no resilience. help!

Postby naliya_09 » Mon Dec 31, 2018 7:05 pm

Hello everyone,

I somehow feel a little bit stupid writing this, but lately I've been feeling really strange. I actually have a really happy life and I feel like I also am happy: I have a good family, a great boyfriend, (not that many but) good friends, I study at university and make good grades. Even if I know all that, I often have moments where I don't see any sense in my life. It's not that I would do anything to myself but then I often wish that I had some illness or something and would die soon. I first thought that those were some kind of minor depressive episodes, but then I realised that I most often get them in times of stress (exam phase and so on). However I really don't understand why I get so stressed out; I never failed an exam at university and even if I do things last minute I somehow always end up passing or finishing on time. I don't know how I can get so overwhelmed with stress that I feel like I don't want to live anymore. I feel ashamed since I know the stress is my own fault because I did not organise myself well enough (my studies are not that hard, with a little self control very easy to manage). I feel that somehow I did not build up any resilience or good self control throughout my life. Since somehow I was always lucky up to now, it did not affect my life much but I am afraid that one day I will stop being lucky. Does anyone have experiences with building up self control or resilience? Or do you think that maybe I could have other problems that I'm not aware of?
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Postby academic » Mon Jan 07, 2019 4:05 am

Hi naliya_09,

I am a doofus who has failed in incredible ways. Having said that, I kept on trying, and so eventually studied alongside some of 'the elite' who had (like you) consistently avoided failing. I felt like a complete fraud and imposter, but there were valuable observations made.

I observed that some very successful students are plagued by the fear that they have a winning streak that might end, and their fear grows as a result of continuing to win. Many of them become stressed each time they encounter an opportunity to experience failure, such as a routine exam.

On one hand, it is their fear that drives them to fight and score highest in prescribed exams. On the other hand, that same fear prevents them taking risks and causes them to pass up great opportunities!

I tentatively suggest you look around your university for opportunities to risk failure in safe environments outside your courses, such as taking part in an NGO funding competition.
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Postby Livetowin » Mon Jan 07, 2019 12:48 pm

Naliya I tend to believe you're quite young and haven't experienced any heavy lifting when it comes to decision making yet. No worries. Life has a 100% success rate at kicking your backside at some point along the way. So before you feel like you're just living an entitled and free-from-conflict existence, maybe now is a good time to reflect and appreciate what does make you happy and what should matter to you. Its good to know where you're resources reside when the clouds begin to gather. I wish you well.
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Postby lol4er » Sun Jan 27, 2019 6:33 pm

Looks like over responsibility problem.. Did your parents oblige you to get only excellent grades?
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