Feeling anxious when boyfriend leaves

Postby Madame Zorro » Sat May 04, 2019 10:20 am

My boyfriend and I met online so we can't exactly meet face to face and, despite that, we've been doing great. We've even been dating for 10 months now.

So, to the point, whenever he stops replying for even 5 minutes I start to feel really strange. My heart starts to hurt and my chest squeezes up and my knees start to get really warm and wobbly. If it's for even longer, say an hour, I start to struggle to breathe and I end up crying. After an hour, I end up doubting his love for me even though I know he's the most loving person. This doesn't happen if I find something to distract me, but a lot of the time I'm thinking about him so this situation repeats itself a lot.

This feeling happens for everyday stresses too but I'm especially concerned about this because it happens way too often towards my boyfriend. I need help finding out what to do to fix it.
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#1

Postby Candid » Sat May 04, 2019 11:53 am

Pardon me for being old-fashioned, but an online relationship doesn't qualify as "dating". I too would question "his love for me" from someone with whom I'd never been physically close. You can't possibly be "doing great" in these circumstances.

Are there no eligible men where you live?
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#2

Postby Madame Zorro » Sat May 04, 2019 12:35 pm

That wasn't exactly the subject meant to be focused on. As said before, I feel this way about a lot of other things too. It's easy to trigger a response like that one with my boyfriend. On top of that, this feeling has happened in another relationship as well. One where we could physically see each other. I just want to find a way to fix it, not be questioned about my relationship choices
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#3

Postby quietvoice » Sat May 04, 2019 9:45 pm

Madame Zorro wrote:My boyfriend and I met online so we can't exactly meet face to face and, despite that, we've been doing great. We've even been dating for 10 months now.

An online "relationship" is not a fulfilling situation; it is virtually mere fantasy. I mean, if "boyfriend" implies an inclusion of intimate physical relations, how can you do that without the two of you at times inhabiting the same space? What does the term boyfriend mean to you?

Madame Zorro wrote:That wasn't exactly the subject meant to be focused on.. . .I just want to find a way to fix it, not be questioned about my relationship choices

It's because you are identifying with this other person, identifying with a fantasy. If and when this person is not in your physical presence, or when the fantasy has popped into nothingness, you lose who you think that you are. All of your thinking and feeling then leaves you lost and alone.

You are never alone. Go within and find your true source. Then you will find that no matter what your circumstance, you'll not be bothered (too much) because you know that you are strong within.
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#4

Postby James_Lee » Sun May 05, 2019 3:49 am

So you question the "love" of a person you have never met in person? I am a bit confused.
Also, these are classic anxiety symptoms, but do you only experience them when your "boyfriend" does not respond? I have been suffering from panic for a long time, so I understand how hard the symptoms may be.
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#5

Postby Madame Zorro » Sun May 05, 2019 11:55 am

Thank you for answering what I've been wondering for a few years now. But no, it happens really often. The symptoms happened even when I was trying to join this forum.
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#6

Postby James_Lee » Sun May 05, 2019 6:00 pm

Madame Zorro wrote:Thank you for answering what I've been wondering for a few years now. But no, it happens really often. The symptoms happened even when I was trying to join this forum.


Yes. It can be very tough. I would recommend getting hold of it before it escalates. In my case, it has escalated to the point where walking out of my place is very hard. It kept escalating and got out of hand. It is best to take a hold of it before it gets to that point
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#7

Postby Madame Zorro » Sun May 05, 2019 6:10 pm

Is there anything you recommend for getting a hold of it? I'm sorry to hear your situation
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#8

Postby James_Lee » Sun May 05, 2019 10:25 pm

Well, it really depends. What can work in the short run, is getting checked out by a doctor. I would usually feel reassured, albeit for a short time. You can try that, if you feel like you have doubts. As for specific feelings, I think you have to learn to ignore them. Unfortunately, these feelings still continue to come on, so the best thing to do, is to ignore them. Other than that, you can try counseling. But I seriously would not suggest ignoring anxiety, because chances are it will escalate. That is what happened with me, I kind of let it get the best of me, and it just kept escalating to the point where it was very hard to set a foot outside of my house. The fact that you are already aware of your problem is good, now you have to try to figure it out and treat it better. And treatments always depend. It really is individual. Some might feel better with more social interaction, others can feel better with sports etc. The key thing is to try and contend with the problem before it gets out of hand, as it happened with me
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#9

Postby Translucent » Thu May 23, 2019 4:18 pm

I think if your boyfriend loves you, then he's not looking at other women so you don't have to worry about that. If he cheats on you it means he was never the right person and so it's a blessing anyway because at least you don't have kids with this person. These kind of traps are so very easy to fall into for people that don't think. If you love this person, you will meet him half way. If you want him, you must put in the effort and tell him how you really feel. Then he can make plans that will work for both of you. You don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with, but when it comes to the blissful feeling of knowing you are loved by someone you're attracted to, not very many people achieve that in their whole lives and so it's something worth fighting for.
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#10

Postby Madame Zorro » Tue May 28, 2019 9:37 pm

Thank you so much. I really needed this positivity
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#11

Postby Madame Zorro » Tue May 28, 2019 9:38 pm

EsbenAndersen wrote:Hey Madame :)

I'm a certified coach and I would love to speak to you about it. You can send me a PM.

My best
Esben

Sorry I'm new so I can't PM you. However, I recently got a bird who's been helping me with my anxieties
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#12

Postby Translucent » Wed May 29, 2019 8:05 pm

Madame Zorro wrote:Thank you so much. I really needed this positivity


Hey Madame Zorro,

I am in the same situation as you.

I recently have been having blackout spells caused by the pot I've been smoking. I deleted my youtube channel because I felt something was off; I knew she cheated on me. But I have been cheating on her with Mary Jane, so it's the same thing.

I find that a loving relationship is very hard to keep, and it's like an orgasm just to be near the person. An orgasm has to do with open chakras; this means you fully trust the person you are with and your blood starts flowing rapidly. It's the ultimate high, and considering all the things we can do, it's heaven on earth. Unfortunately when others see an orgasm they think it's a seizure or demonic possession. This is why everyone except the two lovers will try to keep them apart; they simply don't understand.

Orgasms are good, and I believe relationships are made in heaven and were pre-destined. I really wish I could speak to her, unfortunately in a jealous rage and high on Mary Jane I said something I regret a few days ago.

Marijuana made me forget everything important and It was so selfish for me to be doing that! If I could just let her know that I will not move on without her, because I know that when it comes to soul mates, it comes only once in a lifetime.
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