What is happening to me?

#15

Postby LondonScouse » Thu Feb 14, 2019 6:43 pm

Hi there

Indeed there have been about 4-5 occasions where I took a toke of a friend's joint. I'm not trying to defend it but it was always between 1-3 tokes. Anyways for the first 6 months of my quit I was completely clean. Brain healing is a process, I doubt a few tokes would have set me back a long time, hopefully they didn't.
That being said, I probably feel slightly better than I did like 12 months ago.
For instance, I derive pleasure for activities such as social interaction, gaming, gym sometimes.
I also have a higher motivation threshold (work 50+ hours a week, go to gym consistency, cook my own food) stuff I never did before I quit weed.

Nevertheless I'm still pretty miserable most of the time lol
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#16

Postby lefttheleaf » Thu Feb 14, 2019 8:42 pm

Hey Buddy
I’m in Northern England.
How are you doing today?
I feel for you bro.
Are you meditating? What techniques are you using?
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#17

Postby thegreatdane » Thu Feb 14, 2019 10:18 pm

LondonScouse - Ahh i see. I agree man i have had a few good moments and days, but they were mostly during the first 3 months for some reason? This last month has been terrible. Huge waves of paws. Oh well. Cant wait to get out of this :)

Leavetheleaf - Oh nice one, im actually going to London in a few days to watch football
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#18

Postby leavepawsbehind » Thu Feb 14, 2019 11:47 pm

Hang in there bud, I'm right behind you. The #1 thing to keep in mind is to not time yourself. I think disappointment and anger over how damn long it's taking is somehow worse than the symptoms themselves. I know I am far better off than I was last February. Doesn't change my being overwhelmingly tired of this crap though. My tinnitus is basically gone but I am still dealing with old and new aches and pains, feeling really tired halfway through the day, bad mood, anxiety, sometimes feeling dizzy, etc. It's all relatively minor compared to previous problems but it's still a big pain in the butt. I am sick of being not normal.
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#19

Postby lefttheleaf » Fri Feb 15, 2019 8:50 am

Whats happening guys?

Feeling any better today?

I don't know if any of you have read my post on here but if you haven't I encourage you to do so as I have been in some dark places with this.

A couple posts above me where the chap was saying about how this isn't about you and its about a plant and its effects - I feel that is just anger and upset at your situation mate.

Cannabis has been and can be used safely - yes the super, highly engineered, skunks are a world unto their own but we all have choice and we are all big boys. We made a decision to smoke, whatever drove that decision, WE MADE IT. Don't blame a plant for your own misgivings.

I think we all became dependent on smoking for one reason or another - and for me the reason was that I was incredibly unhappy, and I would say had quite severe depression without releasing it. Sadly my choice at the time was to self medicate and use weed, i.e. a quick fix, to help me feel better. And it did - it really did. It helped me feel great, at first. And I then didn't want to admit that it was affecting me even more negatively after as I had such a romantic view of it and how it helped me at first.

Instead of asking why you aren't normal or why this is happening? just accept it. accept you made mistakes, accept that you are where you are now and accept that your life might not get better than right now - and that is enough. Just accept it. If I have learnt anything its that hoping and wanting things to be better doesn't help you. Acceptance is a choice.

Some might think that this is defeatist - and that's okay, that's absolutely okay. But ironically its the opposite when you look deeply enough. If you accept that you are where you are right now but you work every day to be a slightly better human than you were today the trajectory of both your life and your recovery will, I assure you, slowly improve.

One great way to take your mind off where you are right now is to read:

Lose yourself in a book - a good one, and a long one.

Game of Thrones is an amazing read. Theres 6 or so books now. Finish them and enjoy them.
FInd a hobby or take up a new one

Just live your life - it might not get any better but you have today!
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#20

Postby leavepawsbehind » Fri Feb 15, 2019 7:00 pm

My experience is that acceptance isn't a switch that you flip. It's a constant, variable stream. I do accept my situation. I don't blame anyone or anything for my problems. But despite living like a monk, eating no sugar, drinking no caffeine, regular weight lifting and cardio and yoga, spending time outdoors, on some days, I am just fed up and feel terrible. The tough love approach just doesn't work for me. I don't want advice, I already got all of that 9 months ago. I understand your intention is good, I just wanted to share my perspective and reaction. I like to check in with other folks on this journey with me and agreeing with one another that this is hard and it sucks sure does make me feel not so alone. I accepted my situation long ago, but some days, anonymously complaining eases the pain.
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#21

Postby LondonScouse » Fri Feb 15, 2019 7:31 pm

I hear you leavepawsbehind :(

Life seems unfair. Just gotta be a soldier and keep going forward.
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#22

Postby lefttheleaf » Fri Feb 15, 2019 8:09 pm

leavepawsbehind wrote:My experience is that acceptance isn't a switch that you flip. It's a constant, variable stream. I do accept my situation. I don't blame anyone or anything for my problems. But despite living like a monk, eating no sugar, drinking no caffeine, regular weight lifting and cardio and yoga, spending time outdoors, on some days, I am just fed up and feel terrible. The tough love approach just doesn't work for me. I don't want advice, I already got all of that 9 months ago. I understand your intention is good, I just wanted to share my perspective and reaction. I like to check in with other folks on this journey with me and agreeing with one another that this is hard and it sucks sure does make me feel not so alone. I accepted my situation long ago, but some days, anonymously complaining eases the pain.


I feel you mate. Complain away. I’ll shut up!
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#23

Postby leavepawsbehind » Fri Feb 15, 2019 10:12 pm

Totally not trying to shut you down or up. I'm sure someone would benefit from that message. But maybe my experience resonates with someone as well. I know one thing for sure. I've never been as fit or had as many good habits as I do now. I'd trade the habits and fitness for some normalcy in an instant though :P
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#24

Postby ashthewarrior7 » Sat Feb 16, 2019 11:03 am

Hey Greatdane,

all i have is two recommendations - try electrolytes drinks like Gatorade or the electrolyte powder that you mix with water (its called electral or ORS in my locality). secondly, if healthy food isnt working for you, then chuck it, try eating non healthy and see, if it gets worse then stop it if not then enjoy the tasty food atleast. what do you have to lose in trying?!
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