Help with paws

Postby Isitpaws » Sun Apr 28, 2019 10:42 pm

Hi everyone

Really struggling with what I think is paws but more worried I actually have a mental illness.

I first started smoking when I was 15 but turned into a all day everyday thing around the age of 20 so for around 14 years my life I’ve been constantly stoned.

This isn’t my first time quitting as I tried back in 2013 but relapsed five months in. I was unaware of paws and thought I was going mental. My second quit was on July 21 2018 as me and my girlfriend have just had twins so thought I would stop again.

The first month or two into my quit I was so happy and relieved not to be habitually smoking everyday then I started to be worried by anything and everything, daily tasks at home and work were become impossible without me constantly worrying about what I did and did I do it wrong it’s like a general anxiety, eventually I started feeling very low and depressed for a week or two till I tried cbd oil which helped a bit but still not feeling great.

Around Xmas I become so frustrated that I had a few puffs of a spliff to relieve this anxiety it worked for a few hours but the next day was back to feeling crap again.

I’m wondering if this is paws or I am actually suffering from GAD and the weed actually helped me suppress it.

A list of my symptoms some physical but mostly mental

Anxiety
OCD reoccurring negative thoughts.
Suicidal thoughts
Low mood
Constant cravings to smoke again

Weight gained
Gingivitis

I’ve been reading posts on this forum since about February and it’s giving me hope that it is paws but I’m just worried I’m going to be like this without weed.

Sorry for the long post I hope someone can relate to how I’m feeling
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#1

Postby imondayXX » Mon Apr 29, 2019 6:44 am

All sounds pretty normal. How long have you been sober for?

Keep you head up, you're on the right path!
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#2

Postby Isitpaws » Mon Apr 29, 2019 11:13 am

Thanks for reply haven’t had anything since Christmas where had a few puffs of a spliff and haven’t smoked all day everyday since July last year.

I wondering if cbd oil resets the brain the paws wasn’t as bad when using it although still not great. It’s the constant reoccurring thoughts and negativity that’s getting me down
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#3

Postby imondayXX » Mon Apr 29, 2019 4:26 pm

I'm not sure how the CBD oil effects the PAWS. I'm currently shooting for 8 months sober (and then continue), but from what I've read on here, obviously everyone is different, but most people see a big difference around the 8 month point. For 4 months in I think your symptoms are normal.
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#4

Postby Isitpaws » Mon Apr 29, 2019 6:51 pm

Yeah I’m hoping it is just paws and it eventually goes away as everyday is a struggle and at the moment having no good days at all.

How are you feeling at 8 months? I’ve been reading a few posts from people who smoked much longer than me and recovered and it gives me some inspiration but just can’t help feeling like this is how I’m going to be forever.
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#5

Postby BullFrog » Mon Apr 29, 2019 6:56 pm

You are experiencing PAWS. You took weed for a long time and started early in your life. What you are experiencing is normal but I would stay away from CBD and any all other substances if you can. Everyone's journey is different and we each of a timeline that is catered to us. The worse I have ever heard was a guy experiencing EXTREME PAWS for almost 3 years and then...gone. He recovered and is 100% better. And that dude didn't just take weed but other harder drugs. (I myself took weed for 3 weeks, overdosed with a panic attack, recovered after 11 days and then tried again 3 months later over the span of one week and have experienced side effects for over a year - so everyone is different!).

Anyway, all to say, read up on the stories in this forum and know that abstinence, lots of time, exercise, positive thinking, living life with purpose, and aiming to learn new things/skills is the key to full long term recovery.

Fight on!
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#6

Postby Isitpaws » Mon Apr 29, 2019 8:53 pm

Thank you for your reply it gives me hope that this ain’t forever. It’s weird how I was fine for two months and was doing things that I liked doing to now where I’m scared of doing anything because of the negative thoughts I’m having, trying to think positive just aint happening atm

I’m struggling to excerise due to shift work and the twins taking a lot of my time up.

The thing is i actually liked weed and being high but thought I was wasting my money when could be spending on the twins.

Been reading lots of posts on here and very glad I found this forum it has been very informative I’m was just worried it isnt paws and I’ll never be normal again but that seems to be the case with a lot of others. Hopefully it will make me a stronger person once I get through this battle
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#7

Postby exstonerinhell » Mon Apr 29, 2019 9:21 pm

Really struggling with what I think is paws but more worried I actually have a mental illness.


Have you talked to a psychiatrist/therapist/doctor about your concerns? If you haven't I would seek out one of those who specializes in addictive medicine. You'll most likely find, that after talking with them everything you're going through is completely normal. Now, you can get those reassurances through the boards here, but no one knows your real story. I'm not trying to freak you out by saying you DO have some kind of mental illness, because I don't think you do, I think what you're going through is totally normal. But I'm not a professional, all I have to go on is my own journey in all of this.

Based on my own experience, you don't have a mental illness. What you have is a brain that's used to receiving a certain quantity of chemicals that you've deprived it of, and it's pushing back at you which is sending your mind through a roller coaster of bad feelings.

The first month or two into my quit I was so happy and relieved not to be habitually smoking everyday then I started to be worried by anything and everything, daily tasks at home and work were become impossible without me constantly worrying about what I did and did I do it wrong it’s like a general anxiety, eventually I started feeling very low and depressed for a week or two till I tried cbd oil which helped a bit but still not feeling great.


That is super common. THC is fat soluble, so you have a pretty hefty store of it when you stop. That's why, I believe, so many people who quit for a short time say it's easy. It's easy for them because they only stop for a few weeks, not giving themselves enough time to hit a critical loss for their brains to notice the chemical flow isn't keeping up with what's expected.

