I'm really tired

#15

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Jan 04, 2019 7:49 pm

Guess what? wrote:...cuz if I focus on only one, then I become needy.


What does this mean? You focus on more than one girl so you do not become needy? Is that correct or do I misunderstand?
User avatar
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 10016
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 1008


#16

Postby Guess what? » Fri Jan 04, 2019 8:44 pm

so they say, i swear.
Cause i was whining about the fact that i feel like i wasted my time. So they said that since i was not her official boyfriend, i would have to look for others in the meanwhile
So i wasn't so focused on her and I would have not dedicate her so much attention
User avatar
Guess what?
Full Member
 
Posts: 168
Joined: Wed May 23, 2018 8:28 pm
Likes Received: 15

#17

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Jan 04, 2019 9:09 pm

Guess what? wrote: Cause i was whining about the fact that i feel like i wasted my time.


You thought you were wasting your time? Were you whining?

Your English is good, but it is difficult to understand sometimes.

I’m trying to understand what you expected of this woman. It sounds like you expect that if you spend time with a woman and give her gifts, then she owes you something. If she doesn’t give you something then you feel that you have wasted your time. Is this correct?
User avatar
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 10016
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 1008

#18

Postby Guess what? » Fri Jan 04, 2019 9:17 pm

I'm just tired of being rejected, that's all
User avatar
Guess what?
Full Member
 
Posts: 168
Joined: Wed May 23, 2018 8:28 pm
Likes Received: 15

#19

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Jan 04, 2019 10:42 pm

Guess What?...I'm just tired of being rejected, that's all

Candid wrote: If I'm picking up the energy from here you can bet it's much more obnoxious up close.


I think Candid has provided you food for thought. Will you just dismiss this feedback?

Women can smell desperation. When you have expectations that a date and gift then means she owes you something, women pick up on this. If you expect putting time into a relationship means you are then owed something, that is desperation and that is a flawed thought process. That is wrong...that is what you are doing wrong.

And it seems like you have received this feedback multiple times from multiple people, yet you refuse to acknowledge that they may have a point. You dismiss it and instead just cry how the world is unfair.

You will continue to face rejection my friend. I don’t wish that for you, but it doesn’t sound like you are willing to accept that you have not yet acquired the social skills needed to attract a healthy relationship.
User avatar
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 10016
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 1008

#20

Postby Guess what? » Fri Jan 11, 2019 4:23 pm

she deleted me from instagram. I don't understand why... may be possible that she wasn't doing that with bad purpose and then get offended cuz i disappeared?

Well, she could contact me... but i didn't contact her as well
User avatar
Guess what?
Full Member
 
Posts: 168
Joined: Wed May 23, 2018 8:28 pm
Likes Received: 15

#21

Postby Guess what? » Fri Jan 11, 2019 5:03 pm

Also i fear that for her was really nothing, but i miss her.
User avatar
Guess what?
Full Member
 
Posts: 168
Joined: Wed May 23, 2018 8:28 pm
Likes Received: 15

#22

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Jan 11, 2019 5:33 pm

Guess what? wrote:Also i fear that for her was really nothing, but i miss her.


The friendship was “really nothing” to her. I’m not saying the friendship was of no value, but she obviously did not see the friendship the same way you saw the relationship.

Proof the friendship was really nothing is that, (1) she ended the friendship and (2) she deleted you.

What you can feel good about is that she probably learned something from the brief friendship. She probably learned better what she wants or doesn’t want in a friend. You are obviously not what she wants in a friend. You helped her determine this with your behaviors.

NOW...what did you learn?

Hopefully you learned that how you behave is not what women find attractive. It isn’t about physical appearance, but about how you behave, how you communicate. There are plenty of less than attractive guys that win over women with their confidence, with their ability to communicate what they have to offer other than their looks.

Alas, based on your posts it seems like you have learned nothing. You say you did nothing wrong and it is just an unfair world.
User avatar
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 10016
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 1008

#23

Postby Guess what? » Fri Jan 11, 2019 5:39 pm

I felt like she deleted me cause she get offended from the fact i disappeared.
Honestly I have some friends that do like that.
User avatar
Guess what?
Full Member
 
Posts: 168
Joined: Wed May 23, 2018 8:28 pm
Likes Received: 15

#24

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Jan 11, 2019 5:53 pm

Guess what? wrote:I felt like she deleted me cause she get offended from the fact i disappeared.
Honestly I have some friends that do like that.


You need to reevaluate what a “friend” means. Friends don’t delete friends. It doesn’t happen.

I have plenty of close friends that I have been in contact with for decades. You know how many have deleted me? Zero.

There are “friends” that are acquaintances that have deleted me. I’m not sure why and I don’t really care. Maybe they closed their accounts or maybe they were cleaning up their “friends list” and I didn’t make the cut. No big deal, we were acquaintances, somebody I met briefly and never had a real friendship with.

But my real friends? Delete me? It has never happened.

The fact you live in a world were multiple friends are deleting you is a great indication that you might not choose very good friends or maybe your behaviors result in them deleting you, or maybe you don’t understand what it actually means to be a friend. Which is it?

