1.5 years clean update

[BullFrog]

How you feeling Robb? Still feeling pretty much healed? Haven't experienced any delayed waves of PAWS? Please drop us a line to let us know. I feel like if you can make it 60-90 days of virtual PAWS free then you are cured. I don't think I have read any stories from anyone who went 3 months and then had a wave of PAWS. Most seem to be PAWS free after 60 days of being symptom free.

[ashthewarrior7]

I would wait 6 months instead of 3

[Robb1e_g]

Hey what’s up BullFrog, I’m actually feeling pretty great! As you know I’ve actually tried weed twice again to see if what I was experiencing was indeed from weed and I’ve found out that that is the case. It brought me lots of relief because I was hoping it wasn’t just in my head. So after the first time of smoking the withdrawals barely came back just for a little but the panic attack during the smoking was completely awful. I was easily able to recover from it, and then I tried it one last time and the same thing happened but the withdrawals came back worse which took me a couple weeks to re-recover from. I felt it was completely necessary for me to do this not because I wanted to but because it helped me get over the fear of weed that I developed after first quitting and it gave me the answer I was looking for as to what was causing the awful mental and emotional pain I was suffering for so long. But the more time goes on the better it gets, it’s starting to become more of a thing I can look back on and be glad I went through it and I learned and grew SO much from this. All who are going through this are doing so for a reason. And I am now reaping the benefits of the hardest time of my life. From not wanting to live for about 9 months straight to having a new appreciation and love of life and God and the importance and purpose of life is overwhelming at times in a food way for me. I’ve realized that some of the symptoms I experienced during PAWS were just normal thoughts and emotions but they were just magnified extremely. I realized that I actually have always had some anxieties and fears and thoughts but PAWS didn’t let me think clearly or rationally. I would think in circles and I was pessimistic and I had a sense of despair and meaninglessness. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. But now I am okay, and happy and grateful and I love life. I’m coming back to my old self everyday and I no longer really experience PAWS. I believe I was ever so slightly set back from those two times trying it again but it was so worth it for me and I hope it’s verification to you guys to never touch it again and to know that that is for sure the thing that is causing such harsh withdrawals and emotional pain and numbness. Weed is not meant for anyone and should only be taken in certain circumstances for those who need it, not to be abused daily to escape the entirety of life itself. I feel much happier and I have a better sense of self now. I feel that doing this to my brain while only being 18 at the time was harmful, but I’m 20 now and I guess not technically 1 year and 7 months clean but I will still say so because I have no cravings or desire to smoke. It was for closure in my own head. And I realized that taking control of your mindset every second of the day while going through PAWS is crucial to recovery. Start developing your worldview, start finding yourself, and start loving yourself and others even in hard times and you will come out on top. I know it sucks more than anything but you will get through it, but don’t rush it. Time and God will heal. Maybe a couple times a week I’ll see something on tv or the internet about something sad or depressing and I’ll start to get upset in my head but I make sure to stop and turn it around and fix my mind again, so there’s still a few things I’m working on, but you never stop working on yourself so start now. Good luck guys trust me, you’ll be alright my guys

[ashthewarrior7]

Hey Robb1e_g,

You sound so much mature than you first came here and no where close to a 20 year old. Keep staying strong and I find the information you gave here extremely valuable.

I have a question though,
How many days after your last smoke did PAWS hit you again? Was it the next day or did it take a few days?

[Robb1e_g]

Hey @ashthewarrior7
I really appreciate the nice feedback, I believe this process really forced me to mature quick, which I don’t mind.
As to your question, it took a day or two for me to feel it, after a day or two I woke up to work and I was wet clumsy and then the next day the despair and anxiety kicked in again, but it only took me about a week or so to get just about back to where I am now