1 year weed free!

Postby thegreatdane » Sun Jan 13, 2019 7:45 pm

Hey everybody. Today marks me being 12 months clean from weed. I am really proud of myself, i no longer have any cravings to ever smoke again, and i just see one way and that is towards a life of self improvement and dicipline. When i started this journey i wondered what i would feel like at 12 months. Unfortunally my healing proccess has been extremely slow and painful. I dont want this post to be too long but i can try and list my PAWS symptoms and a small timeline of my progress so far. Btw i smoked for 3 years everyday. I was 16-19 years old during this addiction and i know that this is an age where my brain was developing a lot, so that could be why my healing proccess is so slow.

PAWS SYMPTOMS: Anxiety, depression, social anxiety, loss of confidence and (personal vibe), loss of personality, emotionless, health problems, loss of appetite, fatigue.

Timeline:
Month 1-3: Was horrible for the most part but i did have a week of feeling symptom free and feeling the benefits of quitting.
Month 3-10: I dont even remember a lot of this period of my life. It was just survival for me, i had no good days and i felt like sh** almost everyday.
Month 10-12: I still feel bad most of the time, but i have started to get "better days" more often. On these "better days" i feel emotions again and i feel like my confidence is starting to come back. Hopefully this is a sign that my brain is actually healing and i just pray to god that i will get more of these days and these "better days" will transform into "good days" <3


So to sum it up. Im not where i want to be at all, but i see a very small improvement. Hopefully month 12-24 will be full of improvements! I cant wait to see what is in store for me and im glad to have the first year over and done with. Because if i knew that i would have to go through this again, i would honestly rather commit suicide. Thats how miserable this year has been for me. Thank you to everyone on this forum for giving me hope! Without these success stories i would have thought something was seriously wrong with me. Im still young(21 years old) so im just happy to know that there is a life out there for me. A life full of joy and love.
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#1

Postby Cthompson21 » Sun Jan 13, 2019 9:13 pm

Congratulations Dane. I remember the first time I went through it I got to one year and I was sitting in my car after getting to work. I realized it was about to be a year of struggling and had this sense of awe that I had made it that far. It was a bigger feeling than I had at my two year. It's like climbing to the top of a mountain! Things didn't get much easier for me until a year and a half and then they really started improving (just wish I hadn't smoked and reset myself). I can almost guarantee this year will be easier. You are amazing and strong for putting up with what you're going through. I am rooting for you! Keep up the great work, keep updating!!! :)
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#2

Postby thegreatdane » Sun Jan 13, 2019 10:52 pm

Thank you CJ! Im glad to hear that you got better at 1.5 years, that gives me hope that someday i can actually be happy again with my life. Ill happily suffer for 6 more months to see some real improvement. Oh, and sorry to hear about the relapse. That must suck, but hey you are back on track now right?
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#3

Postby Cthompson21 » Mon Jan 14, 2019 3:48 am

Yes I am and plan to stay that way... and yes you will get better, my first PAWS was so severe (I think maybe worse than this time around, since I only smoked a little bit) 1.5 mark i didn't feel quite completely better, but I started living my life and my symptoms were less and less distracting. Bad days came and went less frequently and by 2 to 2.5 years, life was practically normal minus a few small but basically nonexistent symptoms like minimal anxiety. I'm sure if I had made it to three years I would have been even better! Smoking last July...worst mistake ever. I people on here will learn from my mistake, relapsing is too painful and I wish I could go back and change it but can't, and I think it goes for all drugs not just weed, we must stay sober and we will come out hopefully fine. I also read a quote today "be tough and patient someday this pain will be useful."
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#4

Postby thegreatdane » Mon Jan 14, 2019 11:50 am

There is no way one time of smoking can delete 2.5 years of progress. The brain doesnt work like that.
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#5

Postby Cthompson21 » Mon Jan 14, 2019 12:14 pm

I thought so but I'm still struggling, mainly insomnia and anxiety. doesnt seem as bad as the first time around like I said, your journey reminds me of my first go round and I remember just being miserable forever and one day I felt better. Hopefully this time I'm better by one year or something.
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#6

Postby thegreatdane » Mon Jan 14, 2019 3:01 pm

I hope you are better soon! Did your social anxiety got better the first time around?
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#7

Postby Cthompson21 » Mon Jan 14, 2019 3:33 pm

thank you! It did. It was all so gradual. I think the anxiety was comorbid with the fatigue. It was at about 2 years that I really think i started to feel it not bother me any more. 1.5 years it was more "manageable," but at 2 years onward I was pretty much better. 2.5 years I was practically my old self! It was such a wonderful wonderful feeling. I had also stopped caffeine at one year, caffeine always made the anxiety worse. So you could say it took 1 year after stopping all substances, but two years al together...also how is your sleep? I find that working out a little in the evening makes me tired and i sleep better. Once I started sleeping I recovered faster and I'm trying to do that now.
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#8

