rules of any relationship

#15

Postby BrokeSuicide » Tue Mar 19, 2019 10:08 am

johnmason wrote:could u please stop using such words such as hero , sheperd , ceo etc..it s kinda cringy..bro i dont want to be some hero or great person...i just want to be a average guy with few friends..as far as u r talking creating your own rules..do u really create your own social rules..i am asking here in this forum..because i am quite poor in the social aspect..social rules are universal..i could get an idea what is really appropriate in a social situation


First let me say I'm not often a good person. I have my faults and I have made mistakes. The bold part above which I've tried to explain to Richard in the past. He doesn't get it. Richard is a troll. He comes back here time and time and time again to troll people. My advice would be to avoid him. But its up to you.

I wish you well and good luck.
BrokeSuicide
 


#16

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Mar 20, 2019 5:25 am

do u really create your own social rules..i am asking here in this forum..because i am quite poor in the social aspect..social rules are universal..i could get an idea what is really appropriate in a social situation


No one is born and raised independent of rules given to them. From child to teen rules are learned and accepted as objective truth. As critical thinking skills develop, most teens and young adults begin to question the validity of certain rules. Some, a few, become the leaders of their generation and break, transform or create new rules. Social rules evolve over time.

Social rules are absolutely NOT universal. Social rules are dynamic both in time and space. You don’t follow the social rules of 1800’s England, because that is not the society in which you find yourself. The rules of society in Sparta were exceedingly different than the rules for society in Athens cerca 500 BC. The rules today for society in India are different than the rules for society in China or the United States or Colombia. You and I follow different social rules.

And absolutely I create my own rules. This does not mean anarchy against every social rule with which I was raised. It means I accept that I am not a slave to these rules. I can critically evaluate to what extent I want to honor a rule or I can create a rule that works for me. Based on what you have written, this is what you struggle with to some degree. You want to be told what rules to follow, even as the rules that apply to you in your specific society will not necessarily apply to others.

You have even drawn a distinction between rich and poor. You truly believe both rich and poor have the same social rules? Absolutely not.

My point is to encourage you to make your own rules rather than asking people that don’t live in your society what the rules are or should be.

johnmason wrote:could u please stop using such words such as hero , sheperd , ceo etc..it s kinda cringy..bro i dont want to be some hero


No. I’ll use whatever language I feel like bro. If my using hero or shepherd in providing advice makes you cringe bro, that’s not my problem bro. I’m not the one asking for advice. You are. I’m not the one in need of friends. You are. But by all means, if my telling you no is not to your liking you have options.
User avatar
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 10491
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 1078

#17

Postby Helenawizr » Wed Apr 10, 2019 1:27 pm

I love to of various kinds. Not only psychological but also on compatibility. So unobtrusively we learn to understand each other, interests, tastes and desires :lol:
And the great thing is to do it together, you can before bedtime!
Helenawizr
New Member
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Apr 10, 2019 1:23 pm
Likes Received: 0

#18

Postby RichardB6 » Wed Apr 17, 2019 10:11 am

for my perspective its only one that is "understanding"
RichardB6
New Member
 
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Apr 17, 2019 9:57 am
Likes Received: 0

#19

Postby Livetowin » Mon Apr 22, 2019 12:24 pm

How well you relate and interact to other people weighs largely on how well you understand yourself. Without understanding your own boundaries makes it difficult to draw boundaries for others in your space. So first understand the space you need before entrusting it to others.

Once you understand what you need, you can better assert yourself on matters regarding the needs of others and where that may or may not be applicable to you. This is important because it helps you assess situations more accurately regarding your ability to be available for someone versus the conflict of simply WANTING to be available for someone. Remember, its not what you want to do, its what you realistically can do if the situation presents itself. Always cover your own back first.

And lastly, remember accountability rests on both parties when a transaction is taking place. A person asking for something carries as much weight as the person who agrees to give it. If a person asking for something accompanies that request with a pity plea to try and displace weight on your shoulders, be VERY cautious.

Remember just because someone needs something you possess does not mean you suddenly own their problem. Someone trying to mortgage your friendship are not people who generally feel any responsibility for asking and will ask you to utilize those same feelings of pity when they fail to do what they promised in consideration of you.

So, by the same token, it's your responsibility to understand that dynamic and not give away your assets to those who are not reliable or are people simply trying to take advantage of you. So, to Richard's point, be aware of what you have, covet what you absolutely can not do without, and never hand over more than is comfortable in your circumstances.

Any person who reacts negatively if you say 'no' is CLEARLY not invested in your well being and was simply counting on you being their sucker in the moment. Never feel the weight of someone asking. That weight should be on them. If you can give something after you have assessed your situation (and theirs), then do so. But if its not in your cards and the risk is too great based on all the reasons discussed, don't be afraid to say no. Having good intentions is one thing, but being able to give at any given time is not a guarantee anyone should measure you by.
Livetowin
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1008
Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2010 2:18 pm
Likes Received: 86

#20

Postby Candid » Mon Apr 22, 2019 1:07 pm

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
User avatar
Candid
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 8406
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:00 am
Location: Reading, UK #MeToo
Likes Received: 358


Previous

  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Psychology