Around the age of 6 or 7 my parents separated. My biological Dad suffered from severe depression, couldn't function and therefore couldn't provide for the family. About two years latter, my mother remarried. So I had a stepfather in my life but we lacked any connection and I never really considered him as a positive role model. I feel like I was never ever able to express my emotions and have them acknowledged with my stepdad.
Fast forward today I am 31 and I still find myself struggling with my masculinity, self-love, self-hate, identity, forming and maintaining relationships, trusting others, I still feel a void in my life. I also have doubt if I could ever have kids and be a role model, since I never had one. I have tried reaching out to my dad over the years but have not received any interest to communicate and it hurts. So really the last time I saw him was when I was 8 years old. The last I heard was that he was still suffering from severe depression and was in jail for assault, theft, etc.
I have spoken to therapists over the years about it and get some relief. But I'm really looking to connect with other people that have experienced the same thing. Also if there are any books or blogs on this topic that would be helpful. I haven't found many resources for people that are older that are still struggling with never meeting their biological dad and the struggles that follow.
Thanks