Depressed but I don't think I should be

Postby joe1234 » Sat Apr 27, 2019 3:02 am

First post and just need to vent/express myself. I'm a recent college grad from a top 20 university, got a job in private equity straight out of college and was promoted 3 months into the job. I have a family that loves me and visits occasionally, since I have moved 11 hrs away (it's been a year). I even have a few friends in the area. Sounds like a good situation, right? I should be happy and I know it. But for whatever reason, I'm not.

I often feel depressed, though not suicidal, and it's been affecting my ability to get things done both in my personal life and my job. I can't concentrate and I often lack motivation - I keep getting the feeling that none of it matters, that I'm wasting my time. I'm always afraid that someone might notice this or think that I'm lazy/incompetent, even though all of the feedback I've gotten is positive.

I have some issues making new connections, particularly with coworkers. I don't "click" with the two coworkers that are within 10 years of my age and feel intimidated by some of the higher-ups in the firm. It's a small firm (15 including me) so this is a problem. I'm a quiet person by nature and get flustered easily, even when I know exactly what I'm talking about.

I've had a problem all my life with being extremely self-conscious and hyper-critical. I believe this is the root problem, but I can't seem to shake it. It's had a huge impact in my life. I've always heard that people sense when you don't like yourself and I think that's the case with me. I don't have a large number of friends (6 that I'm close enough to call on the phone, maybe 10 total) and don't have any "significant other" in my life. In fact, I've never officially had a girlfriend... I've had a few girls interested, but I was too dense at the time to pick up on that fact until it was too late. I've had times when I have a memory and realized what I'd missed before, or re-read a note and picked up on clues. I was a very naive teenager and a bit of a geek, which in my self image excluded me from consideration, so I was too afraid to try.

Finally, I've always had a problem over-analyzing everything that I say. I'll often go over conversations I've had in my head and beat myself up for saying something. I've even beat myself up for something that I didn't say or even think at the time of the conversation, but thought of afterwards. Am I certifiably insane? Sometimes, I'm not so sure... In my mind, I'm a blithering idiot.

Any insights? Are my ramblings decipherable? Has anyone had a similar experience? Thanks in advance.
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Postby JENNY23 » Sat Apr 27, 2019 10:31 am

YES YES YES! everything you have said, I could have written myself...not exactly giving you "help" but having/had same experiences as yourself.
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Postby demonbluess » Tue Apr 30, 2019 2:16 am

Hey man. I struggle with something similar. I
know I have a very good life, but sometimes feel empty.

I've learned it helps to take your "pulse" occasionally. Check in with yourself. Ask yourself how you're doing. From the sound of your post it looks like you're already taking that step.

Take some time to mediate. Remind yourself of the blessings you have. Focus on a goal. It will help district you from the over analysis.

You've got the tools. Positive vibes.
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Postby Patmentoring » Fri May 03, 2019 6:10 pm

Ok so first of all, This nervousness comes from social conditioning. You’re not a quite person by nature, you could be an introvert but nobody is quiet by nature. You’ll have to get to the root cause of it. What conditioned you into being quiet when you where young? Maybe your teacher shouted at you, maybe your friend told you to “shut the **** up” or it could be your parents. A socially conditioned mind has two parts, the ego and the “unacceptable”. Everything you do passes through the “unacceptable” filter and then turns into action. Its this fear, you can’t explain what you’re scared of, you just are. You have a feeling like something terrible is about to happen although there is no real threat. Look, this job, your school, your fashion sense, fitness and whatever else you’re working on is trying to compensate on your “unacceptable” side and as a result your ego grows. Whatever you do to get rid of it, strengthens it. You need to realise that you’re enough by default. Since you were born, you were worthy of everything. Don’t hate your old self. You could also be depressed because of the expectation that’ll you’ll be happier when you “make it”. The thing is that happiness doesn’t come from anything exterior, the exterior is just stimulation. Happiness comes from within, from being present with the now, from accepting your situation and surrendering to it, embracing that you feel sh**, owning your depression. You see everyone is addicted to emotions, track them on a daily basis. What emotions are you addicted to? If you have any glimpses of happiness, track your thoughts, what thoughts do you have when you’re happy? And then repeat those thoughts when you’re sad. This working similar to NLP Anchoring. Meditation is the best sh** for this. Be self-disciplined, the more disciplined you are the happier you’ll be meaning, take cold showers, workout, don’t procrastinate. You’ll train discipline like a muscle and just watch your happiness levels rise.

Look for me on Instagram for more! @patmentoring! Much love ❤️
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Postby hojoos » Fri May 03, 2019 6:20 pm

How to get rid of insomnia?
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Postby Patmentoring » Fri May 03, 2019 6:31 pm

hojoos wrote:How to get rid of insomnia?

No phone, tv or any electrical divice for atleast 2 hours before sleep.
Block out any lights from your room, windows, any lights, cracks inbetween the door. Literally everything
When you sleep put on eye covers, and play either deep sleep hypnosis or white noise. You might sleep for a good 15 hours for the first few days.
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Postby James_Lee » Fri May 03, 2019 9:11 pm

Depression is not something that can usually be controlled, neither is it something that singles out the unlucky ones. You should look at depression the same way you look at cold
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Postby Patmentoring » Sat May 04, 2019 10:23 am

Sorry but that’s wrong. That’s a victim mentality, So you say that none of your actions affect your happiness levels? That depression just apeared out of no where and you can’t do nothing about it? People that have depression are identified with their mind, they believe that what the mind says is them saying it. Most depressed people are not self-disciplined, have no purpose, don’t have good habits and they don’t take responsibility for their life. Everything you have right now, everything that you feel right now and everything that you experience is a direct result of what you’ve been doing. You can get out of depression, but not with this mindset
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Postby Candid » Sat May 04, 2019 11:55 am

Patmentoring wrote:People that have depression are identified with their mind, they believe that what the mind says is them saying it.

Who else could be saying it, even in schizophrenics?
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Postby Patmentoring » Sat May 04, 2019 1:58 pm

I don’t know about schizophrenics, although I’ll learn about them soon so I might come back to that. However in normal people, 90% of our thoughts are biological drives (eating, drinking etc), social conditioning and thoughts that we’re addicted to so in conclusion these aren’t even our thoughts especially when it comes to social conditioning. I dare you to track your thoughts, emotions and your RAS (Reticular acivation system) and you’ll be suprised how many times you’re reliving the same day. If you want to go really deep on this topic read the book The power of now by Ekhart Tolle
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