Hurting parents

Postby Vignesh » Tue Feb 26, 2019 8:20 pm

I really hate my parents. Obviously this is the most awkward start of a topic, but it is true. I feel like hurting them with the most painful way ever. I might sound like a madman. I will let you know why I feel so.
My mother was a teacher, that makes me a target every time I don't get the first place in academics. I have faced real abusive behaviour (Running naked in front of my friends, getting lashes with belt till my skin wilted off, chilies in my eyes and burns). All of these because I am not first. I don't want to be first in studies. But that's not a concern at all. All they wanted was their pride of having a child who comes first. I started writing poems and stories since I was in 6th standard. My parents never ever read it. I had to burn them all only because I didn't score first in my English and Hindi language. I wanted to die that day.
As I grew up, I started getting interested in sports (without my parents knowledge of course). I won my first gold medal in high jump and a bronze in karate. Went home with a sense of pride that I have actually won something. I faced the worst sarcasm that day. My mom saw my medals and asked me why wasn't I in the class and why did I go to the playground? I literally wanted to die that day and even cut myself in my wrist. But my friends saw that and saved me. After this my parents git some counseling from the doctor who said that their way of parenting is wrong. I felt like I have finally won the battle and from now on I will be seeing a change. My wishes went dry when we came back home. My father asked me why I complained about their behaviour to a 3rd person. Adding to it my mom started abusing saying my character is now to be questioned. Wetting my pillows with tears, I lived all these years. Now I am married and am expecting a child. Again their influence has started. I fear another person with this mental sickness should not roam this world. I really want to hurt them so that they don't come into my life again. I have been killed multiple times by them. I don't want my child to be treated like this.
I feel painful when I confront them with their behaviour and the damage they have done, and they start to play the victim. Comparing me with all around, they have already killed me. I don't want to die again. I know they will hurt my child if they are around. I want to save my child from these demons. I want to hurt them so much that they never come into my life again.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Feb 27, 2019 5:37 am

Vignesh wrote:Now I am married and am expecting a child. Again their influence has started.


Understandably, the advice I am about to give you is unfair. It is unfair, because it is extremely easy for a person like me. I know this, because I have witnessed this first hand at least 100 times now.

I would respond to a case of abuse. I would arrive at the call and see the victim. I would arrest the abuser and then tell the abused the very simple advice, “LEAVE.” I would tell them that they can simply walk away, that they can remove themselves from the situation, that there are shelters and programs to give them the skills they need to thrive in life without the abuser.

Easy for me. I have confidence, I have skills, I have not been constantly told how horrible I am and made to feel like crap. It is impossible for me to be abused, because it is incredibly easy for me to just remove the abuser from my life, to have absolutely nothing to do with them.

You are a married adult expecting a child. You have control over you. You have the ability to simply walk away, to leave, to shut down communication, to remove your parents from your life.

I know it is hard to believe. I know you can come up with reasons to keep them in your life. Maybe they supported you financially, maybe they still have certain ways they control you. Still, that is not an acceptable excuse.

I’m accepting your post as 100% truth. I am accepting your post as hating these people in your life. Therefore, as an adult you have 100% the power to remove them from your life. Cut off all communication. Then, over time if you wish to slowly reopen contact or communication it is on your terms. You have the power to control you. You can choose.

Again, very easy for someone like me to say and do. The reason I know this, is because most of the time I would respond again to the same house, the person didn’t leave and again had been abused. They disagreed with me, they told me they could not leave, they could not stop communication, and that it was their fault they had been abused. Again, and again, and again I saw this cycle.

I wish you luck.
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#2

Postby Vignesh » Wed Feb 27, 2019 5:50 am

This place actually has people who read and understand! Thank you so much. I feel relaxed now. Leaving is actually a difficult task. But it seems a sensible solution. I will find ways to move away. Thank you for the patience to read my grievance
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