I'm Confused Even More!!! - Update!

Postby toughbird » Sat Apr 06, 2019 9:04 pm

Hi guys

This is the link with my orginal story. viewtopic.php?t=107833

Update

So I got on with my life. Decided to just move forward. In a new job which has increasing helped me to focus on a more positive life. Made me realise my self worth was more. I was surrounded with positivety. I even got a new phone and new number.

This week, I saw my ex at the bus stop. He saw me. Said hello and walked past me.

Two days later, on my facebook newsfeed. He posted up saying his deleted seventeen friends off his FB within the last three months.

Me being stupid and caring. I texted him from my new phone informing this is my new number.

Within a minute later, he replied back thanking me for my new number.

He ignores my texts for months. Doesn't reply. The moment I text him with my new number. He sends a reply back within one minute later thanking me for my new number. I then ask him about meeting up next week. Tells me no thanks. Then I ask him about whether he wants us to remain as friends? He's reply back is "sure, if you want too".

As soon as I point out - I just want a friendship with him. He ignores me.

Why go from blanking me for months. Then thanking me for my new number. Then refuses to meet up and then ignores me again.

What kind of pathetic immature crap is that??

Gosh I am so pathetic.
toughbird
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#1

Postby &+?=! » Sun Apr 07, 2019 1:15 am

"So I got on with my life. Decided to just move forward"... hmm, that's the spirit, but in fact you texted him for months, after saying that you wouldnt be contacting him again, even when he hadnt been replying to you at all. So that's not really drawing a line is it.

Basically the story is: you had an image (invention) of what you wanted him to be and how it should go. After multiple times when he doesnt meet your expectations or your advances arent reciprocated enough, the normal 30yo reaction is to emotionally back-peddle somewhat or completely call it a day.... 'this isn't what I'm looking for, no point investing any more time/emotion here - you better make some significantly good moves now else nothing more from me, adios'. And stick to it. Instead, YOUR reaction is to moan, to berate him (if only to yourself), to pursue him further and further, and invest EVEN MORE EMOTIONALLY into the situation. You manufacture a melodrama. And the more he backs off from you (from your melodrama), the more you feed that into your melodrama!. The very slightest tidbit of positivity or even politeness in his response to your continual pursuit gets read as some deeply significant act.... giving you the green light to pursue him some more! And note, you pursue someone who *you believe* resents your love for him and holds a grudge against you. Doesn't that last sentence alone make you think "wtf was I doing??". It really should. And you probably do need to get into that more deeply with a professional therapist, as to my mind a 30yo doing this very likely has complicated issues behind it. A 16yo or 18yo behaving as you wrote, and eg telling him one moment that they love him and then the next moment telling him they dont love him (even though that IS what you want to happen), at that age I'd put it down to level of maturity and just learning how to deal with BS in their life. At 30yo, your story reads as something amiss going on.
&+?=!
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