That's not to say everyone goes through it, some people can give up after a long term habit and not suffer like you'll see many people on these boards suffer. So, do you have a tendency towards anxiety/depression? Maybe, and maybe that's what makes it worse.No one really knows.

I’m wondering if this is paws or I am actually suffering from GAD and the weed actually helped me suppress it.


I doubt you're suffering from GAD, stay away from Doctor Google, though, it'll make what you're going through a lot worse. See an actual professional if you're looking for a diagnosis.

it’s giving me hope that it is paws but I’m just worried I’m going to be like this without weed.


I doubt you're going to be like this without weed forever. An extremely common fear for people who quit and start having problems like you describe is that they're going to always be like that. It won't be the case. It may take longer than you'd like to get to a more comfortable baseline but you'll get there. Let time do its thing, you'll get to the other side of this.
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#8

Postby Isitpaws » Tue Apr 30, 2019 7:48 pm

I never had any anxiety or depression before I started smoking weed I suppose I was a little anxious when high sometime but put that down to different strains.

I haven't seen a doctor or therapist as don’t really want to be put on meds

I’ve been here for about 2/3 months reading many posts including yours and just hope I’ll eventually get away from this as everyday tasks are so hard at the moment. I never felt this bad while smoking.
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#9

Postby lefttheleaf » Tue Apr 30, 2019 10:42 pm

What’s up mate
I’m coming up to 9 months clean.
Everything you said sounds pretty normal. The first 6 months for me were horrendous. Like a living nightmare.
Just stick it out. It does slowly improve.
Avoid CBD and alcohol for now.
Exercise and meditation are a great help.
Wishing you the best
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#10

Postby leavepawsbehind » Wed May 01, 2019 4:37 am

Agree with lefttheleaf. Avoid alcohol and drugs. Live as clean as you can, avoid sugar and junk food. Exercise and get your veggies. Supplements generally don't help with PAWS, lots of folks around here have been desperate and reported back with optimism as they try them out but usually conclude that they weren't effective. You will get better, though probably slower than you would prefer.
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#11

Postby Isitpaws » Wed May 01, 2019 6:04 am

it is a nightmare, racing negative thoughts all day everyday is really taking its toll on me. I don’t drink alcohol as never really did also cut out caffeine so that’s reduced my sugar intake as well, been eating less junk.

I’m also taken supplements that seem to work for a few days then wear off it just seems like two years of maybe feeling like this is so excessive. I was exactly the same in my last quit which is why I relapsed but this time I know that it could be paws so just trying to get through it.
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#12

Postby lefttheleaf » Wed May 01, 2019 8:14 am

Bro I feel for you but come on man - you smoked during what was a really really important time in your life in terms of your brains development (15 to 21 as I understand it your brain continues developing well into your 20s) and if you started at 15 and smoked for 14 years - almost half of your time on this planet has been spent within a different level of consciousness - i.e. a THC consciousness. You cant expect to just stop and be okay - that's not how biological systems work buddy.

I personally never really dealt with real life, or stress as before weed I drank - I would hide away from my problems and not deal with them. If you have been smoking for your whole adult life your brain is just not used to dealing with the real world - I highly doubt that you have a mental illness as from my experience (I felt the same as you - check our my posts as I thought I had schizophrenia for a time - I genuinely did) if you were chronically unwell the people around you would be telling you to seek help.

I also experienced the racing negative thoughts and the one thing that helped me is meditation. I now understand that I am not my thoughts - thoughts are just words and concepts - without words we think in more abstract terms - try to step away from the thoughts and don't engage in them and just be - just exist.

I started to get better when I stopped thinking about the position I was in and just started living again.

You are where you are right now and you cant change that - your life is a flash of light between eternal darkness as we understand it so just live and make the most out of it mate - when you do that you'll find yourself getting better.

Good luck
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#13

Postby exstonerinhell » Wed May 01, 2019 4:20 pm

I haven't seen a doctor or therapist as don’t really want to be put on meds


They can't make you go on meds. If you don't want to be on meds, and advocate for that, you won't go on meds. But what if you're having a thyroid condition, completely unrelated to your marijuana use? Getting some bloodwork done to check out what may/may not be going on could be helpful.

And most therapists can't prescribe medications anyway. It would be a shame for you to not benefit from some psychological intervention at this time, and therapy can be really helpful with or without medication. It's not a silver bullet, in this there isn't a silver bullet, but it could help you work out some of what you're going through right now.

Just a suggestion, though.

everyday tasks are so hard at the moment.


You're doing them, though, and that's great. Keep going, your brain will adapt and you'll start to feel more and more normal. It's not like a light switch, in that one day you'll magically feel better. But you will come out of it, slowly but surely.
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#14

Postby Isitpaws » Wed May 01, 2019 5:31 pm

Lefttheleaf- I agree I smoked for a long time didn’t start smoking skunk all day everyday till I was about 22 was always a hash person till it faded out and the skunk was easier to get hold off and even then it wasn’t high grade stuff at first, hopefully with time and abstinence it will get better although the thought of smoking again to feel what i think is normal again is strong.

I just read your first post and feel for you that you thought you had schizophrenia that must of been scary.

Exstonerinhell- on my last quit I did go to doctor as was unsure what was happening and got referred for cbt but just didn’t seem like it did anything the whole exposure thing. I relapsed not long after and felt fine again until this quit. If I had a thyroid issue wouldn’t that be issue when I was high?

I think half of the struggle i have with doing stuff is I have no self belief or confidence atm and a lot of people going through paws seem to have the same symptoms.
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