90 Days Today

Postby Sherwood1999 » Sat Mar 02, 2019 11:07 pm

Hey guys! today I hit 90 days. It has been sooooo hard. Basically if you’ve been seeing my posts you’ll know my biggest PAWS symptom is DPDR. Honestly I don’t have depression or even any anxiety just DPDR.

My DPDR makes me feel detached from myself, the people in my life and my surroundings. It literally makes me feel like I’m on an alien planet.

Honestly I’m not sure if the DPDR is a symptom of PAWS or if it just triggered by being constantly stressed for the months leading up to my DPDR but nontheless I think I recognise what my stressors were and I’m trying to work on them.

I’ve noticed though that when I’m fully distracted (playing video games, talking to friends, or family) and I mean engaged in conversation I don’t even notice it. (Currently playing Final Fantasy X) I think I’m starting to make some very very minor breakthroughs in getting through this.

I’m also starting to have my pre-weed feelings at times. I cannot explain the pre-weed feelings but lemme just say they are amazing. Like I said they don’t last long and most of the time I’m suffering but I think if I just stay busy and accept my feelings then I’ll get through this.

I’m 19 years old and starting my first semester of college soon! Taking only two classes as not to stress myself.

CThompson, DirtySanchez, Lefttheleaf, HeadInLoud, LeavePawsBehind, and anyone else who’s quit Journals I’ve read read thank you. I really mean it.

Lastly I’m curious where you guys are livin life at the moment? I’m over here in Portland Oregon. Cheers. :)
Sherwood1999
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#1

Postby exstonerinhell » Sun Mar 03, 2019 6:13 am

Keep it up, 90 days is great. You sound like you're figuring things out and working through this crap as best you can. Just keep going and you'll be through it. The DP/DR stuff is super rough and horrible, but it'll wax and wane until it's gone. It may take you a while, but you'll get there.

I'm in Colorado, myself.
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#2

Postby Sherwood1999 » Sun Mar 03, 2019 9:34 am

Exstoner my b I meant to list you off too, yeah I mean so far it’s still 24/7 but it’s gotten like 30-40% better, I think once it starts coming in waves I’ll really notice a difference vs the 24/7. Thanks for the reply man I always appreciate it. And yeah I agree it is horrible lol, one day I’ll be able to say I’ve been through some of the worst mental disorders have to offer.
Sherwood1999
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#3

Postby lefttheleaf » Sun Mar 03, 2019 12:00 pm

What’s up man. Glad to hear you’re sounding a bit better and ever so slightly more positive. Good for you.

I replied to your other post when you asked me about how my DR/DP presents itself. Not sure if you saw that?

Anyway I think you’ve made the subtle breakthrough there that’s needed to get through this stage and try and regain some level of what we see as normality.

I still suffer with it on a daily basis mate so I’m by no means out of the woods but what you’ve said about it improving when you’re distracted is the key to getting past this in my opinion. Final fantasy is a sick game too - I haven’t played it for years though.
But try reading - that helps me so much more than anything else.

I’m getting more and more into Buddhism/Japanese way of life as I progress along this journey and there’s a concept of being in your flow. Which basically means anything which stops you checking your clock for the time. And even more simply that would be anything which keeps you distracted and focused enough so that your mind doesn’t wander. I’ve probably absolutely butchered the concept there but at a very basic level I feel that’s the meaning.

Here in the west we praise people who can seemingly multi task and juggle lots of different things at once and cope with a lot of demands. We are all massively over stimulated and under nourished in regards to our connection to ourselves and our world. We strive for what we think we should be doing as opposed to what we want to do in our hearts. And then we all wonder why mental health is at almost epidemic levels and almost all of us at points then turn to drink and drugs to find a release.

I don’t regret anything that I’ve been through with the PAWS journey as I feel if you accept the suffering and try and get past that it can help you see life for the really beautiful thing it is. Something that we all miss on a daily basis.

If you’re interested in any of this hit me up in the DMs and I’ll send you over some great reads which explain this all in a lot more detail my man.

Good luck with it and keep going
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#4

Postby leavepawsbehind » Sun Mar 03, 2019 10:14 pm

90 days is a big milestone. Congratulations on hitting it! Video games are a great distraction, but I find I do have to be careful in not overdoing it. I played FF X back when it was first released but not since.

I'm in Texas. Cheers!
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#5

Postby Sherwood1999 » Mon Mar 04, 2019 11:34 pm

Lefttheleaf,

Yeah man I agree it definitely is still a struggle 100%. I still feel like I’m on a mini dose of shrooms at all times but some times are better than others. And yeah reading is a great way to distract as well. I’m currently almost finished with game of thrones book 1.

I too have started to dive into the eastern mindfulness philosophy. I agree with everything you said about our western culture. I appreciate your advice and your thoughtful response. And yeah any book recommendations would be awesome!
Sherwood1999
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#6

Postby lefttheleaf » Tue Mar 05, 2019 10:25 pm

What’s up pal
There’s a book called ‘ikigai’ really worth a read mate

And yeah. Low dose shrooms sums it up ha
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