quit a lot easier than than the initial one. With better understanding of my actions of overeating, sleep habits etc... were a results of.
My self-study into Mindfulness has helped me through a lot of the anxiety lately.

The legalization is a really kick in the butt in a way. I found temptation has been hinting up as i drive by the dispensaries... although the stores have been around here in BC for a couple years already.

Keep it up, be strong. Glad you built up the strength to drop the habit.

[Cthompson21]

I'm in a similar situation...two and a half years and I beat PAWS and smoked once and now I'm back in the thick of it. My heart goes out to you, hoping we can find the strength to break through to the other side again.

[ashthewarrior7]

Cthompson21, how are you doing now? Compared to the days right after your last puff of weed. I hope things are better. I think bullfrog is doing a lot better since he less active over here now. What month are you in now?

[Cthompson21]

Ash I'm doing better thanks for asking but definitely not 100%. The anxiety is a lot better, not the panic stuff I would get every day but now just a lingering anxiety. I get the DP too but less intensely. Feels like my brain can't process all the information that's coming into it, like I get a tunnel vision sometimes. Sleep was four hours a night now it's five. That's about where I am. My mood is low. Amazing that just one or two puffs can do all this and I'm still struggling. Hopefully bullfrog is doing better? It seems like when I'm having good days I don't obsess on this site as much. I'm at 4.5 months.

[ashthewarrior7]

There was another guy called pip boy, he had a similar experience as you. Did it very little and he faced PAWS. But he recovered and was fine over time. Glad to know the worst of the anxiety is behind you.

[Cthompson21]

@Ash good to know he was fine later, I hope I will be too. I worry because time number two facing paws means more brain damage. I've heard of alcoholics that relapse again and again, going back to PAWS from just one night of drinking and have lasting issues that linger for years and years. Just one time smoking and I was having the worst anxiety, for the first two weeks I can't describe it's intensity, it was like a knock on the door or the sound of a lawnmower in the yard sent me into a panic attack. All from just a little weed! Thankfully those days are behind me but i hope my case can serve as an example and lesson do NOT smoke again, or you will reset your progress. Not to get too preachy but for me anyway the amount of agony I'm in months later was not worth the high that lasted a couple hours...Now the only thing to do is keep moving forward.