SparkleFly12 wrote:So it looks like my symptoms hve turned back a couple months in intensity...this is the third time that has happened. Mild headaches, low libido, mild depression, and muscle aches are the norm now. I hate this sh**, Im so sick of this.
Damn! Sorry to hear that man... i'm in a similar boat just passing 3 months. It's messed how these PAWS come in waves... you must be at that 9/10 month wave...1,3,6,9, 12 etc?
For me just when I thought my sleep was on point, wham I get nailed with the worst sleep since the beginning.. slept 3 hours and then up and that's that, massive intrusion of thoughts that crush me into depression. It pisses me off because i'm experimenting a bit with diet so I never know what's what... could be cutting carbs/keto, could be a workout, I don't even know anymore... food sensitivities... I even got out for a bit of sun thinking that would help anchor my circadian rhythem but it just backfires.
This depression is awful and gives me flashbacks to some periods in my 20's when life was just sucking hard. Starting to think more and more that this is just me and i've been masking and self medicating with weed to get by. It made me not care about the little minutia and gave me peace and enjoyment from my mind being in prison. It's like my brain is its own torture chamber. I have been diagnosed as bipolar in the past with my ptsd/depression/anxiety, so maybe it's just resurfacing again, but I just keep thinking it's PAWS and will pass. Well it better... i've suffered for 3 months, and will go for another 3, but there has to be some improvements otherwise it's just not worth it for me.
Positives are that amongst my crappy sleep when I was having some light dreams and 1/2 awake, I noticed some pretty good nocturnal wood, and i'm now 2.5 weeks of semen retention nofap hardmode, so could also just be neural rewiring from that.
I just wish it was the summer time so I could get out to the beaches and enjoy, but it's depressing in the PNW with mostly cloudy rainy days. I'm only here because I keep getting paid. If that ever ended i'd be on the first plane to Thailand or Mexico and forget this crummy weather and society.
Hope your symptoms clear up quick Sparkle...maybe they will go as quickly as they come.... I know the libido thing has been a struggle, especially since you thought you were out of the dark so recently. I too have the muscle soreness... mainly my legs....quads... even if I don't exercise! WTF!? Must be lack of sleep related?