Some thoughts about my moment situation.

Postby Masyn » Sun Jan 20, 2019 11:08 pm

Hey there,

I just had some realizations about myself That made me deeply sad. I had problems connecting to people all my life. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I'm Now at some weird self doubt point I really don't want to be. I lost my self worth and through that the respect and interest of others as well as a girl I love.

I can't belive I'm at such a point feeling so weak and can't keep up a steady positive attitude. Bad things aside I'm intelligent, loving, caring, compassionate, have a great humor also the humor thing got lost for a while and have a great personality when I open up. It's really interesting to be at this point as well.. I mean I think it started to get to this point because I didn't want to outshine others. Or I thought when I noticed my greatness that it's not good to be that way and rather be humble and stay small. Or I didn't want to take someone the girl away. Wtf it's self doubt disguised as wanting to help others or being 'good'. It's a self sabotaging mindset and destined to fail and achieving annihilation of dignity and worthyness. After that it just snowballed.

I feel like all other people are on a different wave length.

And to view my situation from a point of that it's just temporary : holy sh** is it f***ing scary down here guys. This is not a place I would wish my worst enemy. This path leads to loss of openeness, vulnerability, humor, assertiveness, happy Ness, relaxed mindset, your not standing up for urself and most important of all: it leads to a loss Of friends because a guy without selfworth is seen as worthless. It's like a self fulfilling prophecy. You can have worth or not. The power of us lies in not getting comfortable at this place. Not settling at this place as a destination. But rather as a short stop to learn stuff bout life and that it can be really painful to. Not have many or any meaningful and really deep connections to other humans.

This path got me the worst feeling and self talk, war in my head you name it - I had in my whole life. It's really scary how much power thoughts have and at the same time it is importing to learn that. Choosing the words you use in your head wisely and carefully is so important I can't emphasis enough on it. Every little filling word or extra word in a sentence will bring a slightly different meaning and effect. It's simply magic taking place and unfolding right in front of us. Doubting myself was the worst decision of my life. But I made it. Conciously or not. With good intentions or not. I MADE THE DECISION.

And the best thing : we are made to shine. We are made to be happy, relaxed, secure. It can snowball into greatness if we let it.

I think I won't be on the level of self esteem And selfworth I know intuitively iam capable of in the next month. But I know I will get there at some stage of my life.

If you made it so far. Thank you for reading. This was the first time I actually wrote down what's on my Mind on a bigger scheme in this life than I would usually do.
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Jan 21, 2019 4:34 am

So what are you going to DO about it? By do, I mean what actions are you going to take? You cannot think your way to higher levels of self worth. What drives our self worth are the things we choose to accomplish, no matter how small.
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Postby Masyn » Mon Jan 21, 2019 9:15 am

Hey Richard, thank you for the quick reply!

honestly I didnt really know what to do for a long time.
In the past couple of days i noticed and did some stuff that really got me a little further into the right direction.
What helped me is.

- Meditation
- Being more aware of my thoughts so i can identify obsolete and toxic thought patterns
- Being more social and trying to open up to people by doing that / being brutally honest
- Therapy
- Standing up for myself ( this is an important one ) / Facing difficult talks instead of trying to pretend that its all good
- Taking Responsibility at work for a variety of stuff
- Taking and accepting responsibility for my paperwork / Household and my body / mind
- Connecting more to my Family ( I cut off the contact to my father more and more since he is lying sick in bed with Multiple sklerosis )
- Being more kind / forgiving / accepting towards myself
- Connecting to myself ( Tuning in to my feelings that i have / Feeling the bad feelings instead of avoiding them )
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Postby supernatural99 » Tue Jan 22, 2019 2:10 pm

Hey Masyn.

Honestly what you said feels exactly like me.

I felt so weak and couldn't keep up a steady positive attitude. I was self sabotaging myself constantly. The ever so classic "Oh, I can't do that." or "I just suck."

It's all terrible stuff to tell yourself. And like you said, about the self fulfilling prophecy. We make the decision to have this certain negative mindset and that in itself is a bad way to start. So we end up becoming what we are thinking with all our negative thoughts and that constant nagging inner monologue in our head.

I recently have started to feel a bit better by reading blogs, self-help books and just working on myself. Since I feel like we have the same mindset, then maybe you can check them out too?

The subtle art of not giving and F gave me a real wake up call and I highly recommend that. It's also hilarious.
For blogs, I like theartofmanliess which has a lot of info and podcasts about self-esteem, confidence, and the sorts. Probably my favorite is a new one I found that a 20-something-year old writes who seems very relate able and is pretty funny. It's called conqueryourconfidence and the guy writes about confidence, insecurities, and general self-esteem. I think he might have an instagram too, not sure.

I like it because he feels like a regular guy who has gone through the same struggles as me and I like how he adds research and some humor to his stories and tips. I'd check it out!

Anyways, thanks for the post. It was nice seeing someone who was going through the same things I was. It's nice to know I am not alone, and neither are you!

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