This might be the last update I make for a little while because 1) my symptoms seem to be leveling out and 2) I am on this site too much, obsessing!!! To rehash my story I abused strattera (an SNRI) with caffeine and nicotine and it gave me PAWS which is how I originally found this site, for 2 years: from feb 2016 to around 2018 I suffered and by the spring I was basically better. Last summer I tried weed, two hits of some strong stuff and it gave me the worst anxiety I ever had, this lasted for about two months and it slowly got better, panic attacks went away in a couple months and anxiety is still here unfortunately. I had bad DP/DR and that has gotten WAY better, the difference between summer and now is incredible. Still have it have it but just less intensely.
I don't know how smoking once has caused all this mess but it has.
I have a job interview tomorrow to hopefully change my work situation, I work as a teller in a bank and an organist for churches on weekends which pays surprisingly well and I think I will just do that for now. The interview is for another church service so I will have three altogether and hopefully I am doing the right thing, but being a teller an so having to interact with people wears me down. I'm irritable and depressed and it feels humiliating day in and day out. My church jobs were hard at first but they seem to be more doable now. I can't wait until I get over all this mess and can work like a normal person again, however I am thankful to be employed.
All in alll I am still suffering. Still having suicidal thoughts most days. One would think PAWS would be easier going through it a second time but it feels tougher, more hopeless than before. I just hope I don't have any long term issues from going through it twice. If anyone out there reading this wants to message me and talk for mutual support feel free. If not stay strong and keep posting it's inspiring to read your posts. Esp Helena and Robbie you guys have really helped me in times of darkness. I was never really addicted to pot, so I can't really relate to that aspect of it, but I am feeling all the insane withdrawal symptoms of marijuana paws. I just hope to be better within the year! Peace and love to all.