Heroin - f*ck me!

Postby BigBrotherGrimm » Mon Apr 15, 2019 7:12 pm

Totally lost myself about a year ago.
Completely grasped by this opioid crap.
It makes me stay up late and wake up late and unable to perform any task or hobby.
If I don't get my freedom back now I doubt I ever will.
I am scared that I will kill myself if I proceed.
It has been on my mind daily while I am locked up in my heroin bubble moving about like a f***ing zombie.
It has ruined my life... my relationship and my self-respect.
And each time I manage to get off it... after a few days or weeks I jump right back in.
It only takes 30-minutes to ignore my highly motivated plans and ideas to buy a gram and get high for days again.
Why can't I do anything like a normal person.
Right now, I am a 28 year old single-junky living out of his parents attic- annoying the hell out of everyone because they have no idea why I am acting so weird. My dreams and ideas were so alive only 3 months ago.
Now it feels like nothing will ever get me on a straight path, only if that means an early grave.
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#1

Postby Brudenski » Mon Apr 15, 2019 8:19 pm

Man just dig deep for a change. Beating an addiction is not an easy job. whatever the substance is.
You still young and you have a future in front of you.
I v been less then a year in recovery and i still feel like crap.
but you know what when my family and friends look at me now they see me as an inspiration and man that feeling is so good that all you want to do is keep pushing.
Be prepared make a plan just be active and everything will be fine.
Good luck for your journey and see you soon on the other side.

Nb:sorry for my English i am self-taught
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#2

Postby tokeless » Tue Apr 16, 2019 9:42 am

You need to get in treatment with a substitute opioid so you don't have to use to avoid withdrawal. This will enable you to make choices based on your goal. You can either engage in a structured plan or become a recreational junkie.. At the moment you are ambivalent because you have no focus so give in to cravings easily because it allows you to avoid reality and facing your addiction. Get a script then make choices.
Best wishes
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Apr 16, 2019 11:54 pm

BigBrotherGrimm wrote: Want me to say you were right? Want me to feel stupid?


No one has any idea why you are acting so weird you said...

Maybe if you were okay with feeling stupid and acknowledging other people are right, you would not be in your current situation.

Maybe if you went to your parents and instead of hiding from them, because you don’t wish to feel stupid, you could get help. Your parents can offer you a hell of a lot more help than anyone in here.

So yes, swallow your pride. It isn’t doing you any favors. Take a deep breath, walk down from the attic to your parents and let them help you out of the situation you have created.
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#4

Postby BigBrotherGrimm » Fri Apr 19, 2019 10:06 pm

Hey!

Thanks for all your concerns and replies!!
Even though me feeling so bad did not make me feel very decisive in taking this step, I went to NA last Tuesday morning, and have been clean since Sunday, I have already attended over 6 meetings and have shared the situation with my parents and other important loved-ones.
I believe NA will make things waaaaaaay easier for me to prevent me from falling back into using.
Over the years my addiction has worsened slowly until about a year ago and that's when stuff started to fall apart.
I can see the bottom and know that I cannot accept myself to become depressed enough to feel suicidal anymore... because I have worked so hard for years in the past to overcome that problem.
But then I became an addict and it took a turn for the worse.
I am sure, that this is the only option for me! Nothing worked (durable) to keep me from using.
Not therapy, not counseling for addiction..
But now, in NA, there are endless of lovely supporters who work together to keep from relapsing!
Once again! I thank you all for your minding my agony!
I have never felt this good- this soon- after 'quitting' my drug-use! It always takes me a week to bounce back from the heroin sickness.
Enough drinks and enough snorts for me! No thanks! Not today I won't!!
I feel like myself for the first time in a loooong time today!
Also spend time with my best friend today and haven't had so much to laugh about with him also!
Wow!!! Did NOT expect this to be so intense!
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#5

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Apr 19, 2019 10:35 pm

BigBrotherGrimm wrote:...and have shared the situation with my parents and other important loved-ones.


Awesome.
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#6

Postby Candid » Sat Apr 20, 2019 7:36 am

Really good to hear, BBG!
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