16 months PAWS update

Postby thegreatdane » Wed May 01, 2019 10:44 pm

Hey guys, in a week or so im 16 months clean. For some reason im still going through PAWS. Well i very rarely have bad days, but i dont have any good either. It just feels like im left with a very "damaged" me. I dont know if im even healing anymore or if this is some underlying mild depression, social anxiery, and so on. I just feel really flat. Things are not terrible but they are not good either. I remember my first 3 months where i had some good days, i thought they would come a lot in my journey but they really havent. I guess there is the possibility that im still healing and that its gonna take maybe 2 years. I have just hoped by now that i would have beginning to experience good days. It hurts, i got to admit. I have been waiting every month to get better and it doesnt seem to happen for me. Maybe this is just how life is gonna be for me. I think the damage i have done might is permanent to my brain. When i exercise, meditate, and have a good diet i defiently feel better but no where near where i want to be. My main problems are mild fatigue, mild depression, LOSS of confidence, social anxiety, no social skills, laughing very rarely, loss of humour and "personal vibe" GONE. Loss of emotions is very real too. Very rarely i will have an "okay" day where i feel less symptom free but its like 12 hours every two months.. Sorry for this negative post, i dont want to discourage anybody. I guess this is just how life is going to be for me. I will never smoke weed again so i can only get surprised if everything good happens in my recovery.. See you at 17 months i guess
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#1

Postby dirtySanchez » Thu May 02, 2019 10:58 am

I am in the same position. Your brain and body will heal without a doubt. For proof just read posts by user "NateTGreat" who had similar symptoms until the third year @ memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=219885
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#2

Postby thegreatdane » Thu May 02, 2019 10:05 pm

I just want to say to everybody reading. I was in a very depressive mood when i wrote this post. In some ways i have seen progress for sure, its just so slow and so minminal that i get very frustrated and i really want to live my life but this is holding me back from doing so. I have hope and i will never give up hope.

DirtySanchez, we are all in this together man, i have read about NateTGreat and other success stories where people get better after 16 months and 24 months. I guess time is the only healer. Today have been better than last night so i just got to be grateful for even the small things. Such as walking, breathing, having a better day than yesterday.
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#3

Postby LebbyBlonde » Thu May 02, 2019 10:34 pm

I am just like you guys . So much better then before but there is still this constant cloud of anxiety that never lets me fully relax or socialize with people . It seems like no matter how much I force myself to interact, my brain doesn’t learn not to fear it . Which tells me its all about waiting it out with time . It’s so damn frustrating that progress is so slow but it is what it is . We keep at it
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#4

Postby LondonScouse » Fri May 03, 2019 3:53 pm

I hear ya dude
We are basically the same lol..

viewtopic.php?t=103610
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#5

Postby weedbaddrug » Mon May 06, 2019 1:40 pm

thegreatdane wrote:I just want to say to everybody reading. I was in a very depressive mood when i wrote this post. In some ways i have seen progress for sure, its just so slow and so minminal that i get very frustrated and i really want to live my life but this is holding me back from doing so. I have hope and i will never give up hope.

DirtySanchez, we are all in this together man, i have read about NateTGreat and other success stories where people get better after 16 months and 24 months. I guess time is the only healer. Today have been better than last night so i just got to be grateful for even the small things. Such as walking, breathing, having a better day than yesterday.



Hi

How are you feeling compared to 8/9 months?

I am just going past first week month 8 and feeling like first months again. Only had 2 days of feeling pretty good last week. Only had like 4/5 of them since i quit.

Good luck in your recovery
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#6

Postby thegreatdane » Mon May 06, 2019 6:34 pm

Hey. Its kind of hard to remember to be honest. I would guess i was feeling pretty much the same as i am now. :|
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#7

Postby weedbaddrug » Mon May 06, 2019 8:00 pm

I hope overall you have seen progress right? You do notice you improve, but very slowly?
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#8

Postby thegreatdane » Mon May 06, 2019 11:18 pm

In some areas i have seen a bit improvement(still not where i want to be) and in other areas such as confidence, energy, personality, social anxiety, i havent seen much improvement yet. I dont get PAWS waves as often anymore, everything is just kind of flat in a way. Its weird because i got these really good days at like month 2 and 3 and since then there have been maybe 3-4 good days throughout these 16 months. I dont know if healing is really happening, but i pray to god everynight that healing is happening and that i will soon notice much more improvement. I still fear the possibility that my brain is just simply not gonna recover anymore and weed addiction had a permanent effect on my brain, but yeah only time will tell what will happen.
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#9

