2 years weed free, fighting everyday to stay sober

Postby clt » Tue Apr 16, 2019 10:27 pm

So a little back story, I smoked weed all day everyday for the best part of 9 years. After many attempts to quit, I finally quit 2 years ago.

I am proud of myself for getting this far but it has not been easy, more so now than in the beginning. When I first quit I thought I it was much easier than I ever imagined it would be. I can't remember craving or missing it too much. It seemed so much smoother compared to quitting cigaretters. However, 2 months after stopping I started feeling generally unwell and strange. I started having dissociation and very severe brain fog. It didn't happen too much so I didn't think too much until 6 months later when I started having extreme panic attacks, noise sensitivity, migraines, dizziness and mild psychosis. These symptoms I don't think were caused by quitting weed because other changes were going on at the time but I think it could have contributed. The symptoms I was experiencing spiralled out of control and I was thrown into a pit of hell that I've been trying to crawl out of ever since. I started getting chronic migraines, dissociation and strange neurological symptoms. I lost my job and my whole life turned upside down.

Some of the symptoms have calmed down like the panic attacks, dissociation, derealization but I do suffer with chronic pain, anxiety, dissociation and strange neurological symptoms many days in the month. Every treatment I have tried so far has been unsuccessful because of bad side effects. I feel like I am doing better in some ways but still struggling with how much my life has changed and the limitations I face at the young age of 27.

For the last month or two I haven't been able to stop thinking about wanting to go back to the weed 1) to see if it helps with my symptoms and pain and 2) to just get out of my mind and completely forget everything. I'm driving myself a little crazy. I know that one try will lead to me to a 24/7 expensive habit and risk damaging my lungs.

I don't like alcohol, I don't smoke weed, cigarettes or take anything recreationally. I try eat a healthy diet, look after my wellbeing and do many things to try and keep in the straight and narrow but I'm feeling f***ing bored of it all. I need an escape! I just want to get out of my mind.

That's why I wanted to come here for a bit of support, I've been a follower for for many years and know you're all a good bunch. I'm hoping there's some long term quitters that can reassure me that this happens and that it's possible to get through it. I need someone to help me think rationally. I'm on the edge of a cliff about to jump off into the sea of weed! I really don't want to throw 2 years of sobriety down the pan but it's too close for comfort. Any tips, experiences and reassurances are welcome!
clt
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#1

Postby tokeless » Wed Apr 17, 2019 4:32 pm

Hi, you know the answer isn't to smoke again. So, let's imagine getting high... Then what? The symptoms you describe seem common on here but I didn't get any of those but that's me I guess. Why do you think weed could be the answer to the problem? Have you seen a doctor to investigate the symptoms? If not why not? Are you just trying to justify a relapse? Get yourself examined because you already know weed isn't the cure you seek. Don't throw away the progress you've made... For a night of getting high.. Really?
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#2

Postby clt » Wed Apr 17, 2019 4:46 pm

Thanks for the reply.

I think about getting high in hope it will ease some of my chronic pain. However I do know that if I start smoking again I will end up smoking a lot and it may not help.

I guess I was mainly looking for reassurance from a person who's been quit a long time who can tell me that wanting to relapse from time to time is normal. It's the first time in the 2 years I've genuinely been struggling with sobriety and that is probably due to the situation I'm in.

A lot of the questions you areasking a lot of the answers are stated in the post I wrote.

I have got help for my symptoms but like I said nothing has been helping, I've seen many different doctors over the course of the last 2 years and maybe living with chronic symptoms is contributing to the thoughts of relapsing.

I assume from your post that you have quit? How long have you been quit? Have you had thoughts about going back when things got tough? If you have do you have any tips or experiences that got you through it to share?
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#3

Postby tokeless » Wed Apr 17, 2019 5:28 pm

Hi again. I smoked daily, wake and bake when possible or day off etc for 35 years. I quit about 6-7 years ago now but I don't really count, I just don't smoke anymore. Of course when I smell a nice weed on the air I think back, when I see Amsterdam I think back as I spent many, many times there. Would I smoke again? No, why? As I said I've been as high as you can be so what would I get now? The same result. Chronic pain is hard and there are studies that show weed can help but it comes at a cost. I know the type of smoker I am so weekend's, evenings, now and then isn't possible for me... I'm all day from waking but I don't think I used to block, numb etc, I just loved it. I wish you well in finding a solution to your problem but as I said smoking isn't it... Edibles? Problem is, when the cat's out of the bag you'll go back to the way you used, eg smoke.
Hope that helped? Best wishes
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#4

Postby clt » Wed Apr 17, 2019 5:39 pm

Thanks, what you said is helpful. I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. If I could just smoke here and there it would be great but the reality is that probably would never happen & I must keep reminding myself that.

Years ago I quit smoking tobacco, I stopped for 3 years and then one day thought I'd be fine to just have a few pulls but them few pulls gradually led to an all day everyday habit again.

Great job on staying weed free for so long!

In the whole 2 years I've been quit I've never give weed a second thought, I don't even like the smell anymore, I find it so strong so I've been quite shocked by my sudden urges to smoke weed again.

You're right though, smoking isn't the solution, it's just a band aid to the situation but it won't fix it!
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#5

Postby Sherwood1999 » Wed Apr 17, 2019 6:12 pm

sh** man I can relate to some of the things you’re talking about. I dabbed all day everyday for like 3 years and when I quit I got depression for about a month and then started to feel better a little bit by 1 1/2 months, but then outta nowhere I got full blown dp/dr 24/7 and have had it since.

I’m now at 4 1/2 months and still have it but I’m fighting everyday and yes it’s tough but eventually I believe we’ll heal back to 100%.

I got respect for you since you’ve had this for about two years. It’s honestly an inspiration since I’ve been struggling a lot with it lately. I’m lucky that I don’t get with panic attacks with the dpdr tho but I have depression and OCD type stuff so it is it’s own hell.
Pls keep us updated when you start to feel better (because you will eventually) cuz for people like us it would be nice to read a recovery story. Even if it takes years.

Also holy crap I saw that you have been on here since 2010. You’re like an OG on this website lol
Cheers.
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#6

Postby clt » Wed Apr 17, 2019 6:28 pm

Hey Sherwood great job on quitting! The dr/dp is the worst isn't it! Thankfully I can tell you that has got a lot better for me so do hang in there. I dissociate still but nowhere near as intensely and as was doing before.

It's strange how we can be fine then be hit by awful symptoms. I read somewhere on here that it's because weed is fat soluble so it takes a while to fully get out of our system which is why there might be a delay in symptoms.

I keep the hope that things will improve, some days it's easier than others but that's why it's good to get support from here.

I understand what you mean about the depression. I do still have that but I can tell you that has got a lot better compared to how it was.

If you ever want someone to talk to or are struggling with the sober life, drop me a message any time. I honestly don't mind. It helps me too.

Keep it up!

Haha yeah I've been a member a long while now. I love this forum, it's not like any other I know. I've not been on the website for ages though but it's good to check in from time to time. Ironically my first post was when I wrote in venting about wanting to quit weed. Now I'm venting about not wanting to relapse!
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