Hello everyone,
I somehow feel a little bit stupid writing this, but lately I've been feeling really strange. I actually have a really happy life and I feel like I also am happy: I have a good family, a great boyfriend, (not that many but) good friends, I study at university and make good grades. Even if I know all that, I often have moments where I don't see any sense in my life. It's not that I would do anything to myself but then I often wish that I had some illness or something and would die soon. I first thought that those were some kind of minor depressive episodes, but then I realised that I most often get them in times of stress (exam phase and so on). However I really don't understand why I get so stressed out; I never failed an exam at university and even if I do things last minute I somehow always end up passing or finishing on time. I don't know how I can get so overwhelmed with stress that I feel like I don't want to live anymore. I feel ashamed since I know the stress is my own fault because I did not organise myself well enough (my studies are not that hard, with a little self control very easy to manage). I feel that somehow I did not build up any resilience or good self control throughout my life. Since somehow I was always lucky up to now, it did not affect my life much but I am afraid that one day I will stop being lucky. Does anyone have experiences with building up self control or resilience? Or do you think that maybe I could have other problems that I'm not aware of?