One year clean..thoughts and updates

Postby tokes » Tue Mar 26, 2019 11:20 pm

Hey guys,

You may know me from my previous thread which almost 20,000 views.

Thanks to all that have left messages and read my story.

On 03.03.18 I quit cannabis for a second time. The first attempt starting in 2015 lasted one and half years before I regrettably picked up the habit again.

On 01.03.18 I suffered a panic attack (due to excessive cannabis consumption) that left me with a 158bpm heart rate and a trip to the hospital. These happened regularly over a course of month lessening in severity over a period of time.

After what seemed to be a near death experience, I didn't need to promise myself that I would never smoke again, I guess knew I wasn't going to...ever again.

After the panic attacks I was left with anxiety, heart palpitations, nightmares, sleep disruption, over-bearing worrisome thoughts, depersonalisation and of course reoccurring panic attacks. On my second quit I seemed to exhibit phyiscal symptoms whereas the first quit I would be plagued with depression and brain fog which affected me more mentally.

As of March 2019, I can safely say all of those have cleared up touch wood. What I was extremely worried about were the heart palpitations. They still linger around and every now and then I can feel them, but it is nowhere near how they were before, and for that I am extremely grateful.

I cannot give advice on what helped for me as everyone is different and it is a process, unfortunately, we all have to suffer but as an active male, I took up Martial Arts. Specifically JuJitsu. This really helped to rid me of my anxiety. I would say taking part in any activity that builds up your confidence in some kind of way can be used a shield in your battle against your PAWs symptoms.

So here is my update after a long journey of almost 5 years, and I hope everyone finds the strength and courage in the themselves to continue to do the right thing of stopping this plant/drug/herb or whatever you call it having such a destructive impact on our lives and those around us!

Much Love,

Tokes
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#1

Postby cleanofgreen » Thu Mar 28, 2019 10:53 am

Well done on the year Tokes.

Followed your progress through the years and great to see you come out the other side, especially after the relapse. Just goes to show that there is no such thing as failure, you fail when you give up trying, you are a success as long as you keep getting back up after each setback and try again, each time learning from your previous mistakes.

Good luck and stay strong.
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#2

Postby tokes » Sat Aug 31, 2019 9:22 pm

1.5 years clean now.

Heart palpitations have almost disappeared now. Just they happen every now and then and I guess they completely cease to exist after another 6 months or so. I've lost weight, i'm in good shape. I have a gf now. I feel ok. No depression, or anxiety. Everything is going ok. Will update at the 2 year mark!

@Cleanofgreen thank you brother!
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#3

Postby Bthizzleinapickle » Fri Jan 17, 2020 1:48 am

Love you bro I know exactly what your dealt with I’m 8 months in now and everything you described I went through crying every night through anxiety attacks and mad at myself for vaping thc heart palps killing me making me doubt recovery drs saying I’m completely normal and that it’s just anxiety at first I thought it was over for me so I started telling my wife if I die soon this and that ,, I understand it all too well but hearing you say you’ve gotten better makes me hopeful again much love fam. Continue updating us on everything you might just save a life !!!
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#4

Postby Bthizzleinapickle » Sun Jan 19, 2020 7:48 am

I’ve been clean for going on 9 months the palpitations have gotten less severe but still come in storms will they ever go away , they’re the only thing that torment me becouse before I started to king the thc vape I never had them nor anxiety ? Do they ever go away has anyone experience them as severe as me and did they ever get better or start going away ??
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#5

Postby Thracian » Fri Jan 24, 2020 9:05 am

Bthizzleinapickle wrote:I’ve been clean for going on 9 months the palpitations have gotten less severe but still come in storms will they ever go away , they’re the only thing that torment me becouse before I started to king the thc vape I never had them nor anxiety ? Do they ever go away has anyone experience them as severe as me and did they ever get better or start going away ??


Its been a year and 5 months since I quit and im still experiencing heart palpitations and pain around the heart along with anxiety. Been to the cardiologist and theyve found nothing wrong w my heart. Its a battle man,but im certainly better than how I used to be.
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#6

Postby Bthizzleinapickle » Mon Jan 27, 2020 8:57 pm

Do you get them all day I get them in storms also been to the cardiologist and was monitored for 24 hours found nothin .
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#7

Postby Bthizzleinapickle » Tue Jan 28, 2020 6:19 pm

Thracian do you still deal with the anxiety as well as the heart palpitations they told me that mine were due to anxiety , I’m on Buspirone an anxiolytic and it’s helped me so much without getting me high it’s real gentle and it’s the only thing that helped my heart palps calm down in intensity they used to feel real big anyways I hope you make a full recovery
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#8

Postby Thracian » Wed Jan 29, 2020 3:23 pm

Bthizzleinapickle wrote:Thracian do you still deal with the anxiety as well as the heart palpitations they told me that mine were due to anxiety , I’m on Buspirone an anxiolytic and it’s helped me so much without getting me high it’s real gentle and it’s the only thing that helped my heart palps calm down in intensity they used to feel real big anyways I hope you make a full recovery


Yes Im dealing with anxiety. The heart palpation come and go,sometimes i wake up with my heart pounding. Its good to know that you guys are experiencing too so its not some serious heart issue. Crazy how weed can cause all these side effect long time after quitting..My depression is way better,I am no longer crying for no reason. Anxiety and shortness of breath can come if I start freaking out over things.
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#9

Postby tokes » Thu Apr 16, 2020 2:02 pm

As of March 23rd 2020 I am officially 2 years CLEAN! Not a damn bud has been in my body. I am in my final year of study and I have a job as an English teacher in London. I have really battled through like an absolute warrior these last 2 years to get to the place that I am at now.

