Hmm

Postby EmptyAbyss » Thu Feb 21, 2019 7:54 am

Not sure where to begin...

I'm in need of help... I tried from hospitals, but neither the psychiatrist or psychologist from Kaiser were of much help. They just seemed like a waste of money and time...

What problems do I have? Well, I'm a whole lot of mess; or maybe just simply an empty shell? Idk anymore. I have super low self-esteem. I mean low as in when I get praised by others, I become repulsive. Even the mere thought of finding a relationship (both simple friendship and intimate relationship) seems to be impossible. I mean, who could like a person like me?

Then, there's that constant wish that I was never born; that I could disappear. And don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal. I just really don't see the point of living. We come to struggle for a life we want, and fail at it. Even those who become successful in life leaves this world with nothing. No money, no happiness, no loved ones, nothing. When we die, all our hard work stays behind. So why struggle? Sometimes, death just seem so much easier, and makes much more sense...

I kept watching other people, trying to figure out why they don't feel the same way. It seems the only difference is, they all know what they want. No matter if it's their career, their hobbies, their interests, their desire for love, or even their craving for thrills and highs... They all know what they want. But what do I want? I really don't know.

I want to have friends, but it seems to much of a hassle to keep the bonds. Especially when I don't even know what to talk about (or what to do) when I am with them. I want love, but I don't feel like I'm good enough for the good people out there. I don't even know how a relationship would work when a friendship won't.

As for career, hobbies and interests? I don't have a single clue. I really don't know what it feels like to "like" anything. Growing up, I pretended I liked basketball, reading books, and watching TV. But as time went by, I couldn't hold up the pretense anymore. I no longer want to touch the ball, I couldn't even get past the first page of the novels anymore, and I kept hitting fast forward on netflix.

To add more to my issues, I'm very lacking in real life feelings and emotions. I do laugh at jokes, and cry watching sad movies. But those are mostly unrelated to my real life. Only emotions I feel is rage, loneliness, and fear. There are no other emotions. No happiness, no excitedness, and no sadness. I guess that's why I don't know what I like or dislike? But, yeah. For the most part of my life, I simply "go with the flow", let life lead me where it wants to go. And all I feel was just simply emptiness. I feel like I'm getting swallowed by this emptiness.

My psychologist and psychiatrist said I need to first learn to love myself. But the problem is, just the thought about it makes me want to puke. They then tried giving me meds, but it simply numbs all my emotions, even the extreme ones.

So I thought, maybe what I need is not professional help from people who don't have similar experiences. Maybe a community who also have all sorts of issues of their own would be able to?
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#1

Postby Candid » Thu Feb 21, 2019 8:33 am

EmptyAbyss wrote:I mean, who could like a person like me?


You could. It would be life-changing.
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#2

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Feb 23, 2019 6:02 am

EmptyAbyss wrote: So I thought, maybe what I need is ...


Maybe what you need is to stop thinking and start doing. It’s easy...and quite useless to sit around and contemplate about what you maybe need. Apparently you don’t worry about food, shelter, clothing, Internet access. You live a comfortable life where you don’t have survival needs, so you have all the time in the world to sit around and contemplate about what you do or do not like in life.

What a wonderful luxury, but apparently a curse for some to have no pressing needs.
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#3

Postby EmptyAbyss » Sat Feb 23, 2019 5:11 pm

You have no right to judge and insult others before even getting to know them. Icannot tell you how wrong you are. I'm dealing with one hell of a dysfunctional family, and struggling to survive on my own.
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#4

Postby Candid » Sun Feb 24, 2019 7:30 am

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#5

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun Feb 24, 2019 8:34 am

EmptyAbyss wrote:You have no right to judge


Says who? I have every right to judge.

In fact, YOU posted in an advice forum. YOU invited your issue, YOU invited others to judge your post when you wrote it.

and insult others before even getting to know them.


I didn’t insult anyone. And pardon me for not going back and forth to ask a bunch of clarifying questions as to get to “know you” before providing advice. This is a public forum not a therapist’s couch. There is only a few paragraphs that summarize the issue and from that judgments are made and advice provided.

