Behavior question

Postby dsmith6995 » Tue Dec 25, 2018 5:24 pm

I recently noticed a habit that my wife displays which annoys me: Namely, she doesn't ask for anything. She will announce that something needs doing to seemingly no one in particular, with me right there in the room. She will say, "The garage door needs to be closed." instead of "Would you please close the garage door?" I know it is a minor thing, but it bothers me because it occurs almost all the time. I get the subtle notion that she doesn't feel comfortable being beholden to someone, so she refers to the action with a mild command. When I asked her if she could just request such things, she got pretty upset with me, declaring that I was raising some impossible standard for "perfect speech."
I just find it to be odd, and maybe it is just me.
Is this a behavioral issue from either or both of us?
Thanks.
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#1

Postby chaidragonfire » Sun Jan 13, 2019 5:56 pm

I'm not a mental health professional of any kind, but I have been studying the psychology of people and society for as long as I can remember. That being said.......

Is this a recent issue that has occurred, or is this something she's always done and it's now just bothering you?

From my observations of people throughout my life, anyone who "demands" something in a statement is doing so because:

-they may fear confrontation
-have a need to "lord" over someone or hold power over them in a "royal" fashion
-have had an issue arise where they find it necessary to demand all the time, rather than ask

or anything similar.

If she gets angry when you speak about this issue, then there is definitely some underlying problem. And sometimes this can lead to more severe traits, habits, or even verbal assaults.

You might want to get the advice of a mental health professional on this, as it can become a serious relationship oriented issue.
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#2

Postby jan^^ » Thu Jan 17, 2019 1:25 am

chaidragonfire wrote:I'm not a mental health professional of any kind, but I have been studying the psychology of people and society for as long as I can remember. That being said.......

Is this a recent issue that has occurred, or is this something she's always done and it's now just bothering you?

From my observations of people throughout my life, anyone who "demands" something in a statement is doing so because:

-they may fear confrontation
-have a need to "lord" over someone or hold power over them in a "royal" fashion
-have had an issue arise where they find it necessary to demand all the time, rather than ask

or anything similar.

If she gets angry when you speak about this issue, then there is definitely some underlying problem. And sometimes this can lead to more severe traits, habits, or even verbal assaults.

You might want to get the advice of a mental health professional on this, as it can become a serious relationship oriented issue.

She's not demanding. Or even asking. She's just pointing out things that need to be done, instead of asking the OP if he will do them. Which gets his goat.
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#3

Postby jan^^ » Thu Jan 17, 2019 1:32 am

dsmith6995 wrote:I recently noticed a habit that my wife displays which annoys me: Namely, she doesn't ask for anything. She will announce that something needs doing to seemingly no one in particular, with me right there in the room. She will say, "The garage door needs to be closed." instead of "Would you please close the garage door?" I know it is a minor thing, but it bothers me because it occurs almost all the time. I get the subtle notion that she doesn't feel comfortable being beholden to someone, so she refers to the action with a mild command. When I asked her if she could just request such things, she got pretty upset with me, declaring that I was raising some impossible standard for "perfect speech."
I just find it to be odd, and maybe it is just me.
Is this a behavioral issue from either or both of us?
Thanks.

So what's the problem?.... how does her speech make you feel? How does it rub you up the wrong way exactly?
When she says "blah blah 'perfect speech'," then you say "yeh, but when you do that it makes me feel like........" fill in the blanks
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