Like I said, this second time around I have battled intensely with physical symptoms such as the heart palpitations, dizziness, depersonalisation, panic attack and anxiety. When I quit the panic attacks were hospitalising and then they lessened in severity untilI hardly ever got them or they would last a minute or so and disappear.

@Bthizzleinapickle: In the same boat brother, still get heart palpitations almost everyday 2 years on from my first panic attack. I have been to multiple doctors and done multiple ECGs but of course as you know its all normal. I can say stay away from alcohol and anything that triggers ur palps. Lifting weights and playing sports helped my palps go away, especially gym. Actually a scientific study proved that lifting weights for less than an hour a week may reduce your risk for a heart attack or stroke by 40 to 70 percent, so really is good for the heart.
I think there are so many CBD and THC receptors in the body that we have messed up with something to do with the way adrenaline is administered in the body, so we get these sudden or gradual prolonged secretions of adrenaline that give us the constant feeling of palpitations. They will disappear over time and are not permanent, you just have to deal with them for now. I spoke to a guy I knew from Berlin who is on the frontline of advancements in heart surgery and he told me, "trust me, dont worry about them, there is so many nerves around the heart, you'll know when there is a problem". Then he told he was taking some kind of prescription drug kinda like the 80s version of adderall back when he was in his 20s and he had to keep increasing the doses to get the same effect and one day he had a massive panic attack and he heart palpitations for 2 years after and then over time they went away; so he's been in the same boat and he's 70 now and lives a completely healthy life. I can definetly say that 2 years into my quit which was march this year, 80% of the day i am free from palpitations and i usually get some mini episodes before bed which are very small and sometimes unnoticeable.

Somethings that have personally helped me with heart palps is when I feel them just go down and do 10 pressups. And then another 10. Then standstraight and fold over like im stretching my calfs and let the blood rush to my head. Then lie on my back and lift my legs up in the air as high as i can pushing my back up with my hands. Then I would stand up and put my foot on my inner knee and put my hands together like im praying and taking some really deep breaths. This relaxes me and kind of gets rid of the excess adrenaline thats floating around and I can the feel the heart palps go down. In more extreme cases where i feel them pumping hard (doesn't happen much anymore) I just say to myself, well, if I die...I die. I'll just go down like a man and take it and die. This it the end for me. And just accept it. And i've realised, once those thoughts run through my head, the heart palps again seem to subside, it's like when you've accepted the worst possible outcome you no longer become a prisoner of the worry around heart palps, and they just become a thing that happens without you having to worry about it. Some form of stoicism I guess.

Some other random occurrence I still experience are sometimes feeling I am not in the world. I kind of severe disconnect between me and reality, where I know I exist and I am aware of everything around me, but a feeling that I am not truly there, that maybe everything around me is a hologram and I am in the matrix or something just waiting to be unplugged. This feeling can happen once a month maybe and can last a couple of minutes. Very strange. It's weird, the symptoms of PAWs are not like the flu or something, where you experience the symptoms and then they just go away. Its like they just lessen in severity to the point where instead of them lasting weeks, or days at a time, it then gets reduced to hours, now minutes and hopefully one day just seconds and then never at all! Which mentally can be draining because just when you think one of the has gone, it then comes back to haunt you. I guess the human mind is always looking for resolution so when a symptom hits you again after you thinking it has been "resolved" it can be demoralising, but not to worry PAWs does eventually disappear completely; whether it takes 1 year, 2, 3 or 5 is up to the person, but they go and you can return to a normal happy functioning life.

I still struggle at times to be social within groups. I feel like my upbringing and experiences have rendered me suspicious of people and antisocial - this is not extreme at all and have a group of friends I can talk to and socialise with etc but I am still quiet in groups, so i've decided to see a therapist. I feel this whole process has taken a mental toll on me and i've made a decision just to see someone about it and get some things off my chest to a professional who may help me through my final steps to just adding that little extra bounce in my step.

All in all, I have a great relationship with my GF of one year. I still procrastinate like a bitch in my studies but I work part time as a teacher and do lots of sports and excercise, so NOT all bad! I look after myself and eat well and my family are all very proud of what I have done and look at to me with admiration. I have a very stable character, I am no longer afflicted by PAWs symptoms which have any major effect on my life apart from some mental things which I attribute more to being a bit of a thinker and philosopher!

Really happy for this forum and all the people on it that are helping each other in this unprecedented experience, and I wish good luck and peace to you all!

Thanks for reading :)
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#10

Postby SparkleFly12 » Thu Apr 16, 2020 3:58 pm

Wonderful post, thanks for the update @tokes! Good to hear things are going well!
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#11

Postby PAWSsurvivor » Thu Apr 16, 2020 5:06 pm

Amazing Tokes. I'm so glad for you, and yes you are a warrior. I hope you take some time to celebrate your accomplishment! (In a sober way of course).

And your post is such a service. I read this morning, again anxious about my own healing, and you remind me how everyone gets better. Thanks for giving me a lift.

Almost 8 months here. Looking forward to updating soon.
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#12

Postby PAWSsurvivor » Thu Apr 16, 2020 5:08 pm

Also, maybe you won't, but I'd love to hear from you again when you make the 3 year mark. We don't hear stories from many that far out. I assume because most heal and just get on with life. But I'm sure a year from now, such a story would be a lift. Have a great day!
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#13

Postby Cthompson21 » Fri Apr 17, 2020 2:40 am

Thank you so much for sharing. All the best to you.
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#14

Postby Cthompson21 » Fri Apr 17, 2020 11:54 pm

I have a question, Tokes, do you still deal with weird, vivid dreams at all? I still have a lot of bad dreams almost 2 years in, like bad LSD trips with inanimate objects talking to me. Itll be a good day when they die down a bit.
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