I feel like I deserve to be treated badly.

Postby unknowwn » Fri Dec 14, 2018 1:50 pm

For the past year I haven't been myself. I feel weak. Tired. Defeated. Whenever something happens to me that I know I shouldnt have to be putting up with I just give up instead of standing up for myself because I'm just tired. I usually feel like I deserve what is happening to me. I feel worthless and I hate it but doing something about it seems hard. Why does it seem so hard? Better question, why is it so much easier to just accept disrespect, abuse etc instesd of fighting back?

I hate who I have become. I used to be so strong and I've somehow lost that through various fights, dramas and conflicts. The thing is I know deep down I'm a good person I just dont think I'm worth it therefore I dont stand up for myself. I think if I loved myself enough I would have more energy to put a stop to bad behaviour but I dont and i dont know why i feel that way about myself. I do know one thing though- I want to feel like myself again. Strong. Independent. The kind of girl who doesn't take bs from anybody. I dont want to be the girl who feels hurt, says nothing about it and in turn feels miserable all day until it builds and builds. I shouldnt be waiting for someone to save me when I need to save myself.
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Postby BrokeSuicide » Sat Dec 15, 2018 8:47 am

It's all about you. You're doing great. Don't worry about it.
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Postby Axuda » Sat Dec 15, 2018 9:12 am

Hi Unknowwn

You ask why it is easier to accept disrespect and abuse instead of fighting back. The simple answer is, it is easier - in the short term at least - because it requires no effort on your part.So if you are feeling whipped, beaten, downtrodden, it's very appealing to just accept it as your lot in life.

But as you are finding, that's just a short-term solution, and ultimately leads to more pain. The thing is, you are at least recognising that this is where you are, so you are already on the road to get back to where you want to be. You are right that you need to care about and love yourself again, but what you need is a strategy to start doing that again.

The quickest way to that point is action. You don't have to believe it, or believe it will work. But resolve that you will give it a try - what have you got to lose? Take the trouble to look your best. Take the trouble to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you look great (even if you don't believe it right now). Stand up for yourself over something incredibly trivial - find something in a shop and ask if they have it in another colour.

If you were incredibly unfit physically, you would start with very gentle exercises and build up. But you would only see any improvement at all by doing it. It's the same with confidence. Don't try to lift 350lbs straight away, or run a marathon. Build up to it - you will get there. You already know where you should be - just start walking in that direction and give yourself time to get there.

Good luck!
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Postby unknowwn » Sat Dec 15, 2018 10:11 pm

Thank you
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