-1- You choose crappy people to be your friends?
-2- Your a @#$& and give them reason to stop being your friend?
-3- You don’t know what friendship means?
User avatar
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 10016
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 1008

#25

Postby Guess what? » Fri Jan 11, 2019 6:35 pm

Why i have to think that i'm a jerk?
I gave her my time, my patience, gifts, dinners, cuddles, etc.
She doesn't care and i'm the problem for what i do?
User avatar
Guess what?
Full Member
 
Posts: 168
Joined: Wed May 23, 2018 8:28 pm
Likes Received: 15

#26

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Jan 11, 2019 6:48 pm

Guess what? wrote:Why i have to think that i'm a jerk?
I gave her my time, my patience, gifts, dinners, cuddles, etc.
She doesn't care and i'm the problem for what i do?


Uh...YES!

Which problem do you have?

-1- You choose crappy people to be your friends?
-2- You’re a @#$& and give them reason to stop being your friend?
-3- You don’t know what friendship means?

Maybe this was a crappy girl. Or maybe what you see as being all sweet and cuddly she sees as obnoxious.

If I had to guess, some women might even see you as borderline stalking.
User avatar
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 10016
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 1008

#27

Postby Guess what? » Fri Jan 11, 2019 6:52 pm

I don't stalk her.
Anyway maybe i can be bonderline, i don't know, i just can say that if she was a little more present there weren't problems.
User avatar
Guess what?
Full Member
 
Posts: 168
Joined: Wed May 23, 2018 8:28 pm
Likes Received: 15

#28

Postby whybotherwhynot » Sat Jan 12, 2019 12:58 pm

Honestly, I don't understand why somebody cares so much about "love" from someone else (opposite sex or the same, whatever).

If you cannot find someone to love you, love yourself.

If you cannot find someone to share your interests like cooking together, going to movies, attending some activities... do it yourself. You may say it's no fun. Yeah, right. It's better than to be with someone who always find things to argue with you at the meal times or everywhere you go or do any activities you do together.

If you cannot find someone to have sex with, do it yourself or buy an inflated doll, or if you have lots of money, buy a robot. LOL
...

Yeah, sometimes it's nice to have someone to share your life together; but sometimes it's not. There are always pros and cons.

I would rather to have freedom to do whatever I like than to be with someone who is controlling, manipulating, treating me like a slave or nobody.

After all, what's so good about to be with someone who is self-centered, does not give a sh*t about you, pretending to be nice with you when s/he needs you, and be cold towards you when s/he does not need you. And what is sex? Sex is just about a P into a V. Nowadays, everybody can DIY. Who cares?

If you care so much about or for others, and others don't care about you, and you feel sad, depressed, that's no good. Why don't you care for yourself, pay attentions to yourself, take good care of yourself?

The world has lots more important things than just male/female, or sames sex, relationships ... whatever, and having sex.
whybotherwhynot
Full Member
 
Posts: 102
Joined: Sat Nov 09, 2013 4:53 am
Likes Received: 9

#29

Postby Livetowin » Sun Jan 13, 2019 4:48 pm

Hi “Guess What”. There’s a plethora of issues that you’re putting allot of weight to, that are not serving you well here. First, I never got any impression as to who this person actually was. I read allot of expectation on your part from very little in the setup. And I wouldn’t exactly call Instagram an ideal place to profile a stranger.

Talking to someone all the time is not really a measure of investment as it pertains to a lasting or meaningful connection. There are all kinds of people who love to talk, some for attention purposes, others for entertainment. I would never use any of that as a measuring stick for bonding, because you’re building a load of assumption off of WHY she is talking to you and inviting your insecurities along for the ride.

Meeting up once a week is just that…Meeting up once a week. Nothing in your description would have led me to think this was anything other than casual at the very best. Clearly she was just poking into your life to see if this was something she wanted to examine. Whether it was for fun or just out of curiosity is really a moot point. You’re reaction felt like someone rolling all their marbles on something very pedestrian.

If I were the person on the receiving end of that, I would remove myself fairly quick too. You seem to be lost in this equation of …”I want something – I play nice - I should get it.” Nothing in your reasoning remotely examines the individual you’re looking at or even the merits of your own agenda which are based on entitlement.

People with a fairly strong sense of themselves do not fall into these arrangements, because common sense should tell you lurking on social sites like this does not gather an ensemble that gives you the best options for lasting communion. You need to first decide who you are and take ‘process’ out of meeting people. You are WAAAAAY too calculating in what you do and there’s no doubt that comes across. If you want to meet someone honestly, then start looking at yourself honestly.

When you reach that moment, you’ll realize that all of these superficial things which you place so much merit on, actually mean nothing. You’re crying over someone you don’t even know, which means you went looking for meaning where there wasn’t any. THAT is what is wearing you out. You don’t miss her. You miss the idea of her you created for yourself.

You set yourself up to fail because you defined and placed merit on everything she did as some kind of reward system she was giving to you. You need to quit over-thinking basic actions which you inflate into emotional highs inside yourself. See things as they are, instead of how you want them to be.
Livetowin
Preferred Member
 
Posts: 992
Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2010 2:18 pm
Likes Received: 84


PreviousNext

  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Depression