Childhood memories haunt me and I feel guilt

#15

Postby tokeless » Sun May 05, 2019 5:44 am

But I feel that these guilt feelings do not have any one-way solutions.

And so the wheel turns full circle... Do you actually want an answer? I'm not so sure.
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#16

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun May 05, 2019 6:18 am

James_Lee wrote:You guys have obviously reassured me... But I feel...


My point exactly. No matter what advice or how many times it is provided you already have a BUT prepared.

Given your current mindset, you are not actually seeking a positive outcome. Subconsciously you are sabotaging yourself. The reasons for self sabotage are numerous.

Unfortunately, in this forum I have never seen a case of self sabotage come to a fruitful resolution. It is always a series of responses to the effect of BUT, BUT, BUT that never ends.

My best guess is that online forums are not a good place for a self saboteur to get help. In fact, online forums can be counterproductive. Instead of having a single voice, a therapist, to focus on breaking down and channeling the BUT, BUT, BUT responses into a resolvable issue, the poster gets multiple advisors that allows the poster to pick and choose. The poster gets to “fish” for whatever allows the next BUT.

Moving forward, my advice is to seek a single therapist to deal with your self sabotage. An online forum is not a good substitute, even if you do not have access to such services. You need a single voice to channel your opposition to every BUT you repeatedly offer.

Truly, I wish you the best. For all the benefits of technology and online forums, there are unfortunately the downsides, e.g. cases of self sabotage.
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#17

Postby Patmentoring » Sun May 05, 2019 12:41 pm

My favourite universal principle meaning it applies everywhere states “What you focus on, expands”
If you’re going to keep on focusing on you being a potential abuser a self-fulfilling prophecy will happen and you’ll will become that absuser. Instead of worrying about being one, think about how amazing you would feel if you weren’t one. Think about how amazing you would feel if you’ve weren’t worried.
You also have to surrender to what you’re feeling right now, fully accept your worries, embrace them even. Meditate and focus on your emotions, no thoughts, just what you’re feeling right now and after you meditate do exactly this :

Stand in front of a mirror, put your hand on your heart and say:

“My past doesn’t reflect my future, everyday I’m a better version of myself”

And then touch your head and say:

“I have a bright future”


This is a declaration, do it ateast once a day and observe your life change. You need to learn to get let go of emotional trauma.





Check my Instagram @patmentoring! Much love ❤️
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#18

Postby James_Lee » Sun May 05, 2019 5:58 pm

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
James_Lee wrote:You guys have obviously reassured me... But I feel...


My point exactly. No matter what advice or how many times it is provided you already have a BUT prepared.

Given your current mindset, you are not actually seeking a positive outcome. Subconsciously you are sabotaging yourself. The reasons for self sabotage are numerous.

Unfortunately, in this forum I have never seen a case of self sabotage come to a fruitful resolution. It is always a series of responses to the effect of BUT, BUT, BUT that never ends.

My best guess is that online forums are not a good place for a self saboteur to get help. In fact, online forums can be counterproductive. Instead of having a single voice, a therapist, to focus on breaking down and channeling the BUT, BUT, BUT responses into a resolvable issue, the poster gets multiple advisors that allows the poster to pick and choose. The poster gets to “fish” for whatever allows the next BUT.

Moving forward, my advice is to seek a single therapist to deal with your self sabotage. An online forum is not a good substitute, even if you do not have access to such services. You need a single voice to channel your opposition to every BUT you repeatedly offer.

Truly, I wish you the best. For all the benefits of technology and online forums, there are unfortunately the downsides, e.g. cases of self sabotage.


My problem ultimately is this, how do I "know" that I am not an abuser? How do I distinguish between actually not being an abuser from wishful thinking or minimization of what I did? How can I know I am not just an abuser seeking to feel less guilty?
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#19

Postby Patmentoring » Sun May 05, 2019 6:25 pm

[quote\]My problem ultimately is this, how do I "know" that I am not an abuser? How do I distinguish between actually not being an abuser from wishful thinking or minimization of what I did? How can I know I am not just an abuser seeking to feel less guilty?[/quote]


You haven’t raped anyone, you’d castrate yourself if you were + you had no intention to do anything
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#20

Postby Candid » Sun May 05, 2019 10:04 pm

James_Lee wrote:I feel that these guilt feelings do not have any one-way solutions


Sir, you are a troll.
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#21

Postby James_Lee » Sun May 05, 2019 10:19 pm

Candid wrote:
James_Lee wrote:I feel that these guilt feelings do not have any one-way solutions


Sir, you are a troll.


Why would you say that? I am not a troll
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#22

Postby Candid » Sun May 05, 2019 10:26 pm

James_Lee wrote:Some days I wish I could go back in life. Not to change anything, but to feel a few things twice.
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#23

Postby James_Lee » Sun May 05, 2019 10:28 pm

Candid wrote:
James_Lee wrote:Some days I wish I could go back in life. Not to change anything, but to feel a few things twice.


