I'm really tired

Postby Guess what? » Thu Jan 03, 2019 7:08 pm

Hi guys.
2019 didn't start well.

If you remember me, i used to struggle with women. I developed depression due this, they refused me many times and so i realized that my value for them, is really low. I took antidepressants, but they seemed not so good (brintellix 10 mg)

I contacted a girl on instagram. Things started well, we went out, i like her and it seems she liked me too. we talked everyday with chat.
Then she had a lot of work to do, so we had dates once per week, but it was ok. Until she seemed very far from me.
We never had sex, but the conditions was never good. So the 22th dec i was decided. We would have go out for a dinner, i would have give her xmas gift, we would have sex.
The same she deleted all 'cause she was sick (that wasn't the first time -_- ) i was really annoyed, but ok, i stayed calm.
on xmas i asked again for a date, she declined 'cause she had stuff to do, but then she went to the cinema.
on 26th she invited me to her home, in order to meet her friends. She gave my xmas gift and i gave her too. in the end only one girl remained, and when she was saying that she'd have leave, "my" girl blocked her.
the 29th i asked again her for a date, but still nothing.
the 31th i asked if we would have meet for a while, in order to stay a little together for the new year. She declined again, i was really annoying, anyone could understand, but i just say that it was ok. And that is the last time I heard her. By her instagram stories i saw she was with her friend from the last time and a co-worker (and she said to me), but then looks like another guy was there, one i didn't know. But i don't wanna be paranoid (but yes, i think there's something).
It just passed 2 days, but we used to chat everyday, and she isn't watching my instagram stories anymore, I gave her a like the next day and stop.

It's over. I'm destroyed, my depression took me over, I cried. I never cried for this, but things are too big now.
I'm dedicating myself to walkings, to cooking, i'm writing fan ficiton, I followed every hints, but there's no cure for the lack of love.
I'm tired of this, i'm tired to read other girls saying that it's my fault cause i'm passive aggressive, 'cause i'm a jerk, an attention whore,or some $#%^ like this. it's my fault cause i spent money and energy on her and in return i have nothing. that she was in the right to close this (yeah ok, the damage is mine anyway), etc.
They are just wrong, they will never understand what a man feel.
I tried my best with this one, and the best brought to this.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Jan 03, 2019 8:55 pm

Guess what? wrote:Hi guys.
2019 didn't start well.

If you remember me, i used to struggle with women.

I'm tired of this, i'm tired to read other girls saying that it's my fault cause i'm passive aggressive, 'cause i'm a jerk, an attention whore,or some $#%^ like this.

They are just wrong...I tried my best with this one.


Start 2019 out better. Don’t focus on who is right or who is wrong. Focus on the FACT, that the relationship didn’t work out.

Why do you continue to struggle with women?

Girls have given you a few potential causes. You say those causes are all wrong. Okay, fair enough. Assume they are all wrong. Then what alternate explanation do you have?

If you blame women, then you will always be single as you continue to repeat the same behaviors that drive women away. What are the behaviors that drive women away from you?
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#2

Postby Guess what? » Thu Jan 03, 2019 9:35 pm

I just don't agree with those who were accusing me.
I was kind and gentle with that one, and the result is a butt kicking. Women just say what they wanna you believe.
The girl didn't look very interested in me (anyway we went out some times), they said, ok. But i didn't believe at first, cause she once said that she likes me and she was fine with me.

And now everything is vanished in the thin air. I'm so tired, the ending is always the same, though I changed my doing way many times. Yeah I shouldn't cry and all, but it is so frustrating. Putting all yourself in something and watching it being destroyed over and over and over, just 'cause they wanna do.
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Jan 03, 2019 9:40 pm

Guess what? wrote: Putting all yourself in something and watching it being destroyed over and over and over, just 'cause they wanna do.


Yes. It is very frustrating to put in effort and repeatedly fail. To fail, fail, and fail really does drain energy. I understand that.

So you give up? You have decided never to pursue a relationship again? If so, you will need to find some other goal in life worth investing your time and energy. Look into a spiritual path in life where you help others without the need for a woman in your life. The prime example is the monk.

Or do you still wish to have a relationship? If so, you better take some time to seriously reflect. Take some time to be very honest with yourself. What are you doing wrong? You didn’t answer that question.

