Useless existing, problems with parents

Postby Sadlygrove » Tue May 28, 2019 10:37 am

Hello!

I am Ivan, I’m 25 and I am from Moscow.

Last time i started to think that i am useless and don't have sense of living. i have no constant job, only part-time. I graduated 4 years ago, i am sociologist but usually these specialists work in marketing sphere which i don't like at all. So I'm working part-time there and don’t know what to do. I also have some freelance work, earn not so much money, but it’s ok for living. And i have almost no motivation to find a good job, because i always think that i am useless and not so good enough for that. Plus i don't want to sit in the office for the whole day. Now I have thoughts of entering the university again in order to become a translator/interpreter of English or an English teacher. But one day I want it .. another day I feel that I don’t know wether I like it or not ... or that I’m not good enough at it or that I won’t find a good job anyway (because there are so many people who know English nowadays ...).

I always have the feeling like there are so many people everywhere who do the job much better than me so it’s difficult for me to realise that I can do it also. Plus I don’t want doing it for a low salary .. I just have no motivation at all.

I always didn’t know what I want to do since my school years. But as I found out for today I like communicating with foreign people, making new friends from different countries and talking, discussing different topics with them.

The problem is that I can easily communicate in chat, have good writing English skills but my oral English could be better. I am nervous every time because I have low self-esteem and I am afraid that I speak bad and nobody understands me. But actually it’s not true (I know it inside myself), I just can’t start communicating with my foreign friends on Skype. But I would like to. I like how my brain works when I write my thoughts using another language. So I want to speak also.

I think all this comes from my childhood and from my parents. I always had some problems with communicating in real life because I always thought and think that I am worse than another person, look not so good, behave in a wrong way, just too shy to speak and act as a normal person. I can do it usually when I’m with my good friends and acquaintances. Moreover I have the same uncomfortable feeling with my parents ... even when I call them or they call me.

I feel nervous and don’t like speaking to them because they almost always don’t understand me and tell something offensive (for example about my mustache, they tell it is awful you have to trim it). Very often when I was younger and even now I hear from them that I eat in a wrong way, sit in a wrong way, speak, behave ... buy wrong clothes and look awful, that I listen to a stupid music, that I watch some useless stuff etc etc... My mom is a tyrant in a family she is the main person. She is very active, noisy and strong-willed, my father is totally different.

He is passive, quiet, indifferent.. I don’t know how they met each other and why they gave birth to 3 children. I am the oldest sun (have 2 younger brothers-twins).

I am 25 now and I realise that I really don’t remember when I had a good conversation with my father, as well as with my mother.. I believe that he was not interested in their children at all, it was just his duty to stay with us but I didn’t feel love at all or active interaction with me or my brothers...

My mother always tried to take care of us too much but I also didn’t and don’t feel love. She was always like a psycho and I couldn’t say a word to her ... she started to scream and tell some offensive words to me. Father was just indifferent.

I was not good during my school and university years because nobody cared how I was studying. I just had to get an attestation and diploma according to my mom but what will be after?

I can’t say that my family didn’t give me anything, they bought me a computer I asked, clothes or smartphone, now I have a car (parents helped me to buy it) and they let me live in the separate flat with my girlfriend.

I understand all this but I didn’t and don’t feel love.

Now they ask me to be an adult and do everything by myself. We had a quarrel 3 months ago and I don’t communicate with my mother for 3 months ... now she is angry at me and only asks my father to call me once a week (because usually he doesn’t call me almost at all) and I feel how he speaks with me like my mother asked him to do.

She told him to call and tell me to beg sorry from her otherwise he will kick me out of the flat.

I don’t answer his calls since yesterday.

So this is my short story.

Of course I have some other problems..

but now I feel angry on my parents and don’t want to beg sorry from my mom. I blame them that I am useless person with lots of complex.

How should I communicate with my parents because they don’t want to have a dialog with me. They just want me to do what they want. They don’t accept my point of view.

Should I try again to communicate with them to argue? Or not. Because I think that they will never understand me.

Actually I was raised like a plant ... I was fed, got material things something like that. I don’t feel that I had upbringing, my personality wasn’t developed at all. So now I am like a grown plant but without any aim. How can I cope with that or solve somehow these problems?

Thank you!
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#1

Postby Candid » Tue May 28, 2019 11:40 am

Sadlygrove, have a look at http://pete-walker.com/. You sound like a likely candidate for Complex PTSD.
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#2

Postby jwc0846 » Thu May 30, 2019 3:12 pm

Hi Ivan,

Wow!

There are .so many parts to your situation that it must be hard to know where to start.

Sometimes just doing something can have a positive effect, even if what you try doesn't "work", as the inertia gets altered.

Even a very small thing can alter the balance enough for you to see new opportunities.
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#3

Postby Candid » Sat Jun 01, 2019 8:23 am

I feel bad that we lost Ivan.

That's what happens when you've just replied to a similar post and haven't got the energy to say it all again.
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