What are you trying to say? That is not my saying, that is just a random quote I used as a signature. Why does that make me a troll?
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#24

Postby Candid » Sun May 05, 2019 10:38 pm

It would seem a particularly inflammatory one, given the nature of your agonising in this thread.
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#25

Postby James_Lee » Sun May 05, 2019 10:44 pm

Candid wrote:It would seem a particularly inflammatory one, given the nature of your agonising in this thread.


No. I have panic problems, and serious guilt. The quote simply expresses sentimentalism and nostalgia. Besides, why do signatures matter? Aren't they just for fun? I am a bit new here, so I do not know. But needless to say, I am not joking. I have serious problems, and have had for a while now
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#26

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun May 05, 2019 10:48 pm

James_Lee wrote:My problem ultimately is this, how do I "know" that I am not an abuser?


You do understand what the -er on the end of abuser means.

There is an extremely easy fix. You don’t get to decide. Society decides whether you are an abuser.

A person literally can kill another person, i.e. a killer and the -er means society decides, not you whether or not the killing was a bad thing. You can literally murder someone and society decides. Abuse? Again, not your choice.

Winner
Loser
Cheater
Soldier
Lawyer
Player
Singer
Writer
Painter
Abuser

How do you “know” you are any of the above -er? SOCIETY SAYS SO.

You can play the game if you like, many people do, labeling themselves an -er as society disagrees. They think they are a singer and go on American Idol, the audience decides. That’s life. Or sometimes a person thinks they are not an -er. They say, “I’m not a murderer,” yet the rules of society dictates what they are.

As stated above, your case is extremely easy. At 19 the statute of limitations is not up. Head directly to the nearest police station and try to turn yourself in for your “abuse”. See what society has to say about it.

I was a police officer, I have seen abuse, I know the law. As an offic-er, which I knew I was because society deemed it so, I know the laws related to abuse. Candid has already explained her background.

Everyone....every single person has clearly stated you are off base. Society has told you time an again you are not qualified to be the -er you wish to label yourself. If you went on the American idol version for abusers, you would get laughed off stage. Yet, I encourage you to head over to the police station. Try to turn yourself in. Then you will “know”.

Even then, when the police tell you to leave and stop wasting their time, you will think you do not “know” because for some reason you don’t understand how -er works in the world.
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#27

Postby Candid » Sun May 05, 2019 10:53 pm

I have panic problems, and serious guilt.


Yet you don't want to change anything about your past; in fact you want to feel a few girls -- sorry, things -- twice.

Pull the other one, Jason.
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#28

Postby James_Lee » Sun May 05, 2019 11:06 pm

Candid wrote:
I have panic problems, and serious guilt.


Yet you don't want to change anything about your past; in fact you want to feel a few girls -- sorry, things -- twice.

Pull the other one, Jason.


What are you talking about? Can you please, stop triggering me. I am NOT an abuser. I do NOT want to feel anyone. Please, explain yourself. You were so reassuring at first. Why are you saying all this? Who is Jason? Please, explain what is happening.
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#29

Postby James_Lee » Sun May 05, 2019 11:09 pm

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
James_Lee wrote:My problem ultimately is this, how do I "know" that I am not an abuser?


You do understand what the -er on the end of abuser means.

There is an extremely easy fix. You don’t get to decide. Society decides whether you are an abuser.

A person literally can kill another person, i.e. a killer and the -er means society decides, not you whether or not the killing was a bad thing. You can literally murder someone and society decides. Abuse? Again, not your choice.

Winner
Loser
Cheater
Soldier
Lawyer
Player
Singer
Writer
Painter
Abuser

How do you “know” you are any of the above -er? SOCIETY SAYS SO.

You can play the game if you like, many people do, labeling themselves an -er as society disagrees. They think they are a singer and go on American Idol, the audience decides. That’s life. Or sometimes a person thinks they are not an -er. They say, “I’m not a murderer,” yet the rules of society dictates what they are.

As stated above, your case is extremely easy. At 19 the statute of limitations is not up. Head directly to the nearest police station and try to turn yourself in for your “abuse”. See what society has to say about it.

I was a police officer, I have seen abuse, I know the law. As an offic-er, which I knew I was because society deemed it so, I know the laws related to abuse. Candid has already explained her background.

Everyone....every single person has clearly stated you are off base. Society has told you time an again you are not qualified to be the -er you wish to label yourself. If you went on the American idol version for abusers, you would get laughed off stage. Yet, I encourage you to head over to the police station. Try to turn yourself in. Then you will “know”.

Even then, when the police tell you to leave and stop wasting their time, you will think you do not “know” because for some reason you don’t understand how -er works in the world.


So, you are saying that I am an abuser only when society decides I am? What about my personal feelings? What about my guilt? What about my mental health?
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