How do I deal with my regrets?

Postby unknowwn » Sat Dec 08, 2018 1:18 pm

If theres one regret I have in life, it's one from my adolescence. I'm up at midnight writing this because its been playing in my mind for the first time in awhile. I've been thinking about my family today and this is what triggered it.

When I was 14 my mother and father divorced. I'm the oldest of 3 siblings. My mother had no work experience and my dad just left us so my mum was an emotional wreck, I remember she couldnt get out if bed for weeks. She was stressed trying to figure everything out. They were married 15 years. 2 weeks after they seperated my father slept with my mothers only and closest cousin, you could imagine what that did to her. I was there for her, during this time my mother said I was her rock and I was what kept her going. Because i was the oldest I had this responsibility to keep my family together, and to keep them strong.

My father was quite the controlling type, I was never allowed any freedom when he was with us. He was strict jehovah witness and put it on all of us. I couldn't even see friends outside of school so you could imagine I rebelled when he left and I did. I cant remember why I rebelled so hard but I turned into quite a mess. By the age of 15 I was in the wrong crowd, doing drugs and drinking alcohol. My mother never tried to stop me and to this day I dont know why. Im now 23 and I wish she did.

I brought nasty people into our home, I had parties there and people trashed the place. My sister was there. She used to just stay in her room when I had 'friends' over. I hate that I did this and my mum just didnt care. I wont go into detail but you can probably guess how it was like. I regret doing this, and I wish I could have been stronger for my family. I was supposed to be the rock but somehow I got trapped in a dark place with dark people. I free'd myself from them when I was about 16 after something horrible happened. It was i guess you could say a wake up call. Since then I've been doing well for myself but I just hate to think how my sister was affected by it all. She was already a shy person and i brought strangers into her home. I hate myself for it.

Basically I wish I never rebelled so hard to the extent it put my family and home in danger. I was supposed to be the one to keep them safe and I did the opposite.
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Postby Candid » Sat Dec 08, 2018 1:33 pm

unknowwn, at 14 you were way too young to step into your father's shoes, and it was unfair of your mother to expect it of you. If anyone in your family owes an apology, your mother owes one to you. She didn't intervene when you had the bad guys round because she'd cast you in the parent role and didn't have the maturity to deal with the situation.

I free'd myself from them when I was about 16 after something horrible happened. It was i guess you could say a wake up call.

So you had a year or so of running wild in a phase you now regret. You did much better than I did, and I'm still here to tell the story, a bit battle-scarred and with some major regrets, but the wisdom to know everyone has regrets and dwelling on them doesn't change anything except to make you feel rotten. And feeling rotten about yourself has a way of attracting bad situations to you.

Since then I've been doing well for myself...

I salute you! Keep that in mind, make it a major part of your self-image, and you'll go from strength to strength.

As to your sister, she has to find her own way. As far as I know everyone has bad stuff happen to them or around them that they didn't initiate and couldn't have controlled. She retreated to her room and kept herself safe. If she was in any way scarred by it, there are professionals she can talk to.
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