Goodbye

Postby Charly » Sun Apr 28, 2019 1:07 pm

Hello my name is Charly,

I write this message like a message in a bottle.

I'm 35 and I will stop to live today. With this message, I hope just to leave a track somewhere of my passage on this earth.
I'm not depressive, I'm an happy woman, I love live, I love life, it just became too difficult to do it alone.
I never had a family, my health was always bad and I never can't work to have a little bit money to feel not anxious about tomorrow.
I tried, I really tried! I fight against events, I found a good therapist, I kept hoping but hope is a poison.
Because of hope I was married 2 times and 2 times it was toxic relationship.
Because of hope, I believed.
Because of hope, I was strength, nice, polite, I tried to be the best of myself for the others.
I tried to do the best for myself, I took care of me.

But it has something that I didn't understand because my endeavors stayed without results.
I just hope to have someone to love, someone who loves me.
Where is the interest when we have no one to share the good moments?
How life could be important when we are totally alone all the time?
Few years ago, I had friends. I decided to walk with God and I found a good Church. All the people were nice, progressively they became like a family for me. I believed we were very close until they learned about my toxic relationship. They disappeared like a cloud of smoke. They were in love with my" Dirty John".
I realized all the links that I have with the others are paper’s links.
It stayed me some friends but I know I can't count on them for support or for to take time to listen to me or just for give me a hand five minutes, the time for my tears. They only have time to tell me" you should "you have to"...
But how they can to know what I live without to take time to listen to me?

So, now when I wake up all mornings, I see a comfortable house with a nice backyard in a pretty town but no one to share all this.
I feel very lonely, it has a hole in my heart and in my life big like a volcano, with a hell's fire on the bottom.

When I laugh I'm alone, when I'm happy I'm alone, when I love something I'm alone. Except doctors, nobody touched me softly, tenderly,sweetness for several years.
It's done for me, I don't have strength to continue like that. It missed me to have strength, for to continue, just one hug per day. Just one.
Hope is a poison, I can't hope again to be disappointed again. I prefer to stop now.
If I did something bad to someone, I'm very sorry.
It’s become difficult to take breath.
It was my last words.
I'm ready.
Goodbye
Charly
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#1

Postby Candid » Sun Apr 28, 2019 1:17 pm

Charly wrote:But how they can to know what I live without to take time to listen to me?


There are plenty of people who would be happy to listen to you, Charly. You'll probably have either to wait or to pay, but there are many, many people whose lives involve listening to troubled people.

I'm sorry for whatever's happened to you but I'm not going to try to talk you out of it. The only real power any one of us has is the capacity to make our own choices, and I respect your right to make yours.
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#2

Postby James_Lee » Sun Apr 28, 2019 4:39 pm

I am sorry for what is happening in your life. Things are never as bad as they seem. Always dark before dawn
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