Weed is taking my choice

Postby Johnyg7 » Thu Jan 03, 2019 6:57 am

Good day folks would like to share my storie concerning WEED smoking, it all started in my teen's as in most of our cases am 40 years of age now started say @ 17 but never as a everyday smoker, taking long breaks in between the resone I never took it on as a full time hobby was because it is illegal in our Country South Africa until it became legal in 1/8/2018 and also I stopped drinking Alcohol almost a year clean and could never really enjoy myself untill weed seem like a nice way to relax recreationally I'm now 5months smoking everyday and in that 5month's I made some not so good choices, I'm married for 11 years wife two kids and bond would not want too disappoint them I have not really had any resone to worry about it yet, but I have a sense its going down hill from here. Since my wife don't approve of it, and I understand the Concern now
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#1

Postby Candid » Thu Jan 03, 2019 8:24 am

I'm glad you used the word "choice" in your title, Johnyg7. It may appear to you that weed is taking your choice, but the fact is that every time you roll up, it's a separate decision: do I want to do this or not? If your wife's influence is compelling, you may decide next time to put the weed away, and keep making that choice as many times as you can.

A very high proportion of addictive behaviour has its roots in early childhood wounding, ie. unconscious drives set in place for reasons you've forgotten. For example, the infant's psychic survival may have depended on subtle defiance of one or both parents. If that's the case for you, your wife looks like your original jailer/caregiver. She doesn't want you to smoke, therefore you feel compelled to do it even though (or in a sense because) you know it's a bad thing.

In that case it would be helpful to you if your wife's disapproval was gentler and more compassionate. She could tell you: "I don't want you to do this, but if you have to you have to."

The variant, what you can tell yourself when she's not around, is: "I can smoke any time I like, but I don't want to now."

Don't see yourself as a smoker, but as someone who smokes. Most of the time you're not actually puffing, so don't make it part of your identity. As long as you know you're in charge -- which of course you are -- you can enjoy an occasional puff. It doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing one-time decision.
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#2

Postby Johnyg7 » Thu Jan 03, 2019 9:28 am

So you say my wife should chill out
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#3

Postby Candid » Thu Jan 03, 2019 9:33 am

You'd need to enlist her co-operation and goodwill. Telling her she "should" be a certain way is probably guaranteed to raise her hackles.

Perhaps if you simply demonstrate that you're in control of your smoking, she'll feel more secure.
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#4

Postby Johnyg7 » Thu Jan 03, 2019 11:12 am

I get that thank you
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#5

Postby tokeless » Fri Jan 04, 2019 9:33 am

Hi,
Candid makes a good point about choice because we all choose to smoke as with most things in our lives, unless we are being forced or cohersed. Smoking doesn't fit with the latter but we are good at creating beliefs around it, such as I need it, it helps me, it helps manage stress. None of those things are true but can feel that way. I would suggest talking to your wife, explaining that you too are seeing some issues for concern but you need support rather than feeling you're doing something bad when you do smoke. Then, you need to identify your trigger times and make changes, such as go out with your family, do other things that distract you at those times. There are no magic wands just good choices. You can change if you truly want to. I smoked pretty much everyday for over 30 years but that's my journey so doesn't mean anything other than to me that change is possible.
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