Childhood memories haunt me and I feel guilt

#45

Postby James_Lee » Tue May 07, 2019 5:25 am

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
James_Lee wrote: I would gladly go to prison and not try to cover up what I did.


So again, for the 3rd time, go to a police station and turn yourself in for your crimes.


Richard, that could be very damaging to me psychologically. The pain over these experiences comes from being uncertain. I have no idea how the police will react, or how will it feel for others. It seems like a really rash thing to do. But what I am saying is this, I have no intention of covering it up. Neither do I wish for it to quietly go away
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#46

Postby tokeless » Tue May 07, 2019 7:24 am

I see you've completely ignored your own words that I pointed out in my last post. So, I'm done with this now. The future's yours
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#47

Postby Candid » Tue May 07, 2019 8:46 am

James_Lee wrote:I have no idea how the police will react...


I have. When they hear how old you were at the time, they'll tell you not to waste police time.

I have no intention of covering it up. Neither do I wish for it to quietly go away


Then I guess you have to go through with what's now been suggested five times.
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#48

Postby James_Lee » Tue May 07, 2019 5:03 pm

Candid wrote:
James_Lee wrote:I have no idea how the police will react...


I have. When they hear how old you were at the time, they'll tell you not to waste police time.

I have no intention of covering it up. Neither do I wish for it to quietly go away


Then I guess you have to go through with what's now been suggested five times.


Do you think I qualify as evil? Am I bad?
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#49

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue May 07, 2019 5:36 pm

James_Lee wrote:Do you think I qualify as evil? Am I bad?


This is trolling. It has been answered repeatedly by multiple members in multiple ways.

I am placing you on my ignore list.

Good luck to you.
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#50

Postby James_Lee » Tue May 07, 2019 5:54 pm

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
James_Lee wrote:Do you think I qualify as evil? Am I bad?


This is trolling. It has been answered repeatedly by multiple members in multiple ways.

I am placing you on my ignore list.

Good luck to you.


Oops. I did not mean to do this. I apologize
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#51

Postby James_Lee » Sun May 12, 2019 2:04 am

I still feel unable to shake these feelings of disgust and guilt. I think part of it may have to do with me converting to Roman Catholicism recently (I know religion should not be discussed here, just a brief mention). All the abuse allegations sort of hit too close to home for me. And I always feel guilty for some reason. My biggest concern is not guilt. It is this idea that maybe, my guilt is justified.
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#52

Postby Candid » Sun May 12, 2019 6:45 am

Yep, sounds like it. Now what?
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#53

Postby James_Lee » Sun May 12, 2019 8:47 pm

Candid wrote:Yep, sounds like it. Now what?


I do not know what is next. The good news is that I think the 2 girls (close to my age), do not seem to be scarred, and it seemed like they even were making fun of the situation. But the first case does bother me. I think I will need to consult a very experienced psychologist who deals with sex abuse cases to discuss the situation and see if my behavior is either common or normal. I think some variations of such are considered normal in certain cases, but I do not know about the specifics
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#54

Postby James_Lee » Fri May 17, 2019 1:12 am

Is there anyone in here who specializes on these sort of things? Does anyone have any statistics on how common this sort of behavior is? What are the boundaries?
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#55

Postby Candid » Fri May 17, 2019 2:46 pm

James_Lee wrote:Is there anyone in here who specializes on these sort of things? Does anyone have any statistics on how common this sort of behavior is? What are the boundaries?


As mentioned before, I work in a sexual assault agency and I think I've heard it all. However, I see things from the other side, including people (of both genders) who were molested as children by people old enough to know better, and without consent.

I can't claim to be up with people who were involved in sexual play with other children, but posts here suggest it's common.

Boundaries? From what you've said, you didn't cross any. Also as mentioned before, the only issue is consent.
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#56

Postby James_Lee » Sun May 19, 2019 5:10 am

Candid wrote:
James_Lee wrote:Is there anyone in here who specializes on these sort of things? Does anyone have any statistics on how common this sort of behavior is? What are the boundaries?


As mentioned before, I work in a sexual assault agency and I think I've heard it all. However, I see things from the other side, including people (of both genders) who were molested as children by people old enough to know better, and without consent.

I can't claim to be up with people who were involved in sexual play with other children, but posts here suggest it's common.

Boundaries? From what you've said, you didn't cross any. Also as mentioned before, the only issue is consent.


What do you do exactly? Do you work for law enforcement? Are you a psychologist? Do you regularly deal with sexual abuse or child sexual abuse?
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#57

Postby Candid » Sun May 19, 2019 11:45 am

I've worked in women's services for about 25 years, started off counselling women in domestic violence situations, then moved to sexual assault. Naturally the two fields cross over.

I'm not in law enforcement but often I accompanied women to the Magistrates Court for the hearing of applications for restraining orders -- because the violent partner had to be there to hear the verdict. When it came to sexual violence I had an office in the police station. My referrals came from the police, so I saw only those clients who had reported recent rape and intended to go to court. Most reports are immediately dismissed because the only evidence is the victim's testimony. Sad but true. These are the people (mostly female, but a surprising number of males) who show up in counsellor's offices.

I am not a psychologist. I qualified as a counsellor/therapist in the late 90s although I originally trained as a journalist. Therefore I've had a mixed career and have moved around a lot doing what feels right at the time. My last gig in a newspaper office was eight years ago.

These days I'm a volunteer in a national sexual assault agency. You might say I'm burned out, due to a number of factors. I work when I want to work, chiefly inputting data about sexual assaults whether recent or historic. Clients are referred because they're distressed by something that's happened to them. There are separate counsellors for children (under 7), young people (under 18), and adults. Sometimes it's a one-off, for others there were regular assaults over a period of years. The assaults are categorised: rape, assault with penetration, other sexual assault. I no longer have any contact with perpetrators.

It's interesting to me what's classified as sexual assault and what isn't. In my earlier years men have exposed themselves to me in public places, grabbed my breasts, rubbed up against me in crowded public transport, and other stuff I consider minor and which I assume happens to most women. I see these come in as "other sexual assault". Some cases are more disturbing than others. Some people's histories are frankly horrific.

So that's me, and candidly it has no relevance to you. You have not coerced anyone into unwanted sexual activity and more to the point, you haven't said that any one of these three girls has shown the least distress about what happened back there. Perhaps you believe males are always the aggressors and women have no sexual desire, because what you describe sounds like harmless fun in which the girls were as aroused as you were. Your persistence on this thread strongly suggests a form of OCD for which you should see a counsellor.
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#58

Postby James_Lee » Sun May 19, 2019 9:22 pm

Thank you Candid. I did not mean to be nosy. Just was wondering about your qualifications. As I explained, I am not sure that all the girls were aroused. As I mentioned in the first, case, I was 13 and no older than 16. I did not even know women could be aroused, what was normal sexual behavior, penetration etc. I simply never had the knowledge of any of this. You are very helpful in the subject. Thanks
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#59

Postby Demerise831 » Tue May 21, 2019 9:34 pm

I’d like to get in touch with you. I think I could be of help.
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