80 days clean of weed

#210

Postby FriendlyFriend » Mon Jan 18, 2021 10:13 pm

FAITH wrote:@FriendlyFriend, can’t tell you how much your reply helps me, knowing I’m not the only one. I am actually retired, wish I hadn’t now. Didn’t realize how it helped me to occupy my time. I couldn’t stand the shift work, working midnight shifts. Now I wish I still was. It’s very hard for me now, seeing husbands and wives with there families...couples riding down the street talking..just having someone. Then coming home to this emptiness; waking up day after day nothing really to do or accomplish. PLUS, going through this hell with PAWS if that’s what it is 6 and a half months in. Terrible night last night, woke up after a few hours at 4 am. Heart been skipping around, feeling down, no appetite, no energy, mind having weird thoughts, wondering if I’m actually going to die. Winter, snowing, cold, cloudy dismal days. No sun out for many days now. COVID, can’t really go anywhere. Having to wear stupid mask everywhere. Sorry man, hope I’m not getting you down. I’m 60 in about a month and a half. Moved around a lot during my childhood, never really made a good close friend, partly because we moved several times, partly because I’ve never been very sociable because I have no confidence or self worth. I am blessed though, got a bed, roof over my head and plenty to eat. I guess it’s all these paws or what ever feelings. The decisions I’ve made early in life, not getting married, not making friends, really have come to effect me now. Just another body here would be nice. I tried to volunteer the other day at a food bank/ help center. They said because of Covid, they don’t need anybody. So, back to this “prison” as you say. I don’t know man it’s hard, very very hard at times. Like you, I do a lot of walking just to get out when I can....hurry up and come spring. And please God heal my palpitations and return my health to me. Sorry man, so very sorry for this gloom and doom. I do rarely have a good day or 2 sometimes. Thanks again.

Sorry to hear, though glad that I could be there for you. PAWS really puts the mind in a fragile state, making it hard to envision anything good for the future. It makes you feel like your life is over and all of your decisions were wrong.

Don't worry about the doom and gloom, I'm used to it by now. It's curious, I see in you the exact future I have for years foreseen for myself. I'm at an age where it's still possible to radically change the direction of one's life, yet I'm not taking initiative. At 28, it's almost like my destiny as a lonely old man has already been sealed. I don't have what it takes to maintain a relationship, let alone marriage or a family -- I can barely keep my own life together. Question: will you be able to make peace with how your life turned out? That's really the only thing I want out of life: a peace of mind. Alone or not, it's the only truly valuable thing one can possess.

As for heart palpitations, I had a lot of them when I quit weed the first time (like you, I was paranoid about my heart stopping , so much so that I didn't dare to even exercise). The cause could be something as simple as an electrolyte imbalance. What I found helpful was potassium chloride, which is sold in most grocery stores as a salt substitute. A teaspoon 1-2 times a day (with food, otherwise it'll burn your stomach) should help quickly. I'll pray that you'll find some relief in your life.
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#211

Postby FAITH » Mon Jan 18, 2021 10:59 pm

You know, before this PAWS stuff, if that’s what it I really is, I was perfectly contented with being alone. I would occasionally be lonely and feel emptiness which would only last a day or part of the day. I don’t know if it’s where I retired a year and 8 months ago, combined with this paws, or if the paws is causing all this or what. I believe in God through Christ Jesus and use to have assurance of been saved. Now I question if I really am, I worry about death, being in hell for ever and ever. I worry about getting sick or heart trouble and having to go to the hospital for awhile. Who would I have to help me, or to be there for me. I didn’t have any of these thoughts before I recently started smoking again (6 months ago). While I smoked, never had any of these thoughts, only after I quit did all this come on me. The fear, the negative thoughts, the heart issues. Sometimes I think I might have ruined my self physically and mentally. Maybe I’m reaping what I’ve sown in life. I just don’t know. All I can tell you is that the choices you make now are going to effect you in your later years, so chose wisely. I do occasionally have a good day, but before all this, I would just occasionally have a bad day.
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#212

Postby HDog455 » Tue Jan 19, 2021 12:21 am

FAITH wrote:You know, before this PAWS stuff, if that’s what it I really is, I was perfectly contented with being alone. I would occasionally be lonely and feel emptiness which would only last a day or part of the day. I don’t know if it’s where I retired a year and 8 months ago, combined with this paws, or if the paws is causing all this or what. I believe in God through Christ Jesus and use to have assurance of been saved. Now I question if I really am, I worry about death, being in hell for ever and ever. I worry about getting sick or heart trouble and having to go to the hospital for awhile. Who would I have to help me, or to be there for me. I didn’t have any of these thoughts before I recently started smoking again (6 months ago). While I smoked, never had any of these thoughts, only after I quit did all this come on me. The fear, the negative thoughts, the heart issues. Sometimes I think I might have ruined my self physically and mentally. Maybe I’m reaping what I’ve sown in life. I just don’t know. All I can tell you is that the choices you make now are going to effect you in your later years, so chose wisely. I do occasionally have a good day, but before all this, I would just occasionally have a bad day.


