Fake Confidence?

Postby jkscrim » Tue Feb 19, 2019 10:23 pm

Hi,

So I have a weird, uncommon, and frankly nonsensical situation regarding my confidence. I am a 23 year old male who doesn't appear to be "not confidant" or with low self-esteem.

I am going to reveal some specific details of my life that I THOUGHT would give me confidence.

In high school, I was perceived as the most academically 'confident' person. I was good at debate, speeches, writing, math, and almost everything I committed myself too. Worked my donkey off and went to Harvard. My parents, friends, and other family members would always say "you are naturally smart" (when that is not the case, I just work hard). Since my dad is a lawyer, I decided to pursue law. I "repeated" high school all over again in college. Now I am a 2nd year Harvard law student.

Of course there were a lot of other trivial things that happened in college. I worked out a lot, went to a lot more parties, and tried to involve myself with the community such as volunteering.

I LOOK confident, SOUND confident but deep inside I am not. Whenever I go back to my apartment, my self-esteem just drops tremendously. It's almost like I am so good at FAKING my confidence.

Is what I have confidence or is this confidence that I am just good at superficially portraying in life? The ONLY reason I can think of that can cause this is not having a girlfriend, but I never bothered to look for one because I thought I should work on myself first. AND I DID. I have worked on myself physically, academically, and socially. Yet I feel like there is still something missing.

Should I get therapy? Despite all the things I have going for me, I lack confidence. The only problem is.....I can't pinpoint why I feel like this.

Thanks for reading such an absurd and stupid post. Don't expect to get much out of this and my friends will probably laugh at me if they knew I was on this forum, but I hope I get a good reply or two.

Thank you.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Feb 20, 2019 7:25 am

jkscrim wrote:Is what I have confidence or is this confidence that I am just good at superficially portraying in life? The ONLY reason I can think of that can cause this is not having a girlfriend...I have worked on myself physically, academically, and socially. Yet I feel like there is still something missing.


First, what you are experiencing at your age is extremely common and can last a few decades if your not careful.

Why Harvard law? Because, like most people driven to pursue such a fine institution you are very much driven by what you think your parents, your family, your friends, and society expects of you. You are not driven intrinsically. You are not you. You are what you believe others want you to be or what you “should” be so you go through all the steps that you think will make you successful and happy. But, you are not following your own recipe, but the recipe that is provided by society. You lack the unique you that makes you, you.

The key...the red, red, red flag is when you wrote about a girlfriend. No other person can make you happy or give you confidence. A girlfriend is not another checkbox that fulfills the confidence checklist.

But no worries, everyone around you is faking it also. They appear confident more or less, but they have plenty of doubts. It’s okay.

Where you go from here is to become a skeptic. Don’t go overboard, the formula provided by society has value, but you are at the perfect age to graduate to the next level. You need to challenge why you are pursuing certain goals. Find your own identity and that will then translate into actual confidence.
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#2

Postby Livetowin » Mon Apr 08, 2019 12:08 pm

Everything in your assessment points to you measuring your identity through the opinions of others. What you're beginning to rationalize internally is outside perspective is not where the truth of life or the direction of YOUR life resides. The only person who truly knows you is yourself. What people think about you is what they see on the surface. That is anecdotal and not something you should overthink.

There are aspects of what people see that may strike a note of truth in you while others are wildly off the mark. And that's how it should be. Your identity is not an open book for all to see. Don't let that run you afoul of your ambitions. Stay true to the things you want to do and don't let the outside static get in your head. All my best!
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#3

Postby spicetime » Tue Jul 09, 2019 3:52 pm

thanks
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