4th Day Clean after 30 Years of Pot

Postby SensitiveHeart » Mon May 20, 2019 3:17 pm

Hello all,

30 years! I turn 48 tomorrow, and with a few breaks excluded, used pot for 30 years! I'm not much for exclamation points, but they seem appropriate here. Like many, I attended and graduated college (with honors even), maintained a successful career, had kids and a family, all while smoking most days. It didn't keep me from living a 'respectable life', as many imply, but it certainly has held me back from learning to deal with my high sensitivity, in my relationships with those who do not partake, and in getting more than the essentials done in life- you know, the things I want just for me.

In the last 6 years, it has become an all day long sort of thing, and I have really seen my verbal acuity, inclination to intellectual activity, and memory suffer. I'm ready to try a different way of living, as this has been my entire adult life. So, 4 days ago, I stopped the pot + alcohol and coffee, because for me they are all intertwined. I would 'need' the coffee to be functional/energetic enough to get through the day, because I was doped/hung over from the night before, and then 'need' the alcohol/pot or both to calm my sensitive nerves from the beating the coffee would give them. As well, a drink or two always brings on the desire to smoke.

So, off I go, and I want very much to make it, but I am afraid I won't, because I have failed before. Hoping that removing the other triggers this time will make a difference. So far, so good- only a bit more emotional than usual, more dream activity, and lack of appetite. Otherwise, I feel pretty good. I hope it holds, as I see many people here who have had terrible withdrawal, and I honestly don't know if I could hold out, like so many of them have (strong and brave folks).

That's my situation in a nutshell. Nice to have this place to come to talk about it, where I don't fear judgement. Thanks for that!
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#1

Postby BullFrog » Mon May 20, 2019 4:34 pm

Hey SH,

I will keep you in my prayers as you begin this exciting yet very challenging new endeavor. If you push through (and it will take everything you got in you and THEN some more), you will come out the other side a whole new person. Reborn really.

Please keep us posted on your journey. We are all here for you to encourage you, support you, and perhaps suffer alongside you as you purge yourself not just from all the substances, but almost a lifetime of old habits.

Fight on!
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#2

Postby SensitiveHeart » Mon May 20, 2019 4:37 pm

Thanks for the encouragement, BullFrog!
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#3

Postby SparkleFly12 » Tue May 21, 2019 5:42 am

Wow, 30 years?!

I quit my habit of 5 yrs, with many 2-3wk breaks along the way. Like you, I still lived a very normal life, got through school and grad school and have a good job.

I really felt things got a lot worse when I started using oils. After using oils for a while (just bc of their convenience) and quitting...thats when I noticed that things were wrong. There were signs when I was only using weed too, but I started to feel really terrible after starting oils and that prompted me to quit. Did you smoke oils or just weed?

The biggest thing - if you do end up feeling shitty and experience PAWS: Get used to it. It wont go away soon. Ive learned to just not think about it, and exert self control to make sure Im patient with others and to ignore my head when it is pounding or tired.

All the best. Its a process, remember and not a short one. Im 90 days clean, but basically have gone through PAWS for the last 9 months because I used again before I was recovered. Now I know it will take more than 3 months for things to heal up.
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#4

Postby SensitiveHeart » Tue May 21, 2019 1:00 pm

I also think the concentrates are particularly problematic. I only started using them in the last three years, and I was aware of my dependence increasing and greater difficulty with breaks. Thanks for the encouragement and advice, SparkleFly12!
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