My situation is similar to yours except that I never experienced PAWS, at least not for more than a week or two after quitting my 30-year chronic weed addiction. If you're interested you can read back through my stuff posted on this forum to get an idea of why I didn't have a hard time quitting for good.

In terms of being alone, I never felt lonely when stoned. I think that is one of the things that makes pot so enjoyable at first and then later on so addictive for many users. After I quit I worked hard to get out and do new things and meet new people - this helped me a lot even though the vast majority of people who I met didn't become permanent friends. Of course, all of this was more than a decade ago when Covid-19 was only a minor worry in the back of Bill Gates's mind.

Now with Covid-19 it's a risk just going outside, especially for people in our age group. Hopefully in a year or so the vaccines will kick in and we will all be able to get back to some sort of normalcy in terms of social interaction. Oh, and I was going to retire last December but decided not to because, like you, I wasn't confident that I would be able to adequately fill in the time gap with meaningful activities. If I was you I would keep trying to score some sort of job, at least a part-time one in a relatively Covid-safe environment. All the best !
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#213

Postby FAITH » Tue Jan 19, 2021 12:53 am

@HDog455, thanks man, after 6 and a half months this my not even be PAWS. I assume it is just because so many have the same similar symptoms and seem to come out of it eventually. As far as you not retiring, smart move. I didn’t think it through and now I regret it. Being single does not help either. I never really made friends and didn’t really even date. I’m kind of not very outgoing as far as social situations. It’s just that 12 hour shift work at an electrical generation plant was getting to me. Hot, noisy, dust, fumes and of course 12 night shifts. After 34 years it was taking a toll on me. I tried to volunteer at a place but wasn’t needed at this time. If this virus junk clears up I probably will consider a part time job. But to be honest, if I didn’t have this paws junk or what ever it is I would be perfectly content. I always could find something to keep me occupied. But now, i feel like crap most of the time, have worry about my health plus winter time, plus COVID, I just have no motivation or energy plus sleeping sucks now. I should have never started smoking weed again after I retired. Thanks for your support. I’ll check out your other post.
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#214

Postby FriendlyFriend » Tue Jan 19, 2021 5:42 pm

FAITH wrote:You know, before this PAWS stuff, if that’s what it I really is, I was perfectly contented with being alone. I would occasionally be lonely and feel emptiness which would only last a day or part of the day. I don’t know if it’s where I retired a year and 8 months ago, combined with this paws, or if the paws is causing all this or what. I believe in God through Christ Jesus and use to have assurance of been saved. Now I question if I really am, I worry about death, being in hell for ever and ever. I worry about getting sick or heart trouble and having to go to the hospital for awhile. Who would I have to help me, or to be there for me. I didn’t have any of these thoughts before I recently started smoking again (6 months ago). While I smoked, never had any of these thoughts, only after I quit did all this come on me. The fear, the negative thoughts, the heart issues. Sometimes I think I might have ruined my self physically and mentally. Maybe I’m reaping what I’ve sown in life. I just don’t know. All I can tell you is that the choices you make now are going to effect you in your later years, so chose wisely. I do occasionally have a good day, but before all this, I would just occasionally have a bad day.

If you felt at peace your life before you started smoking weed then it's very likely to be PAWS. The fact that you feel like you have lost your salvation in my opinion supports this. We as human beings are so dependent on the health of our brain & nervous system. In good health almost anything is tolerable, whereas in bad health almost nothing is. You are, in some sense, reaping what you've sown, but that doesn't mean that it won't get better. I strongly believe that in a year or so we both will look back on this time of our lives as if it was just a bad dream.
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#215

Postby FAITH » Tue Jan 19, 2021 6:02 pm

@ FriendlyFriend; ....thanks for that. And yes, before I started smoking weed after I retired, I was very contented and at peace. No worries or fears, just mainly relaxed and happy. Thanks again
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