Postby BullFrog » Tue May 07, 2019 4:05 pm

Hey Greatdane. In many ways, I completely understand the thinking that one will not fully heal. And it's a strange thing for us to think because every single time someone actually comes back to this forum and shares there story, they talk about how they recovered. I guess we keep fearing that our situation is truly the unique one that will prove all the rest wrong. Maybe it worked for the other 999....but I'm gonna be that 1 who didn't recover. Even for myself I occasionally wonder about it. It has been 15 months for me and all my severe symptoms left by months 3 or 4. Some might return in small dosages, but usually not much. Mainly it is 2-3 symptoms that have ALWAYS been there since the beginning that continue to reside. Although the pressure in my head was almost gone for like two months (I didn't even notice!), but after having too much to drink a couple of nights ago, it has come back again with a little bit of nausea and more of my consistent "buzzy/dizzy" haze in my head (a symptom that has been there since day 1). On top of that, I was one of those very rare cases of very little marijuana use (I was never addicted and even partook in cannabis after a lot of research and great care...mainly because I was curious).

ANYWAY! The point is that I have yet to see a case where someone didn't recover. And I have read many cases of people feeling like absolute crap up to year two or, at most, year 3 and then EVERYTHING changes for the better. Three is the longest I have read on this forum. But nothing past that. But again, we still doubt, don't we? We still wonder if we are the ones that will deal with this for the rest of our lives and, arguably, it is the hardest part of this whole process.

I do believe those who don't come back recover and either a) don't come back because it brings up bad memories or b) they honestly forget about it. The reason why I think this is because when I am going through a season of feeling really good and very LOW amounts of symptoms with a low percentage of severity....I never think about this forum. Only when the symptoms (like now) are more severe do I think about this forum and decide to hop on again. And if others are like me, then I imagine when they are healed, they don't come back for the two reasons above.

I won't say this because I WANT it to be true, but based on the evidence via this forum....you WILL be healed. You maybe on the cusp of finally getting to the end of the tunnel...or you may be half way there. But based on evidence in this forum (and there is TONS of it!) you will get better.

Fight on!
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#10

Postby thegreatdane » Tue May 07, 2019 9:27 pm

Wow Bullfrog, thank you so much for that reply. It is so true that we fear that we are the 1 out of 1000 who are permanent injured or that our body has just simply stopped healing. The thing i fear the most is that i just have an underlying mental illness or something. I was insecure as a child and always has been but it has never been like this. At least i had energy, i had emotions, i had bright sparkling blue eyes. I know its PAWS for sure and during my "bad" days i might just forget that things maybe are better then they were earlier in my journey. I guess its just hard for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Deep down inside me i know that i will recover, its just hard for me to imagine. One thing i can promise you is that i will keep updating until im recovered. I wont just leave this site because i know how much success stories mean to people going through the same things as i did/do.
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#11

Postby weedbaddrug » Tue May 07, 2019 11:16 pm

BullFrog wrote:Hey Greatdane. In many ways, I completely understand the thinking that one will not fully heal. And it's a strange thing for us to think because every single time someone actually comes back to this forum and shares there story, they talk about how they recovered. I guess we keep fearing that our situation is truly the unique one that will prove all the rest wrong. Maybe it worked for the other 999....but I'm gonna be that 1 who didn't recover. Even for myself I occasionally wonder about it. It has been 15 months for me and all my severe symptoms left by months 3 or 4. Some might return in small dosages, but usually not much. Mainly it is 2-3 symptoms that have ALWAYS been there since the beginning that continue to reside. Although the pressure in my head was almost gone for like two months (I didn't even notice!), but after having too much to drink a couple of nights ago, it has come back again with a little bit of nausea and more of my consistent "buzzy/dizzy" haze in my head (a symptom that has been there since day 1). On top of that, I was one of those very rare cases of very little marijuana use (I was never addicted and even partook in cannabis after a lot of research and great care...mainly because I was curious).

ANYWAY! The point is that I have yet to see a case where someone didn't recover. And I have read many cases of people feeling like absolute crap up to year two or, at most, year 3 and then EVERYTHING changes for the better. Three is the longest I have read on this forum. But nothing past that. But again, we still doubt, don't we? We still wonder if we are the ones that will deal with this for the rest of our lives and, arguably, it is the hardest part of this whole process.

I do believe those who don't come back recover and either a) don't come back because it brings up bad memories or b) they honestly forget about it. The reason why I think this is because when I am going through a season of feeling really good and very LOW amounts of symptoms with a low percentage of severity....I never think about this forum. Only when the symptoms (like now) are more severe do I think about this forum and decide to hop on again. And if others are like me, then I imagine when they are healed, they don't come back for the two reasons above.

I won't say this because I WANT it to be true, but based on the evidence via this forum....you WILL be healed. You maybe on the cusp of finally getting to the end of the tunnel...or you may be half way there. But based on evidence in this forum (and there is TONS of it!) you will get better.

Fight on!


What a great and positive read. We are all strong and we can make it !!! We just need to have patience and go through it and the good days will eventually come
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