Guilt over childhood mistake.

Postby annonymous9319 » Tue Apr 23, 2019 5:15 pm

I’m a 26 year old female and I suffer from sever anxiety but something from my past has worried me so much the last 2 years it’s taking over my life. I understand that children experiment sexually when they’re young and I know it’s common but when I was 10/11 I dry humped my mothers friends son who was 7 and he showed me his privates but I never touched him we were both clothed and it only happened once and for a few seconds but I feel like a monster and don’t know why I did it. I also did the same to my 3/4 year old cousin when I was around the same age and again never touched him or anything. I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy and feel like an awful person or that I am an abuser. If I could go back and not do it I would. I felt regret from around 14 and have worried on and off ever since. I feel like it’s going to come to surface and I will ruin not only mine but my families lives and that I’ve destroyed the two people involved lives too. I’ve spoken to my mother who is very understanding and she tells me I’m not a bad person I just don’t believe it. I’m distraught.
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#1

Postby annonymous9319 » Tue Apr 23, 2019 8:52 pm

Anyone??
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#2

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Apr 24, 2019 1:59 am

annonymous9319 wrote:Anyone??


Answer shopping isn’t helpful. It is a problem with the Internet Age.

There are only two possibilities in this forum. One, you will receive similar advice as your mother gave. This will do nothing, given you don’t wish to believe your mother. If you believe you are not a bad person then life becomes tough again. Maybe you need to actually step up and be productive...after all, that is what a good person would do.

Or two, someone will be a troll and willing to provide you with the answer you are shopping for. They will indulge this reverse victim narrative that helps justify your “bad person” identity you wish to adopt. This allows you to then comfortable avoid taking on anything remotely challenging in life. It gives you an out anytime things get a bit tough. You just say, “Well, I’m a bad person, that was confirmed by XYZ troll on the Internet, so I don’t deserve success.”

Go seek professional counseling. Explore the reasons you wish to be labeled “bad”. My guess is that you feel pressure and subconsciously it is the path of least resistance for you. Note, I said subconsciously, as in it is not something you recognize. But it is evident given your rejection of your mothers advice.
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#3

Postby annonymous9319 » Wed Apr 24, 2019 7:26 am

Thank you for your reply I appreciate. You are right I am looking for answers I just wanted to know if what I had done was as bad as I thought it to be and maybe a strangers input rather than my mother who may be bias would be helpful in helping me come to a conclusion about it that could help me finally move on from it or learn from it. I will definitely look into professional help as I need that for my anxiety alone. Just struggling with this a lot at the moment.
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