What are you doing wrong?
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#4

Postby Guess what? » Thu Jan 03, 2019 11:09 pm

What am I doing wrong?

Nothing. The world is just unfair. If I looked better sure this problem would have cutted off.
What did I do wrong with her? I was just doing my stuff, talking with her, cooking, being present for her, etc. Then she started to be tired of me, and that's it.
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#5

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Jan 03, 2019 11:33 pm

Guess what? wrote:What am I doing wrong? Nothing. The world is just unfair.


If this is what you believe then you are out of options. Enjoy repeating your same behaviors and thinking you are just unlucky. See how that works out for you in life.

Every farmer reaps what he sows. He tills, plants, tends, and harvests. It is true that there might be drought, that the world might be “unfair”, that the farmer may have done everything possible. The farmer may have done nothing wrong. Still, what option does the farmer have? The farmer tries again.

At some point, if year after year the farmer is unable to harvest any crops, something is wrong. It is not the world being unfair. The farmer lacks knowledge, the farmer lacks the ability required to be a successful farmer. The farmer can deny it all he likes. The farmer can shake his fist at the world and say that for XX years they have planted, did no wrong, yet harvested no crops. The farmer can believe this to be true if he likes, but all he need do is look around at all the other successful farmers to determine he is being dishonest with himself.

You are being dishonest with yourself.
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#6

Postby Guess what? » Thu Jan 03, 2019 11:53 pm

Where did i do wrong, in your opinion?

I don't think i'm unlucky...
I just think that I'm not up to this. I'm not beuty enough to being loved...
I just tried with another girl today, I said she's pretty, she said thanks, and now i introduced myself and she just stopped to answer.
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#7

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Jan 04, 2019 12:07 am

Guess what? wrote:Where did i do wrong, in your opinion?


How could I possibly know? I can’t.

Who does know are the outside observers or the girl herself. They have given you feedback, but you reject it. In ignoring what they have had to say, it leaves you with only the option of self-evaluation.

Go back to our farmer. Other people that have seen him farm give advice, such as you water too much, you water too little, you plant the wrong things, you plant too early. People are more than willing to give advice. But our farmer says, “You’re wrong, you’re wrong, you’re wrong, the world is just unfair.”

Then the farmer, not knowing what is wrong asks a complete stranger that has not watched him farm, “What do you think is wrong.” The man replies, “How the hell should I know?”

My advice, don’t be so quick to dismiss every piece of feedback others that have observed the relationship have given you. If they say you are too needy, that you smother the girl, don’t just dismiss it and say they are wrong. They didn’t randomly decide on that feedback.
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#8

