Having trouble

Postby kayadams86 » Fri Apr 19, 2019 7:58 pm

I have suffered from low self esteem for as long as I remember. I have periods where it is not as big of an issue but it is always there. I started dating my boyfriend in October 2017, and just being around him made me feel better about myself. One day he texts me and tells me he cant stop thinking about sleeping with other women and having the urge to do so. We talked through it and he decided to go to counseling which he did. It came up a couple more times in the next few months, him wanting to be with me but also with other women, and asking if we could open our relationship. I refused and told him to make a choice, which he did, and has since been fully committed to only me and we have had a pretty strong relationship. Last summer I caught him a few times on Instagram liking half naked pictures of models and it really got me down on myself even more and ever since I've struggled with wondering if I am enough for him or if he still craves something more. It has led to trust issues with us, mostly me. I check his phone and dont trust him working with female classmates. We have been to couples counseling and it helped us. We quit going because we thought we were over it but recently it has all come back. I am 8 months pregnant with our son and my self esteem issues have come back full force and begun causing problems for us again. Not only that but two days ago in was blindsided by him again. When we first started dating he asked me to not be friends on social media with anyone I had dated or been intimate with before. This was no problem for me and I deleted those people. The other day I had a weak moment and checked his phone and found Facebook messages from one of his friends, asking him about if he stopped drunk texting other girls since he had a family. I confronted him and find out this girl was an ex girlfriend of his and that he was friends with a few of his exs and people he had friends with benefits relationships with. It really knocked me down and I havent really been able to pick myself back up from it. On top of all this I lost my job a few weeks ago, he is going through a custody battle with his ex wife for their daughter, my ex husband has shown back up unexpectedly and is trying to cause problems. There is just so much going on and this happening on top of it all just has me really down. I don't know what I'm looking for here, but I figured getting all of this out and interacting with others who suffer from low self esteem might help me get past all of this. Thank you for reading that super long post.
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Postby MichaelS » Fri Apr 19, 2019 8:14 pm

Sorry to hear about all the issues going on. If you have a really immediate issue you may want to seek professional help.

As far as your self esteem. I lived the first 18 years of my life mostly down on myself especially when in social situations at school. The thing that dug me out of that hole of self doubt and depression was finding a passion. Not to be cheesy, but finding something that was all mine. I liked watching magic shows, reading about magic history. That interest led to a career I still have. Another example was building remote control trucks. It really benefited no one else except myself. I got the pleasure of building something from a pile of parts.

Anything that interests you that you do purely for yourself will build up your self esteem that you are more than a girlfriend and mother. You are a unique human being. When you explore your own life apart from the issues going on in life you have a safe haven to retreat to for you to find peace and strength.

Reading positive books "Gifts Of Imperfection" by Brene Brown is a good one finding friends or making new ones who are positive. My number one suggestion for what got me out of despair was in attaching onto something that interested me and getting involved with others who had that same interest.

Doesn't have to be a deep passion, just a simple curiosity about a subject or certain thing and exploring it. Enjoy each experience of life and learn that you can control what you experience no matter what others do around you.

Again sorry for your tough situation. Hope these thoughts help inspire you and I am sending good thoughts your way! I know you have a lot more to offer than being a mom or girlfriend you are a person first. :)
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