How to Deal with a Narcissistic Mother?

Postby rainingforest » Sat Feb 16, 2019 8:22 pm

I'll start off by saying that everything is a personal attack towards her. For example, I have been having anxiety about a procedure I need done under anesthesia. I told her that I don't really want it done because there are tons of risks, and they outweigh the benefits. She immediately got really pissed, raised her voice, and told me that "I do everything for you, and now you're f*****g doing this? I'VE had the procedure done, and there is no risk at all."

I told her "Yes. You have had the procedure done, but I have looked over reports from the millions of other people who have had it done, and I do not want to take the risk."

She then says that "You always do this to me. I try to help you and you treat me like sh**." She then puts her hand over her face and said she feels like crying. She never talked to me the rest of the night.

I mean, I get her side because she wants to help me by getting the test done, but she does NOT get my side at all.

I have Aspergers, and she LOVES to tell everyone we meet that I have it. Or she uses it as an excuse to get me benefits for stuff I don't need. What really ticks me off is that she tells everyone I have Aspergers and anxiety, but when I tell her I feel bad and don't want to do something because of my anxiety, she yells at me, tells me I always treat her like sh**, she starts crying, and then doesn't believe I have anxiety.

I might honestly have a mental break if this continues. She told me she was cutting down on an SSRI, so I very nicely told her that I think her mood is getting worse, and she may need to go on a better SSRI. She said "You don't know what f*****g medicines I take! It's none of your damn business."

Any tips on dealing with her? I would tell my father, but he follows my mother around by her heels.
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun Feb 17, 2019 10:26 am

Depends on your age.

From what you wrote it sounds like you are financially or in some other way dependent on your mother. The tip for dealing with her is to focus on making yourself independent rather than dependent. If you are not dependent, then you have the freedom to distance yourself and engage with your mother on your own terms.
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