Postby thegreatdane » Mon Jan 14, 2019 4:36 pm

That motivates me a lot man. My "old self" is so far away from me i dont even remember what hes like. But i know i will get back to him sometime. Its just hard to accept that it may take another year to feel great again. I feel like time is just passing by and i cant do anything due to PAWS. I have goals and dreams but i dont have any energy or confidence to accomplish them.
I dont have any trouble falling asleep, but i feel like i dont get quality sleep? Like im still tired almost everyday because of PAWS. But no i dont have any trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. But yeah i never feel refreashed so my sleep is probably f***ed in some way lol.
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#9

Postby Cthompson21 » Tue Jan 15, 2019 12:03 am

That sucks, but at least you're sleeping. I don't sleep well usually and when I do it's the same as you, feeling tired all day. Like I said exercise a little in the evenings and it might help. And youre not alone in your feelings. I feel the same way a lot of days...it's miserable. I hate it so much. I feel like life is passing me by and it feels depressing to see other people living theirs. I keep trying to distract myself with my hobbies but when I have to socialize I still struggle to seem cheerful and relaxed. But the brain in an amazing organ and will heal itself if we are patient. I've read lots of stories from PAWS from weed alcohol and opioids and the one thing they all have in common is they take lots of time to go away. It may take another year, but I think that since you made it through the awful beginning you will be better and better off!
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#10

Postby leavepawsbehind » Tue Jan 15, 2019 12:05 am

I am 3 days away from one year sober. I feel the same way about having goals and dreams but not having the energy for them. I feel like my life is on hold while I get better. Part of me fears posts out there that I've read saying that I may not fully recover, or that there are permanent changes and not all of the symptoms will go away.

Sleep wise, I've had trouble sleeping since I quit but not within the past month. I'm able to get a full night of sleep now, but I still feel tired all of the time. My eyes feel sunken and heavy and I am low on energy early in the day. I have a sleep tracking app and smart watch and I supposedly get great sleep. I still feel better than the times I've had awful insomnia and am able to barely function, but this still sucks.

My worst symptoms right now at 1 year are the random aches and muscle pains, the tinnitus, visual disturbances and nervous feelings in my feet and legs. The tinnitus is lower than ever, but I am still tired of it. I was hoping I'd be past some of this by now, but nope. Oh well, time to go distract myself some more. At least I can sleep now.
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#11

Postby thegreatdane » Sat Jan 19, 2019 12:00 am

Hang in there man. I have just been hit by yet another paws wave. And for the past week i have been so depressed its insane. Like depressed to the point where its real depression. Its hard even getting up in the morning and getting dressed, i just watch netflix all day. It sucks because i was living a good lifestyle, but this wave has just f***ed me up. I really hope its darkest before the dawn.. Lets see. But bro, you are not alone. I fear from time to time that this will last forever. But im very much into spirituallity and that things happen for a reason, so that kind of keeps me going. If this wasnt a learning experience and we would have to stay this for the rest of our life, then life wouldnt make any sense to me.
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#12

Postby Astro413 » Sat Jan 19, 2019 2:55 am

Hey Dane, thanks for your post. I admit that I have not kept up with your story but from your last post it is very similar to mine from the time and age. I am just at 7 months now and while I’m definitely not out of the woods yet things have gotten a lot calmer on my end I must admit. All I can say is keep at it, god is on our side and if you need something to ease your mind there are plenty of success stories on this board I like reading from time to time I.e. 2yearsquit, robbi3g, cleanofgreen, and helenadoc. Indeed from what I’ve read it is the darkest before dawn but all we can do is keep doing what we have been and one day we won’t even notice it but we will be in the clear. I got one like many others can’t wait to just put this part of my life behind me, but sometimes the darkness of paws blinds our vision. It’s only a matter of time my friend, stay strong and I’ll be looking forward to reading your success story as well.
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#13

Postby thegreatdane » Sat Jan 19, 2019 6:25 pm

Im glad to hear things have gotten a little bit better Astro! I hope and pray everyday that this will all soon be better. Talk to you soon brother
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#14

Postby leavepawsbehind » Sat Jan 19, 2019 7:43 pm

Yesterday was my one year anniversary. I still have difficulty getting out of bed in the morning. My tinnitus has actually been gone for a couple of hours every day this week and seems to be going away. I started noticing the visual snow more even though that's fading as well. I've been a little less anxious but seem more depressed and just generally tired, no matter how much sleep or exercise I get. Lots of people say they start improving after 1 year sober so let's hope that happens for us :)
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