What is wrong with me? If i am having a mid life crises

Postby Aquajade01 » Wed Feb 27, 2019 12:56 pm

• I am 42 year old husband, married with 38 year old for happy 15 years but,
• Recently I start feeling insecure and possessive of my wife
• I used to be smart and handsome. I become too fat over last 15 years [173 CM, 250 lbs], start looking older than my age. I start hating my pictures, as it does not match my expectation how I want to look like. This silently reduce my self-confidence. I feel, I am ugly or at least not her match, I feel that she might not like to be with me. In fact, in my heart I feel that she deserve better.
• I am scared about my physical disparity with her. I am super fat. She is smart and slim. She is very modest in her dressing and does not expose herself to others, I feel threatened when she look very nice if we have company or when I see her photo on the facebook which I know other peoples also see. I go to the comments on her page and read though it to see if some male connection do any comments or if she is flirting with any one.
• She never give me any reason, but a thought stuck in my mind to keep a check upon her, what she is doing, what she is up to. We both know each other’s passwords and I lurk around her phone and photos. Never found anything and she is very clean in all the ways you can imagine. However, I feel urges to try to find out dirt, which I know is not there. I fear I will destroy what I have if she know that I am spying on her. I want to trust her 100%, but something in me ask to do otherwise
• On occasions, I show my distaste of her taking many pics. She think I am annoyed by the frequency of pics, but I do not like my photo in fact.
• She is the one and only woman I ever been. I do not want to burden her but I feel sad / angry when she go out for timeout with her friends for coffee or lunch, etc.
• I never was a party animal, but I used to have close friends. I used to be social on family level and on facebook. I am not able to understand why, but I stop enjoying company of other peoples or friend. I feel bored, unfit, uninterested and wasting my time when I meet peoples in big gatherings and sometime even with my old friends. My facebook account is still alive but I don’t use it unless I try to see about her.
• I enjoy my me time with my kids and my wife and expect her to do the same. If she want to spend time with her lady friends while I am home, I feel bad / angry, etc. She know I don’t like her so she meet with her friends very less.
• I tried to touch and connect with her more due to my insecurities as listed about. I am afraid that I am too much attached to her and need her attention, which will stifled and suffocate her.
• We have three kids and spend most of the dinners together, we watch TV together, and I love every second of our company. But the evil thoughts / doubts that she will leave me or cheat on me keep coming to my mind
• We are financially safe and sound and no issue on this fornt
• We are sexually active [3~4 time a week] and both enjoy it to the same level. But I love porn and like to masturbate the nights we don’t do it. She knows and I know that she know.
• I continuously try to be fit, exercise and loss weight. Once I lose 35 pound by exercise and diet during one-year time however, it came back after one year once I stop dieting. Although I like when my size reduce from XXL to Large, I did not feel good a single day about my food and healthy lifestyle. I love to eat big and fitness lifestyle (eat clean and less) make me sad. I love running and weights but never able to like to eat less and healthy. I do gym / running 5 days a week when I am active and walking and jogging 2~3 days a week when I am not. She is on the contrast follow strict

I know that you will think I have an ideal life partner and what is wrong with me. Believe me I am looking for the same answer, what is wrong with me. I need you to advise me on the following

1. What is wrong with me? Is this is a mid-life Crisis
2. Do I need to see a shrink
3. Should I come clean, tell her everything, and try to find a solution together. I strongly believe that she will be shocked or sad and I don’t want this
4. I want to trust her and want to feel safe about it. I pretend that I do, but feel insecure on the first test. Why
Aquajade01
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#1

Postby Candid » Thu Feb 28, 2019 7:34 am

So you've let yourself go physically, and your solution is to check up on your wife all the time?

Aquajade01 wrote:1. What is wrong with me? Is this is a mid-life Crisis
2. Do I need to see a shrink
3. Should I come clean, tell her everything, and try to find a solution together. I strongly believe that she will be shocked or sad and I don’t want this
4. I want to trust her and want to feel safe about it. I pretend that I do, but feel insecure on the first test. Why


I go for 3.

Tell her you feel bad about the shape you're in, and enlist her help with diet and exercise. It'll be a good bonding experience.
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#2

Postby whybotherwhynot » Thu Feb 28, 2019 1:52 pm

I don't think you have a midlife crisis because I did not see you mentioned you wanted to by a brand new convertible sports car or was thinking of looking for a much younger good looking girl. LOL.

I think your problem is you gained too much weight and don't feel/look good and you lost your self-esteem and confidence, and then you feel insecure. Negative physical changes cause mental/emotional changes.

What you really need is to lose your weight by finding a good diet and stick to it. Eat less, eat healthy food. Eat more vegetable and fruits instead of meat, fat or fast food. Exercise more. Don't watch so much food advertisements on TV or youtube, that make you feel like to eat more. Stay away from people who often call you to go out to eat. Have self discipline. Some diet pills may help.

I found Carcinia Cambogia worked for me. I'm not over weighed at all; but whenever I felt I gained a few pounds more than I wanted to be, I tried to eat less or I took those pills as instruction for a couple days, and I did not feel like to eat much, then I was okay. I'm not a sales person trying to advertise these pills. I'm just sharing my experience. Look it up on Amazon or in your local health food stores.

I hope what I told you above could help. And I'm sorry if you feel I was harsh by telling the truth.

The truth is when I look good, I feel good; and when I feel good, I look good.
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