Icannot tell you how wrong you are. I'm dealing with one hell of a dysfunctional family, and struggling to survive on my own.


Get in line. Everyone has a dysfunctional family. And it is no surprise you are struggling to “survive”. Your auto-defense to lash out because you received advice that apparently hit home speaks volumes.
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#6

Postby EmptyAbyss » Sun Feb 24, 2019 12:40 pm

Thank you Candid. I haven't been able to finish watching the video. But, from what I did had time to watch, it really helped me understand a little about myself.

As for Mr. Richards, isn't it normal for one to defend themselves when they are wrongly criticized? And haven't I already said, anger is one of the few emotions I really ever feels?

Duh, everyone have some sort of dysfunctions of their own, no matter family, work, or relationships. I'm not saying I'm the only one having them. You just seem to have the delusion that I have a comfortable life, so I'm simply stating a fact for you. Plus, it's the whole reason I'm here. Trying to figure out how others cope with their issues, or how I can cope with mine.

I couldn't help but wonder why you are so quick to judge others, and criticize them? Is that projection? I mean, it seems to me like you're the one with the luxury to go reading other people's comments and thinking of ways to attack them. Or perhaps you're simply lashing out because you're not getting enough attention in real life?
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#7

Postby Candid » Sun Feb 24, 2019 1:18 pm

Maybe you'll like my friend Pete Walker. http://pete-walker.com/
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#8

Postby tokeless » Sun Feb 24, 2019 8:23 pm

EmptyAbyss wrote:Thank you Candid. I haven't been able to finish watching the video. But, from what I did had time to watch, it really helped me understand a little about myself.

As for Mr. Richards, isn't it normal for one to defend themselves when they are wrongly criticized? And haven't I already said, anger is one of the few emotions I really ever feels?

Duh, everyone have some sort of dysfunctions of their own, no matter family, work, or relationships. I'm not saying I'm the only one having them. You just seem to have the delusion that I have a comfortable life, so I'm simply stating a fact for you. Plus, it's the whole reason I'm here. Trying to figure out how others cope with their issues, or how I can cope with mine.

I couldn't help but wonder why you are so quick to judge others, and criticize them? Is that projection? I mean, it seems to me like you're the one with the luxury to go reading other people's comments and thinking of ways to attack them. Or perhaps you're simply lashing out because you're not getting enough attention in real life?


You do seem quite defensive. There's a saying, if you don't want a haircut don't sit in the barber's chair. It's a public forum and YOU posted and asked for comment. Try opening your 'Johari Widow'... That may explain how you can use feedback from others to know more about yourself.
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#9

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Feb 25, 2019 2:47 am

EmptyAbyss wrote:Thank you Candid. I haven't been able to finish watching the video. But, from what I did had time to watch, it really helped me understand a little about myself.


So you need help, the video you say helped, but then you didn’t have time to finish? But you have time to type a reply in this forum? You have time to make sure to defend your anonymous self from advice that didn’t help you, but not the time to watch the video? Does that make any sense?

Here is some new advice. Maybe you have your priorities a bit off. Maybe this is an issue that compounds your problems, in that when something helps, then you don’t have time for it, but instead you turn your attention to less productive behaviors.

I couldn't help but wonder why you are so quick to judge others, and criticize them? Is that projection? I mean, it seems to me like you're the one with the luxury to go reading other people's comments and thinking of ways to attack them. Or perhaps you're simply lashing out because you're not getting enough attention in real life?


This is very common. Person;

-1- Asks for advice.
-2- Doesn’t like advice.
-3- Attempts to shift focus on the problems the advice giver must have.

I imagine this is another repeating pattern in your life. It allows you to never actually address your own issues.

You have the opportunity. You can start today. You can start right now. Set some goals that you can accomplish. Focus on what you can control. Don’t worry about some anonymous advice giver, don’t blame me or your family. Don’t sit around thinking about things. Set your goals, strive for your goals. That is how you will build your confidence. That is how you will learn how to deal with anger or whatever other issues you might be facing.
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