Postby quietvoice » Fri Jan 04, 2019 12:43 am

I'm not [beautiful] enough to [be] loved

This female (me) says that the avatar you post here is not an ugly picture; it may even be quite handsome. This belief that you have is full of baloney. And besides, people who "love" you purely for your looks are not people you want to be with for the long term. Get over it. (This excuse sounds "strangely" familiar.)

~~~~~~~~

People are attracted to those who are happy with their own self. Are you happy with your own self?

Get happy with your own self, in your own skin, not caring how the world around you thinks about you. Then report back on how your world has changed. Reality is the most fairest of all in this regard.
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#9

Postby Guess what? » Fri Jan 04, 2019 1:52 am

Oh gosh, that guy isn't me. xD Just search for Pietro Smusi on google ahahah
also, sorry for my english.

But on the fact i didn't smother the girl. I just pay attention for her. I was careful and when she was telling me that she could not go out due to the job, I always answered that it was ok, that no one was following us.

Even others said that. The girl who said i was doing wrong is the same who thought that I was negativa about it, and that girl was just doing her stuff. Instead, i was right, and she just stopped to be interested in me.
I didn't even annoy her while she was working...
How could i smother her?
It's like if people is saying that the water is too liquid, or something like this.
Here it's like the farmer harv his cropes, and the cropes just walk away the next day...

I mean yes, i was worried to write to her everyday, and i wanna to see her so much. So this is being needy and it scares her? I mean, many times was her the one who wrote first
I think that after 2 months if a person have a little interest for you:
1- can see you at least once per week .-.
2- if they are not, just say it...
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#10

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Jan 04, 2019 2:02 am

Guess what? wrote:I think that after 2 months if a person have a little interest for you:
1- can see you at least once per week .-.
2- if they are not, just say it...


Why #2, why does anyone need to say it?

I think #1, your first observation is correct. If a person has interest they will make time to see you. What then should that tell you?

Based on what you wrote, it seems obvious that you are not listening to yourself. That is what you are doing wrong. You are ignoring the wisdom you already possess. Why?

To me #1 is a very simple rule. A person doesn’t want to make time for me 1 a week = they are not the person for me. Relationship done. They don’t need to say anything. They don’t need to tell me or confirm to me they don’t have enough interest. That is your bad. That is your wrong.
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#11

Postby Guess what? » Fri Jan 04, 2019 2:20 pm

Ok, but you're saying i'm right. She wasn't interested.
And i kept this calm... i should have **** her as fast as possible...
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#12

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Jan 04, 2019 3:59 pm

Guess what? wrote:Ok, but you're saying i'm right. She wasn't interested.


Yes.

Where you are wrong is that even though you knew she wasn’t interested, for some reason you wanted her to #2 “just say it”.

Do you want to go to a movie with me? No...she says.
Do you want to go to a movie with me? No...she says.
Do you want to go to a movie with me? No...she says.
Do you want to go to a movie with me? No...she says.
Do you want to go to a movie with me? No...she says.

Are you not interested in me? *Silence*

Well, she won’t say that she doesn’t have interest in me, so it is not clear enough for me. Why won’t she just say it? The signs are confusing. I’m unable to be 100% certain if she has no interest unless she says the words, “I don’t have interest in you.”

This is the bullc@$#& thought process many people use. They ask, “Is the relationship over?” They want to force the other person to “say it” to tell them “yes, it is over”. Otherwise they refuse to accept that all the behaviors, like ignoring them, cheating on them, not having time for them, etc. etc. are not enough, not sufficient and lacking in clarity.

BULL! The person knows the relationship is over. The “just say it” is crap. But, many people pursue this line of thinking.

You are right. She clearly showed no interest in you. Where you are wrong is that you didn’t trust yourself. You are wrong in that you didn’t accept it, wanting her to “just say it” to confirm the thoughts you did not trust.

You struggle, because your low confidence in yourself places you in a position where you need others to “just say it”. You are wrong in that you do not have the confidence to trust your own opinion, to make up your own mind and move forward without the need for approval or verification from some other person.
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#13

Postby Candid » Fri Jan 04, 2019 5:41 pm

Guess what? wrote:i should have **** her as fast as possible...


This is the energy of your posts. It isn't about "relationship" or "love", it's about you getting your dick wet. Guess what? That's what prostitutes are for.

So the 22th dec i was decided. We would have go out for a dinner, i would have give her xmas gift, we would have sex.


Nice. You were decided. But dinner and a xmas gift are not passports to a woman's body. That's what prostitutes are for.

I just tried with another girl today, I said she's pretty, she said thanks, and now i introduced myself and she just stopped to answer.


I suppose one 'girl' is as good as another if all you want to do is *** them.

"You're pretty."
"Thanks."
"My name's Guess What? Wanna ****?"

If I'm picking up the energy from here you can bet it's much more obnoxious up close.
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#14

Postby Guess what? » Fri Jan 04, 2019 6:40 pm

you missunderstood me. I'm not that kind of guy. Even if girls say that I have to be, cuz if I focus on only one, then I become needy.

I wanted that dinner and give her the xmas gift just cause I like her, and I thought she likes me and I wanted to bring the relationship over.
Not that girls are "princesses". It's too way common find girls that give you sex soon, we're in 2019. Well, if they think you deserve it.

Yeah, there were signs, but once she said that she was out of training about this things and even if it couldn't look like so, she likes me. Then i was the first to say that we could live this with calm, so i just thought she was doing so. But i was wrong.

I was just hobby for her free time, while she was looking for another one around.
I mean, you wanna make me look like a jerk 'cause i drove far away for her, I offered dinners and drinks and gave her gifts for a pu**y (mine were just cuddles cause i like her).
But she just took all of this and probably find another one, deleting me from her life by just ignoring me. She should be a poor innocente creature?

I'm feeling so umiliated, inferior to other guys. I looked for her in the right misure; I just wanted a good relationship story not a chess game
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