Hello 6 months

Postby Cthompson21 » Tue Jan 15, 2019 7:20 pm

This might be the last update I make for a little while because 1) my symptoms seem to be leveling out and 2) I am on this site too much, obsessing!!! To rehash my story I abused strattera (an SNRI) with caffeine and nicotine and it gave me PAWS which is how I originally found this site, for 2 years: from feb 2016 to around 2018 I suffered and by the spring I was basically better. Last summer I tried weed, two hits of some strong stuff and it gave me the worst anxiety I ever had, this lasted for about two months and it slowly got better, panic attacks went away in a couple months and anxiety is still here unfortunately. I had bad DP/DR and that has gotten WAY better, the difference between summer and now is incredible. Still have it have it but just less intensely.

I don't know how smoking once has caused all this mess but it has.

I have a job interview tomorrow to hopefully change my work situation, I work as a teller in a bank and an organist for churches on weekends which pays surprisingly well and I think I will just do that for now. The interview is for another church service so I will have three altogether and hopefully I am doing the right thing, but being a teller an so having to interact with people wears me down. I'm irritable and depressed and it feels humiliating day in and day out. My church jobs were hard at first but they seem to be more doable now. I can't wait until I get over all this mess and can work like a normal person again, however I am thankful to be employed.

All in alll I am still suffering. Still having suicidal thoughts most days. One would think PAWS would be easier going through it a second time but it feels tougher, more hopeless than before. I just hope I don't have any long term issues from going through it twice. If anyone out there reading this wants to message me and talk for mutual support feel free. If not stay strong and keep posting it's inspiring to read your posts. Esp Helena and Robbie you guys have really helped me in times of darkness. I was never really addicted to pot, so I can't really relate to that aspect of it, but I am feeling all the insane withdrawal symptoms of marijuana paws. I just hope to be better within the year! Peace and love to all.
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#1

Postby thegreatdane » Wed Jan 16, 2019 12:27 am

The fact that you went through a 2 year paws period and got better, and now are battling paws again and have gotten a bit better is incredible. You are a warrior, and i know it may seem like the universe is against you for giving you these experiences, but in reality it will make us stronger when we get out of it. Try and turn negative into positive, suffering makes us human diciplined and we will never take life for granted again when our brain balance is back on track. Hats of to you. Keep updating and ill do the same" We will get better soon. Take care bro
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#2

Postby Cthompson21 » Wed Jan 16, 2019 1:10 am

Thank you Dane! You inspire me. You're right, I am a warrior, I couldn't imagine making it to 6months when I was months 2-3, yet here I am, symptoms are rough but better indeed. Next milestone is one year, I'll update in a few months when I see some further improvement.
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#3

Postby dhae2604 » Wed Jan 16, 2019 2:54 am

Hey pm me. Very similar story. I
Wanna talk.
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#4

Postby BullFrog » Thu Jan 17, 2019 5:27 pm

Cthompson, it sucks to have to go through all of this but FINALLY you are experiencing some "leveling out" as you say. That gives hope and proves recovery just needs time.

@dhae2604, would love to hear about your story as well! Please feel free to post what happened to you so we can all contribute any way that we can.
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#5

Postby ashthewarrior7 » Thu Jan 17, 2019 6:45 pm

Welcome back bullfrog, how have you been?
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#6

Postby BullFrog » Sat Jan 19, 2019 3:37 am

Hey Ash! Thanks for the shout out. I've been doing pretty well actually. Nothing too serious or overwhelming. I am now at month 11. (12 months is February 1st). My sleep has finally begun to improve these past few days and, as such, I have been noticing a lot less "buzzy/dizzy" sensations in my head. So I am just thankful! I imagine another wave will come upon me soon, but that is okay. It's good to be alive, and love on my family and be loved by them.

How are you my friend? :)
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#7

Postby ashthewarrior7 » Sat Jan 19, 2019 7:31 am

Ah my battle goes on, but you know, can't complain, I've been better but also been worse. But I'm glad you're better! I'm thankful about it too!
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