The struggle is real

Postby Cthompson21 » Tue Mar 12, 2019 1:56 pm

It's been a rough week. I've been having a hard time with anxiety since January, so bad that I wanted to kill myself really badly because everything seemed so bleak. I wanted to just die and be done. This landed me in the hospital unfortunately and they gave me benzos every day for five days to calm me down so now I'm adjusting since I dont want to depend on them. I think they made the anxiety a little worse but I was on them for a short time so hopefully they didn't do any real damage?

I've been battling weed PAWS since August when I smoked but before that I had recovered from a 2 year battle. Being in this state for so long has really changed who I am. I realize now I dont want to kill myself but for the pain to go away. I also know that it will continue for a long time and I'm accepting that more and more. I wish all the best to everyone and I want to share a video...type in Make your Bed speech in YouTube. I was something I watched in the hospital. It helped me and hope it helps you.

It is a tough struggle but one day at a time is the most important thing to realize. All the best to everyone.
Cthompson21
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#1

Postby cleanofgreen » Wed Mar 13, 2019 4:14 pm

Hang in there Cthompson,

It's a struggle all right, the biggest one I ever faced, but you will come out of it. I doesn't seem like it when your in it, especially when you have those "is it worth it" thoughts but you will be happy again with the passing of some more time clean. It sucks that you're going through it again but a least you know you recovered before so you can again.

JP has some great advise all right, I'd love to have found it earlier in life but think that I probably wouldn't have taken it in or worse yet would've laughed at it. I think we get to where we are in life by or daily habits, we are where we are right now because or habits have brought us here.When you change your habits your life won't change immediately, it's like an investment where you have to wait to see the dividends. When you change your habits you create a new life for yourself and also a new you it just takes time to see it.

Any passions in life that might pass the time a bit better ?, some hobbies, art, music, sports etc. Try to find something to put your soul into that gives you pleasure and that will take the mind off the pain. We all need something in life that makes us tick.

Wish you all the best.
Good luck and stay strong.
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